How selfish am I?

Your not a bad friend. But I wouldnt worry about it.

1 Im sure lots of people wont be able to attend. And also you will be married and recovering from your honeymoon If you are really upset about it maybe you could goto spain for the honeymoon that week. Save 'your honeymoon' for your one year?

2 Trust me she will be in to your wedding you guys are friends

3 Trying on or buying your dress is flattering. You wont be able to see it. How many people from your wedding will be there PLUS You wore it first!

I don't think your a bad friend but your worrying to much!!!

First of all your wedding is first so if she wore your dress everyone would know that she copied you. If you tell her you wouldn't want her wearing the same dress I am sure she wouldn't.

I am sure she is a good friend of yours and that she will make your bridal shower about you and she will do everything she can for you that she would have done if she wasn't having her reception!

She must have took into consideration that your wedding was coming up to and must be preparied to spend on you as well!

Cheer up it's ok and I am sure she will understand you cannot make it.

---

Posted by september2004

Have you told her you will not be able to make it to her wedding? Personally, 'I can't afford it' would be the biggest slap in the face for me if I were your MOH. For me, family and good friends prioritize and make both time and money for what is important. If I took the time and $$ to be in your wedding and you couldn't even show up for mine for the above stated reasons, you would be minus one friend...

---

Ya but its not like this wedding is in NJ or Down the block its in SPAIN?

---

Posted by june262004

---

Posted by september2004

Have you told her you will not be able to make it to her wedding? Personally, 'I can't afford it' would be the biggest slap in the face for me if I were your MOH. For me, family and good friends prioritize and make both time and money for what is important. If I took the time and $$ to be in your wedding and you couldn't even show up for mine for the above stated reasons, you would be minus one friend...

---

Ya but its not like this wedding is in NJ or Down the block its in SPAIN?

---

depends how close one is to the person i guess... i know that i will go wherever my MOH elects to have her wedding. one of my brides maids traveled back and forth from california for my shower and wedding (even though i told her i didn't want her spending the cash on trip for the shower, we also picked up the tab for her hotel the night of the wedding).

it all depends i guess, i'm not a jealous person and would be happy for the both of us and not worry about all that was mentioned.

---

Posted by september2004

---

Posted by june262004

---

Posted by september2004

Have you told her you will not be able to make it to her wedding? Personally, 'I can't afford it' would be the biggest slap in the face for me if I were your MOH. For me, family and good friends prioritize and make both time and money for what is important. If I took the time and $$ to be in your wedding and you couldn't even show up for mine for the above stated reasons, you would be minus one friend...

---

Ya but its not like this wedding is in NJ or Down the block its in SPAIN?

---

depends how close one is to the person i guess... i know that I will go wherever my MOH elects to have her wedding. one of my brides maids traveled back and forth from California for my shower and wedding (even though I told her I didn't want her spending the cash on trip for the shower, we also picked up the tab for her hotel the night of the wedding).

It all depends I guess, I'm not a jealous person and would be happy for the both of us and not worry about all that was mentioned.

---

Well IM not a jealous person either. I could care less. BUT If my Best Friend (MO) went to a DIFFERENT COUNTRY to get married I probably wouldn't be able to go I dont have the money. P.S. Its a lot cheaper (not that its cheap but CHEAPER) and easier to fly to California then it is to fly to SPAIN Especially after you just paid for a NY wedding

---

Posted by june262004
Well IM not a jealous person either. I could care less. BUT If my Best Friend (MO) went to a DIFFERENT COUNTRY to get married I probably wouldn't be able to go I dont have the money. P.S. Its a lot cheaper (not that its cheap but CHEAPER) and easier to fly to California then it is to fly to SPAIN Especially after you just paid for a NY wedding

---

i was comparing 2 trips back and forth from california to 1 trip to spain, flights to california aren't cheap if one can't get a deal. i'm just giving my take, if i didn't show up for my sisters (MOH) wedding on mars due to lack of funds, there would be hell to pay and i wouldn't blame her... if it were someone less close to me than i would perhaps rethink it, but i personally would travel wherever for the 3 girls i had in my bridal party because they consisted of my sister, SIL, and best friend.

I dont know I keep thinking about this and I just cant believe someone would Dump a friend cause they couldnt afford to goto another country to see them get married again. It just seems so sad to me We just bought a house and my vacations are pretty much over for a while.

---

Posted by june262004

I dont know I keep thinking about this and I just cant believe someone would Dump a friend cause they couldnt afford to goto another country to see them get married again. It just seems so sad to me We just bought a house and my vacations are pretty much over for a while.

---

we just bought a house too but have prioritized and allocated funds for important trips like going to italy for DH's cousin's wedding (date yet to be determined but they were targeting sometime in 2006). we do have to cut back on things for us, but anticipate and allocate buget accordingly for certain things that are important to us.

i personally would never drag and expect everyone to attend my wedding in spain and believe it is selfish for the friend to even think that everyone would go. however, if this person is really close and spending time and $$$ on me, i would want to do as much as i could in return (within reason of course). in my circle of friends if money is an issue for things out of one's control, then we would figure out a way to include that person one way or another.

i dunno maybe i'm harsh, but i have little patience for 'i've spent all my $$$ on myself, had you spend $$$ on me and now i can't return the favor'. it's all relative. i'm also a person who would rather have the important people around me vs. spending money on dresses, makeup, gifts, etc. maybe simply sending a gift is enough for this person.

if my wedding was planned, vacations booked and then i find out that my MOH is planning something then i probably wouldn't alter my plans, but i'd like to think that would ever happen because we try to plan things in advance and together.

I going through a similar situation. Your not a bad friend, it's just supposed to be your time. I know.....

1 - Money issues aside for a moment, I can see taking time off from work a month after you just got back from your HM being a problem. Back to the money issues. After everything you just explained, I don't think you are being selfish by not attending because you can't afford it. As long as she knows that you would be there if those two things would just work out, she should be able to understand.

I guess you are not her MOH then, right?

2. Are you not going to be that into HER wedding because you are planning your own? She'll be just as much into yours as you are into hers. I wouldn't worry too much about this part.

3. I wouldn't worry about her wanting your gown at all. Every bride wants to be unique and individual and feel very special on her wedding day. I don't see her accomplishing that if she gets the same gown as you. Even if you don't have the same guest SHE'LL know it's the same gown AND she'll see it her pictures... right after she sees YOUR pictures. I don't see this happening at all.

You're not a bad friend, it's just that the bridezilla in you (in all of us) is trying to rear it's head a little. Just keep in check. It happens to all brides.