My DH is 4 years older than I am. Sometimes I get really frustrated that most of his friends have houses or apartments that they own and are more financially and professionally secure than I am. But then I have to step back and tell myself that they mostly 4-5 years older than I am. If I had 5 more years of work experience, I would expect to be making more money too...
Any one else feel like this?
Valentinegirl
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Re: How much older is your SO? Is it a problem?
DH is 5 years older than me (34). I think it's better cause he was motivated to get a house and get married.
KathleenG
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Farah, I totally totally hear you!!! DH is 5 years older and most of his friends have houses and babies. At a party last weekend one of his friends asked,'So when are you guys moving out to the island?' Like it is so easy to do!! It hurts a lot sometimes because some of DH's friends come from affluent familes and were able to get help. DH and I have to fend for ourselves (not that its a problem, I have done this for many years now, its life) and we have other people in our lives we have to help along the way. It's a lot of pressure for us. People who have security make it sound like such an easy thing sometimes. The bottom line is, I know our time will come it just might take us a little bit longer.
CaCRmr
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Posted by usuk2004
My DH is 4 years older than I am. Sometimes I get really frustrated that most of his friends have houses or apartments that they own and are more financially and professionally secure than I am. But then I have to step back and tell myself that they mostly 4-5 years older than I am. If I had 5 more years of work experience, I would expect to be making more money too...
Any one else feel like this?
My husband is 32 and I'm only 24, all of his friends have houses and babies. We have an apartment. I think about it sometimes that I wish we had a house and kids but then I realize that right now I'm not ready for all of that.
Once we begin our family it will be nice because there would be such a gap in babies that ours would get extremely spoiled
TracyInQueens
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DH and I are only about a year and a half apart. But we were a little older when we married, compared to many of our friends (32 and 34). Plus, DH was a full time student until only about 4 years ago (working on his PhD) so we too are a little behind in terms of having a house (though we are working on that) and I am the only one of my high schools friends who doesn't have kids.
nov04LIbride
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DH is 28, I am 26. I often wish he was older because most of his friends are still single, and still in the living at home/going out all the time stage. I wish we had more couple friends who were settled down and not as into the getting wasted every weekend.
Robeymuse
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DH is 5 years older than me. He had already bought a house and was much more settled down than I was when we met. He was the last of his close friends to get married. So it worked out pretty well. Most of his friends are 5-10 years older than him and already have families. That doesn't work in my favor b/c now DH thinks we can put off having children for 5 years since we are younger! I don't want to wait that long!
pschica
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Posted by usuk2004
My DH is 4 years older than I am. Sometimes I get really frustrated that most of his friends have houses or apartments that they own and are more financially and professionally secure than I am. But then I have to step back and tell myself that they mostly 4-5 years older than I am. If I had 5 more years of work experience, I would expect to be making more money too...
Any one else feel like this?
i am wih you! when we first were dating, i was in college and it was SO weird to go to his friends house who had kids, mortgages, etc - now we are married (i am 26, he is 30!) but still feel like we are in that in between age - we don't have kids and all to 'fit in' with that crowd and my firends still don't really have solid relationships either, so it can be tough!
marymoon
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FH and I are the same age, but I have the opposite problem. We're pretty young (I'm about to turn 23) and all of our friends are still just livng this crazy carefree life, and we're planning a wedding, planning out how and whenw e're going to buy a home, when we're going to have children,e tc, so I feel it's distanced me from my frineds..but I can make friends who are more along my pace, who are suaully older, and my friends will eventually catch up
AnniesSS
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FH is 3 years younger then me
wood2be
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I'm 5 years OLDER than DH. The only real problem we face now is that I'm almost 38 and feel the need to start a family soon. He is not quit there yet a feels the pressure because he knows the longer we wait the harder it will be. The fact that all my friends have children in elementery school doesn't help the situation.
sophie78
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DH is 7 years older. It is a good thing!! He is established in his career. He makes good money which afforded us a great house (way better than if I married someone my age). I can't think of any reason why it is negative for our relationship.
MrsJ
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My DH is 6 yrs older than me. We have all the same friends, always have since we grew up in the same town with the same circle of friends. I think we might be a little more secure than some of them but I've never felt like we're better or that they are more mature than me.
usuk2004
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Posted by am470
DH is 7 years older. It is a good thing!! He is established in his career. He makes good money which afforded us a great house (way better than if I married someone my age). I can't think of any reason why it is negative for our relationship.
I guess I just feel this way because we're trying to save money now for a house. The mortgage payments will be a breeze, it's just the deposit that's so hard to save for Right now we're saving my entire salary and living off of his, but it's still slow going. I feel like he's carrying all of the weight, and if I just made more money it would really help. Then I look at most of his friends and they all seem so established - they're all successful, a few own their own companies, they have their own homes (some own townhouses in the equivalent of Park Slope or something). It's just really frustrating and I feel in a way that I'm holding him back...
sophie78
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Posted by usuk2004
Posted by am470
DH is 7 years older. It is a good thing!! He is established in his career. He makes good money which afforded us a great house (way better than if I married someone my age). I can't think of any reason why it is negative for our relationship.
I guess I just feel this way because we're trying to save money now for a house. The mortgage payments will be a breeze, it's just the deposit that's so hard to save for Right now we're saving my entire salary and living off of his, but it's still slow going. I feel like he's carrying all of the weight, and if I just made more money it would really help. Then I look at most of his friends and they all seem so established - they're all successful, a few own their own companies, they have their own homes (some own townhouses in the equivalent of Park Slope or something). It's just really frustrating and I feel in a way that I'm holding him back...
I understand how you feel. But it sounds like you are doing all the right things. It will just take time.
TracyInQueens
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Re: How much older is your SO? Is it a problem?
Posted by usuk2004
Posted by am470
DH is 7 years older. It is a good thing!! He is established in his career. He makes good money which afforded us a great house (way better than if I married someone my age). I can't think of any reason why it is negative for our relationship.
I guess I just feel this way because we're trying to save money now for a house. The mortgage payments will be a breeze, it's just the deposit that's so hard to save for Right now we're saving my entire salary and living off of his, but it's still slow going. I feel like he's carrying all of the weight, and if I just made more money it would really help. Then I look at most of his friends and they all seem so established - they're all successful, a few own their own companies, they have their own homes (some own townhouses in the equivalent of Park Slope or something). It's just really frustrating and I feel in a way that I'm holding him back...
Two live more cheaply than one since you split utilities, etc. At least, this is what I found. My rent was $1050 for my one bedroom, but then we got a bigger place for only a little more. So I went from being stretched thin to being able to save a good amount. And the same went for him- his place was cheap for Manhattan, but when we began living together he too was able to save. We also save on car insurance because we have a multi-car policy. So I don't think you're holding him back at all. It sounds like you're doing the best you can.
JodiBabe
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my DH is 2 years older than me
Butterflybride
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DH isn't even a full year older than I am, which is great, because we're both pretty much on the same level as to what we want now and what we want in the future.
mrsmck
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DH is 11 years older than me!! He went thru some bad times in college and ended up dropping out for a while (and eventaully went back). Sometimes he get down cause he feels he wasted all that time, and now we're starting from scratch. He told me he was not ready (both financially and emotionally) to get married when he was in his 20's, and he said he's definitely glad he waited. We're a little slow out of the gate, but we'll eventually reach the finish line.
Bunnymonkey
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FH is 7 years older than me. I always say that I would not be getting married right now if it were to a man my age (25.) i like that he is 32, emotionally mature, knows what he wants, and was never afraid of comitting.
The only problem it poses is that his biological clock is ticking way faster - he wants kids soon, I want them later. We are working on a compromise...
