How MESSED up is this....

AlexNJohn06 Posted: May 10, 2005 09:50 PM

How MESSED up is this....

One of my closest friends(since we were 5) is totally jealous that Im engaged and shes not even trying to hide it!!! She thinks its ridiculous because she has been with her boyfriend longer and shes not engaged yet. She looks down on every idea i have for the wedding and hates everything i suggested. She even said she doesnt know if she will be a BM!!!

Im really upset about this, what can I do?

buggiegirl Posted: May 10, 2005 09:52 PM

Re: How MESSED up is this....

You have to just ignore people like that- I have had ALOT of jealous friends which is ridiculous IMO, but...some people are just that way!!

You should say it right to her: either be there for me or don't, but I am not taking this from you!!

JMO

Good luck

stevejamnik Posted: May 10, 2005 09:53 PM

Re: How MESSED up is this....

It really stinks when someone that is supposed to be your friend is like that. What I would do is be the better person and let it go. You could also confront her. Tell her that her day will come and until then you will need all the help you can get from her. Maybe she just feels left out. Either way sounds like you need lots of hugs

soon2BmrsC Posted: May 10, 2005 09:57 PM

Re: How MESSED up is this....

It sounds like she is very jealous. I think you should talk to her about. Tell her how it makes you feel. Tell her how much it means to you that she be part of this exciting time and ask her if she can put her own personal issues aside. And honestly, I might even say, if she can't put her selfish feelings aside and be happy for you (like a true friend should) then maybe she shouldn't be part of your special day. I know it sounds harsh but your BP should be supportive and helpful and share in your happiness and excitement. It doesn't sound like she is at a point where she is ready to do that for you despite wherever she is in her relationship.

Good Luck! I hope things can workout without affecting your friendship.

Goldi1021 Posted: May 10, 2005 10:02 PM

Re: How MESSED up is this....

I'd call that a toxic friend. I have a friend from work who is like that. I try not to talk about my wedding in front of her because she brings me down. She will say stuff like 'Oh it will never be me' or 'I am giving up' rather than be happy for her friend. I was always happy for my friends when they got married and had kids before me. I knew I'd have my time. Try to limit 'wedding talk' when you are around her.

amazon_gracie Posted: May 10, 2005 11:26 PM

Re: How MESSED up is this....

I totally agree with the other ladies. If she can't be supportive and excited for you, it might be best that she not be in the BP. Maybe it's time for a heart to heart. That way you can give her a chance to explain herself...

cjb88 Posted: May 10, 2005 11:49 PM

Re: How MESSED up is this....

ba humbug to her!

my girlfriend got engaged before me (and I have been with FI longer) and I was so happy for her and was so excited to be ablet to help her out! Now it is even better both being engaged at the same time and planning wedding stuff together!

shellnroc Posted: May 10, 2005 11:50 PM

Re: How MESSED up is this....

That's sad that your good friend is so jealous. I would think she would want to hear everything about your wedding. Maybe you should discuss how you feel with her. Hopefully that will make things better. You just might have to not talk too much with her about your wedding planning. That's unfortunate but if she is that jealous it may be your last resort. Good Luck!!!

iffer042373 Posted: May 11, 2005 10:33 AM

Re: How MESSED up is this....

I know what that feels like I have a friend who has been with her boyfriend longer then I and she is jealous that we have a child together and are getting married and moving forward with our relationship and that hers is at a stand still. She is in my wedding party and sometimes triesto take over some of the planning I mean I love her help but she wants me to do all these things that is not me and its her style and taste so I tell her to save the ideas for her wedding cuz I am not into that and then she gets all pissy and annoyed cuz she doesn't think her day will ever come

JessicaM. Posted: May 11, 2005 10:49 AM

Re: How MESSED up is this....

really, it seems like she is taking out her anger and frustration at her boyfriend on you. You should tell her that if it bothers her that much, she should address it with him. If she is angry at HER situation, she should do something about it, not rain on your parade...but I am sure deep down she is really hurt and sad...I mean, how would you feel if your now FH, whom you love and want to spend your life with, did not seem to feel the same way....

she definitely shouldn't treat YOU that way, and you should say something- just try to be a better friend now and keep her in mind. JMVERYHO!

conigs25 Posted: May 11, 2005 11:41 AM

Re: How MESSED up is this....

Can i say that the SAME EXACT thing happened to me. I called my friend and directly told her how her actions affected me. It turned out to be a pretty good conversation. I will say though, things arent 100% the same and prob wont be. You cant expect that either. Her envy will out do her rationale thinking unfort. She will prob harbor bitter feelings until she gets engaged.

july06bride Posted: May 11, 2005 11:46 AM

Re: How MESSED up is this....

I have some of those same types of friends, and actually my mother does too...crazy...Everyone's day will come...and although she may wish and be internally a bit jealous verbalizng it to you is simply hurtful and not fair! she is your friend and should be excited for you... i would mention it to her in as kind of a way as possible...but if it continues, I would distance myself a bit, you dont need that at one of the most important times of your life

amstellitelady Posted: May 11, 2005 01:07 PM

Re: How MESSED up is this....

You are not the one she should be upset with. If she's so mad that she's not engaged, it's her boyfriend she should be upset with and maybe have a talken to.

If she's so mad that you got engaged first, forget her. If she can't be happy for you and won't be a BM, that's her loss.

You enjoy your time and planning and hopefully she'll realize what an opportunity she is missing out on by not being involved and rethink her attitude towards you.

good luck

Angel2006 Posted: May 11, 2005 01:07 PM

Re: How MESSED up is this....

That really stinks, sorry... I think that planning a wedding is emotional enough without haveing some one poo-poo on everything you say. Personally I would not want her to be a BM.