how involved is your FH in the planning?

Just wondering how much interest/responsibility your FHs are taking...

I really feel like this is OUR wedding, not just MY wedding, and therefore I'm just not going to plan it without his input. He doesn't have to be there for every tiny detail, but he at least has to see all the halls we're considering and be in on final decisions on vendors and such. If he doesn't care what the bouquets look like, that's fine, but he does have to at least like the hall...
I guess I'm just frustrated because today I went and visited Flowerfield, and I just really loved it, and I couldn't wait all day to tell him about it, and then he kind of was just tired and didn't want to talk about it. He says he's 'tired of this wedding stuff.' We've only been looking around at halls for about a month! We've barely even started! And at least now I'm looking at a couple places with my mom to screen them for him so he doesn't have to look everywhere, just places that I like.
Eh, I'm just frustrated, and I was wondering if I'm being unreasonable in expecting so much effort out of him. I know a lot of guys don't get into it. I just really hate the idea of doing it without his input. The wedding is about us, our relationship, the beginning of our marriage, not just about me wearing a pretty dress, and as such, I feel like he needs to be a part of the planning. Plus, this whole process is a lot of pressure, and I feel like he should share that responsibility with me. And for a few weeks, it seemed like he was actually enjoying it.... but now he's just 'tired of it.'
Eh. Anyway. How are you guys handling this?

whether he wants too or not he goes with me to see ALL the vendors. I refuse to see anything without him and he wants to meet all the vendors. After we meet all the vendors, we sit and talk and narrow down our choices until we pick the one we want.

He wants to be involved, and I include him in all the stuff, heck I even let him try to paint the 'We Do' letters because he wanted to play with the paints...well...lemme just tell you that didn't come out so nice...so now i'm passing the torch to my lovely friend Athena!

As for stuff like what flowers we're using the in CP's and what our colors are and what colors he's wearing..he gets no say.

But my feeling is that this is OUR wedding, its not just my day its HIS day too and whenever he says 'whatever makes you happy' i get mad because its not just about ME..its about US starting out life together...I mean really...men...OY!

i swear i'm not trying to rub this in...because i know that my FH is an exception to the rule...but mine has been involved in every single decision we've made. he happily visited each hall with me, has sat with me as i puruse wedding magazines (even choses to read them when i'm not looking at it with him!), we compared vendors together, and discuss all details and monies we are gonna spend on things. he very much agrees that this is OUR wedding, and while he knows that i'm the one coming up with suggestions...we BOTH ultimately will come to the decisions.

NOW...that being said. i have to play devil's advocate here for your FH. remember, your wedding is about 2 yrs. away. unlike us, men don't want to talk & think about the wedding as much as we do. we see it as 2 yrs. or PLANNING! they see it as 2 yrs. till i get a bachelor party and finally get to see her in that dress and be married. while we can eat, sleep, drink, and LIVE weddings and all things wedding related...our men do NOT feel that way. i'm sure it's only been a month that you've been discussing halls and such...and it's so great that you are excited and want to share with him, but remember that he may just not be as excited about those things. my FH may be totally into details, but even he has been like 'maybe you should relax on the wedding stuff...you're gonna burn yourself out' i tell him that is just not even a possibility. lol

you can try and talk to him and let him know your feelings. either he'll understand and be more of an involved groom or he won't. so you will have two choices: 1)be upset with him and eventually he will get interested, but chances are it may be out of guilt to appease you. 2)hope that he will jump on the bandwagon later as the process continues and bet some members of your BP or parents to help ya.

i hope you figure something out!!

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Posted by kam0813

But my feeling is that this is OUR wedding, its not just my day its HIS day too and whenever he says 'whatever makes you happy' i get mad because its not just about ME..its about US starting out life together...I mean really...men...OY!

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yes, exactly!

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Posted by MJDoc12

i swear i'm not trying to rub this in...because i know that my FH is an exception to the rule...but mine has been involved in every single decision we've made. he happily visited each hall with me, has sat with me as i puruse wedding magazines (even choses to read them when i'm not looking at it with him!), we compared vendors together, and discuss all details and monies we are gonna spend on things. he very much agrees that this is OUR wedding, and while he knows that i'm the one coming up with suggestions...we BOTH ultimately will come to the decisions.

NOW...that being said. i have to play devil's advocate here for your FH. remember, your wedding is about 2 yrs. away. unlike us, men don't want to talk & think about the wedding as much as we do. we see it as 2 yrs. or PLANNING! they see it as 2 yrs. till i get a bachelor party and finally get to see her in that dress and be married. while we can eat, sleep, drink, and LIVE weddings and all things wedding related...our men do NOT feel that way. i'm sure it's only been a month that you've been discussing halls and such...and it's so great that you are excited and want to share with him, but remember that he may just not be as excited about those things. my FH may be totally into details, but even he has been like 'maybe you should relax on the wedding stuff...you're gonna burn yourself out' i tell him that is just not even a possibility. lol

you can try and talk to him and let him know your feelings. either he'll understand and be more of an involved groom or he won't. so you will have two choices: 1)be upset with him and eventually he will get interested, but chances are it may be out of guilt to appease you. 2)hope that he will jump on the bandwagon later as the process continues and bet some members of your BP or parents to help ya.

i hope you figure something out!!

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I definitely understand that it's far away... but the only reason I'm doing this stuff right now is so we can book all the important vendors and get that out of the way so we don't have to rush around doing it later, and I explained that to him. At first he didn't believe me that halls book this far in advance... and then we visited a few who already had the entire month before our date booked!
So, I definitely understand all that, I'm just frustrated because I want to do this stuff now so I don't have to worry about it later. This time next year I hope to be in my first year of teaching, so I want to have all of the major stuff out of the way now while I'm only going to school and working part time, so I can focus on teaching next year.
Eh, anyway. Thanks. I'll try not to guilt him into it. I think I'm just disappointed because for about two weeks, he really was into it, and then for some reason it stopped.

My Fh loves to be involved!!! Well... I don't know if he LOVES it... but I think he loves to see me happy and thats why he does everything...

No... actaully I think he loves to be invovled... he comes up with all these creative ideas... most of which i boot... but we won't tell him that! hahahhaha

lol...involved- not really

My dad told him is ONLY job is to show up- and he took that literaly

he would just agree with me anyway and works so much- I just go alone or with my Dad- since he is footing the bill

he is fully involved too. I didn't think he would have wanted to be but he is...

It is weird though, he wants to come to all these appointments, but half the time he is not even paying attention to the vendor - the best is when he actually fell asleep in the middle of a videographer appointment!
We were watching a wedding video and we were sitting on this big leather confy couch. It was a week night and I knew he was tired but I didn't think he'd fall asleep.

At the time I couldn't believe he did that and I was annoyed...but now when I think about it, I think it hysterical..



+ =

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Posted by kam0813

whether he wants too or not he goes with me to see ALL the vendors. I refuse to see anything without him and he wants to meet all the vendors. After we meet all the vendors, we sit and talk and narrow down our choices until we pick the one we want.

He wants to be involved, and I include him in all the stuff, heck I even let him try to paint the 'We Do' letters because he wanted to play with the paints...well...lemme just tell you that didn't come out so nice...so now i'm passing the torch to my lovely friend Athena!

As for stuff like what flowers we're using the in CP's and what our colors are and what colors he's wearing..he gets no say.

But my feeling is that this is OUR wedding, its not just my day its HIS day too and whenever he says 'whatever makes you happy' i get mad because its not just about ME..its about US starting out life together...I mean really...men...OY!

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What's your secret to making him come to all you vendor visits.. I'm always with Eliana. Shed some light Kam

my FH also comes to all vendors with me, he doesnt really complain about it i think he thinks he has no choice which he doesnt!
actually hes being pretty good about the wedding, sometimes giving too much input and we both have to like it or else it doesnt happen...one thing he doesnt do though is research, i research and make all the appts he says he doesnt know how to do that stuff which he is probably right with, but he wants to pick colors too like i wanted yellow in the scheme and he refused!! who does he think he is anyway??

maybe you should take a couple weeks off from doing a lot and let him recharge??it does get tiring sometimes and this way if hes sayin hes tired of wedding stuff maybe he just needs a little break, spend 2 weeks enjoying holiday stuff and not stressing so much about the wedding, it might help

The problem with men is that they think that everything is easy. They dont understand that to find the perfect hall takes time. He was excited in the beginning bc he thought it would have been easy .. now he's just frustrated that it hasn't been picked already.

Whenever I mention to my FH we gotta look at halls he's excited - but I know that it wont last if we dont decide right away.

We started looking at houses - and then decided to wait - but after 2 mths of looking - if I would find one that I thought would interest him - his response would be - whats the point? they all look the same - theres no difference ... we saw so many that we know what they all are like ... bla bla bla and i was like NOO each house is different - what are you talking about?

Men ... we need to write a book so that they can possibly UNDERSTAND US!!!

My FH did come to all of the halls with me. He enjoyed one day of it and seemed excited for like a second. Then he said, 'I'm tired of the wedding stuff!'

So, we picked the hall together and I asked that he be part of picking our DJ since Music is a big deal, so he was part of that decision.

I went on to book our video/photographer without him and most of the rest of the planning will be without him.

I wish he wanted to be more involved but I am okay with making most of the decisions and consulting him once in a while.


Good Luck!!

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Posted by kam0813

whether he wants too or not he goes with me to see ALL the vendors. I refuse to see anything without him and he wants to meet all the vendors. After we meet all the vendors, we sit and talk and narrow down our choices until we pick the one we want.

He wants to be involved, and I include him in all the stuff, heck I even let him try to paint the 'We Do' letters because he wanted to play with the paints...well...lemme just tell you that didn't come out so nice...so now i'm passing the torch to my lovely friend Athena!

As for stuff like what flowers we're using the in CP's and what our colors are and what colors he's wearing..he gets no say.

But my feeling is that this is OUR wedding, its not just my day its HIS day too and whenever he says 'whatever makes you happy' i get mad because its not just about ME..its about US starting out life together...I mean really...men...OY!

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rock on girlfriend I agree with every single thing! FH also comes to eveything with us- The only thing he said 'whatever makes you happy' is the flowers. He doesnt even mind that the whole theme is pink!

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Posted by Love4Eva

Men ... we need to write a book so that they can possibly UNDERSTAND US!!!

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Amen to that! You and me, let's go, let's start writing

Good question.....

It was really rough in the begining.... from day one I wanted him to be involved b/c after all this is OUR wedding!!!

He first said he would and then I realized that he was just like most guys.... not interested!!!

After finally realizing this I decided to move on and not bother him anymore -only when necessary.....

Just recently he came to me and said that he realizes how much I have been doing wedding wise and he wants to be a part of the planning.

Fh said that he will come with me to all appointments going forward including FLOWERS!!!!

Fh used to get mad at the time I spent on LIW and just recently HE asked to see what LIW is all about.... he sat with me... and he realize how much help LIW is (even thought I still OD on it ) and now he has a better understanding and appreciation of EVERYTHING I am doing.

I love this man!!!