How do you know if you're ready for kids?

I know that this is an impossible question to answer, but I'm just looking for feedback from people who are excited to TTC right now. (Or people who already have kids and knew for certain when they wanted a baby.)

I'm asking this because I just don't know if I'm ready for kids, or if I want one at all! And I just turned 31! I wish I could figure it out for sure. Sometimes I think I lack that maternal instinct. For example, when I meet other people's kids, I don't necessarily and automatically like the kids right away. I've never felt that 'I MUST HAVE A BABY NOW' rush. Not once.

Part of the confused feeling may be because of my worries. Specifically, I wonder if I'm too neurotic or too selfish or too moody to be a good mother (I KNOW I'd be ridiculously overprotective, and sometimes I can be awfully bratty -- for example, if DH is sick, sometimes I just resent him for being sick and not helping me around the house instead of wanting to take care of him. Usually, I'm not that way, but if I'm in a certain mood...)

I worry that I'd be a terrible mother. I do take excellent care of my dog, though!

Also, I don't handle physical pain or discomfort well. I'm very squeamish about going to doctors and getting shots and such.

Now that I'm rereading this post, it sounds completely immature, I know. It's just how I'm feeling right now. I'm so confused! Any input would be welcome.

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Posted by sweetadeline

Sometimes I think I lack that maternal instinct. For example, when I meet other people's kids, I don't necessarily and automatically like the kids right away. I've never felt that 'I MUST HAVE A BABY NOW' rush. Not once.

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Only you will know if you are ready. But also realize, that having your own child is completely different than time spent with other peoples children. Spending time with other peoples kids and not liking them does not mean that you won't be a good mom. It's a whole new ballgame when its your own baby!!

I have the same fears and DH assures me that I'll be a great mom. I don't want to be like my mother at all. I hate pain. I like sleeping in. I enjoy being lazy...yet for some reason I am SO willing to give that all up to create a life and have my own family.

There is no real time you realize you're ready to have a baby. It's a mutual decision as well...you and DH are your own family. Discuss your fears with him.....that's what he's there for and he'll love you regardless

When I got pregnant - it was an oops!! But I can tell you that with all honesty - I had no interest in children then - I was 27 - I don't think I had a maternal bone in my body, I didnt oohh and ahhh over other peoples babies. Not to say I never wanted them, I just was not thinking along those lines yet.
My son has changed my life - the absolute best thing that had ever happen to me. I could not love a single human being more. (well I love my Dh - but its different!)
He has made me a better person, and more importantly he makes me want to be a better person.
I'm not ashamed to say - I used to go out all the time and party big time, so when this happened it really put my life into perspective.
I'm not with his Dad, I went through the ringer with him, however, if I was asked to do it all over again I would absoulutely with a doubt do it again.
My son is 6 years old now and I Thank God everyday for blessing me with him!!

I was 24 when I got pregnant, it was a planned thing, and as much as I wanted a child,I still wondered if I would be a good enough mom and if I was REALLY ready.

Like some of the other moms said...my son is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me in my life. I would not change a thing about him, or about the timing of him coming into my life. Once you have a child, your maternal side will take over. It is very different than being around other children. It is a big decision, it changes your life dramatically and I know for me, it has made me a better person and more aware of who I am.

Good luck

It's so nice to hear from all the moms that they suddenly felt maternal once they had their own child.

I know I want kids and I do love babies, but for the past year or so when I've been around my friends with kids, I always leave thinking, 'Oh no way I could do that 24/7. No way I could put up with the whining and crying. No way can I give up sleeping and EVERYTHING else!'

I really do hope you are all right and that it IS different when it's your own child!

I can't thank you all enough for your wonderful insights. It really is great to hear moms say how their babies changed their lives... for the better! Thank you all SO much! I am feeling better already. I really just need to think through the issue some more (and take my time doing so, but since I'm 31, not TOO much time!)

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Posted by brideinapril

My son has changed my life - the absolute best thing that had ever happen to me. I could not love a single human being more. (well I love my Dh - but its different!)
He has made me a better person, and more importantly he makes me want to be a better person.
My son is 6 years old now and I Thank God everyday for blessing me with him!!

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The fact that I cry every time I see or hear anything about a baby ... and that I cried reading the above sentences from brideinapril's message ... proves that I SO want to be a mommy! I've always wanted kids, but lately, I cannot even bear to wait another minute and DH feels the same way. Sure, we have our fears. Who doesn't? But, I sincerely believe that you will know when you are ready. I also believe, however, that some people will never feel the 'urge', esp. as strongly as I do, but make wonderful mommies as well. Do what you feel is right. Many people live childless lives forever with no regrets. Don't think about getting preggo just bc you feel like you're getting older and should. Do what you feel is right and, if you do get pregnant, I guarantee you that nonexistent maternal instinct will go into full force. Good luck with whatever you decide, and don't feel like you're alone in your feelings. So many of my friends feel the same way. They just don't get it when I talk baby. I will say, however, that one of my closest friends, was never interested in having children, and then all of a sudden, something just triggered with her and she's so ready.

I have to add that I used to work with a woman who never really felt the urge to have a baby. She and her husband lived a very active life, traveling, they had a boat, and just being a couple. They were both unsure about having a child, but they weren't totally against it. She turned 40 and they said IF we're going to do it, we'd better do it now, they decided they'd try for a year and if they got pregnant great, if not it just wasn't meant for them to have a baby. She got pregnant about 3 months after and had a beautiful baby boy, who is now 2. You could tell right away how much she loved her baby and how much she'd changed. I just heard from her and she is pregnant with baby #2. They'd decided that 1 wasn't enough.
It's amazing what a baby can do to your life!!