How do you tell someone they're not going to be your BM anymore? (With some updates from yesterday's drama).

MrsInglima Posted: Jun 10, 2008 07:56 AM

How do you tell someone they're not going to be your BM anymore? (With some updates from yesterday's drama).

So first an update from yesterday:

Turns out canceled wedding does not cover canceled tickets in flight insurance. So my mom can't get her money back for the plane tickets for my cousin's wedding. But you can change the date and place. So she is giving the plane tickets to FH and I and we will use them for a HM. Which means, we can actually afford to go away! So that's at least one good thing that's happened from this whole catastrophe.

On the bad side, my cousin was supposed to be in my wedding as a BM. She has been lazy about ordering the dress. All she had to do was call in with measurements and her credit card info. But she kept putting it off (for 3 months) making up every excuse ever and eventually blaming it on the wedding and saying she would order when she got back from her HM. But after I talked to the bridal shop they said that this was the last week they could place the order without the dresses being late. So I told her this, and guess what, she still hasn't ordered the dress. I have to put the order through and if her dress isn't in there she is not being part of my BP. Not after her selfishness with her whole wedding and her blatant disregard for mine. I'm going to give her until tomorrow and if she doesn't call in that's it. Thing is, how do I break it to her without being extremely mean and angry (because that's how I am and I want to be at least a little bit understanding of her situation).

Also, now I'm upset because the bridesmaids and grooms men will be uneven. I'm really OCD! So now I am thinking maybe my brother can stand up on my side (instead of FH's) and his sister can stand up on his side and then she can buy a different dress that she can afford (she wouldn't be a BM because she couldn't afford to), but then because she'll be on his side it will be different and it won't matter. Then it'll still be even. Does that sound ok?

Ann 52409 Posted: Jun 10, 2008 08:03 AM

Re: How do you tell someone they're not going to be your BM anymore? (With some updates from yesterday's drama).

I would let her know that you understand that she is going through a lot with her wedding but you gave her a good amount of notice on the deadline for the dress. Since the deadline has come you are placing the order so the other dresses wont be late and she tell her she will obviously no longer be part of the bridal party without the dress. I would also tell her that I question whether or not she wants to be in your bridal party since she hasnt put any effort in.

VickiR510 Posted: Jun 10, 2008 08:09 AM

Re: How do you tell someone they're not going to be your BM anymore? (With some updates from yesterday's drama).

Difficult, but i guess i would probably just say look i know with everything going on firt with the wedding & now with the bad news i understand that its difficult to get things together for my wedding. So i think maybe you should relax & not worry about anything at this time & forget about having to be in my wedding. Say you completely understand that your feelings wouldnt be hurt if she thinks thats the best idea & that if she still wants to be in it then she needs to get her order in now! Try to be gentle but a little firm. Its obvious that she is waiting for someone to say to her that she doesnt need to beinteh wedding anyway.

As for your bro & his sister i would totally do that! Put your bro in the same tux & put her in the same color if she cant afford to purchase the other dress. But im OCD as well & I would wanther in teh same dress. But if shes at least inthe same color it wont look bad at all. HTH!

lilpiggy742 Posted: Jun 10, 2008 08:18 AM

Re: How do you tell someone they're not going to be your BM anymore? (With some updates from yesterday's drama).

First of all, Im glad that you can at least use the tickets for something else. Second, i do think it is rude of her about the dress. If you've given fair warning about it being ordered and she refuses to do it, then she obviously didn't care about being in your wedding. I understand that she had a wedding of her own to plan, but it seemed selfish to completely ignore yours. If she didn't want to be in it, she should have just told you. The evening out idea, i think that would be ok. I have an uneven bridal party but i'm having 2 guys walk down by themselves and fh has 2 best men....yeah he couldn't pick just 1......

PoppedInASnap Posted: Jun 10, 2008 08:19 AM

Re: How do you tell someone they're not going to be your BM anymore? (With some updates from yesterday's drama).

Just explain it. She may say you are being a terrible person, but just think of what she did

Jsquared279 Posted: Jun 10, 2008 09:18 AM

Re: How do you tell someone they're not going to be your BM anymore? (With some updates from yesterday's drama).

I think you have every right to drop her out. Especially since she hasn't seemed the least bit interested. I think your idea of switching your brother and his sister is EXCELLENT! I think it will be something different and fresh and it will be really special to both your family members! Good luck with telling her. I think you are doing the right thing.

fabulousmady Posted: Jun 10, 2008 09:22 AM

Re: How do you tell someone they're not going to be your BM anymore? (With some updates from yesterday's drama).

I think its better off that you drop her. she's caused you nothing but stress and you have enough of that with the wedding planning. you've been more than patient with her and she isnt doing her part.

I like the idea of having ur brother stand by you and FH's sister stand by him. it will allow them both to be a part of your day.

evewedsjc Posted: Jun 10, 2008 09:26 AM

Re: How do you tell someone they're not going to be your BM anymore? (With some updates from yesterday's drama).

yeah the best thing is to just nicely tell her due to all the stress and drama she is off the hook and she does not have to worry about anything, it will be better for all parties involved...

as for the uneven bridal party...it works out fine and no one notices...believe me...i am having one too..

vicky1125 Posted: Jun 10, 2008 09:29 AM

Re: How do you tell someone they're not going to be your BM anymore? (With some updates from yesterday's drama).

i would wait til the end of this week & then explain the situation to her. if she doesn't understand how it's her fault then let her be. you can't make her see your side when she thinks she's right (if that's what she thinks).

egem523 Posted: Jun 10, 2008 09:37 AM

Re: How do you tell someone they're not going to be your BM anymore? (With some updates from yesterday's drama).

Maybe she still wants to be part of your day. I would give her the option to still be in your bridal party. Let her ordered her dress separately and pay the rush fee.

MrsInglima Posted: Jun 10, 2008 09:43 AM

Re: How do you tell someone they're not going to be your BM anymore? (With some updates from yesterday's drama).

Thanks everyone for your support! I am going to call the Bridal Store when it opens today to tell them if she doesn't order the dress by tomorrow then place the order without her. And I'll try to contact her somehow to let her know what we're doing.

flairforfashion Posted: Jun 10, 2008 10:32 AM

Re: How do you tell someone they're not going to be your BM anymore? (With some updates from yesterday's drama).

Posted by fabulousmady

I think its better off that you drop her. she's caused you nothing but stress and you have enough of that with the wedding planning. you've been more than patient with her and she isnt doing her part.

I like the idea of having ur brother stand by you and FH's sister stand by him. it will allow them both to be a part of your day.

Ditto. Having your brother and his sister stand with you guys will make it special. This will work out in the end.

BarbieGrl10 Posted: Jun 10, 2008 10:39 AM

Re: How do you tell someone they're not going to be your BM anymore? (With some updates from yesterday's drama).

Is there anyway that you could blame it on the Bridal Salon? Tell her that....like you said... this is the last week and if she does not order her dress now, she will not have it for the wedding?

p.s. YAY to you getting your HM tickets!!!!!!!!!!!

MrsInglima Posted: Jun 10, 2008 11:12 AM

Re: How do you tell someone they're not going to be your BM anymore? (With some updates from yesterday's drama).

Posted by BarbieGrl10

Is there anyway that you could blame it on the Bridal Salon? Tell her that....like you said... this is the last week and if she does not order her dress now, she will not have it for the wedding?

p.s. YAY to you getting your HM tickets!!!!!!!!!!!

I think that's sort of what I'm going to do. I'm going to tell her that this is what the shop said and she has 24 hours to order it and then if she doesn't she can't be in the BP because the dresses won't match and I've given her plenty of time to order it.

Bleh. Annoying drama!

BarbieGrl10 Posted: Jun 10, 2008 11:32 AM

Re: How do you tell someone they're not going to be your BM anymore? (With some updates from yesterday's drama).

Posted by MrsInglima

Posted by BarbieGrl10

Is there anyway that you could blame it on the Bridal Salon? Tell her that....like you said... this is the last week and if she does not order her dress now, she will not have it for the wedding?

p.s. YAY to you getting your HM tickets!!!!!!!!!!!

I think that's sort of what I'm going to do. I'm going to tell her that this is what the shop said and she has 24 hours to order it and then if she doesn't she can't be in the BP because the dresses won't match and I've given her plenty of time to order it.

Bleh. Annoying drama!