Ok, so one of my good friends recently got married and I was in her bridal party. I went to her shower which was in VERMONT----I picked up HER friends, drove 4 hours for a 3 hour party and 4 hours home. I stayed for two nights for her wedding in VERMONT and gave her a generous gift. Not to mention I was present at all of her bridal party dress fittings etc. I am getting married and she is in my bridal party and She didnt come to my Engagement party because she was working and did not come to pick out dresses with me and my bridal party and NOW...I just had my surprise bridal shower this past weekend and she did NOT come, because my sister said she 'had to work' I am so upset. She did not even call me after to see how the shower was. She only lives in NYC there is no reason for her not to have been at my shower. I feel like I dont want her in my bp now..but that will ruin our friendship. what should I do? Any advice?
rocketsummer17
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Re: how should I handle this?
it really depends on how bad the situation is...Has she always been like this or is it just now? If she has always been like this then there isnt much you can do to change it. If she is like this starting now, maybe there is something going on with her that she hasnt told you. Try calling her and talking to her, tell her that she hurt you by doing what she did and see what her reaction is...after you speak to her you might be better able to make a decision wether you want her in the BP or not...
NC1011
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Re: how should I handle this?
hmmmmmmmmmmm. sounds kinda unfair to me. But I guess it really depends. Some people's situations with work and finances differ from others. However, the fact that she never even called you after your shower to acknowledge is in my opinion unacceptable. As to what you should do.........decide how big of a deal this is to you. You could try and take this as a learning experience and just bear it in mind for future encounters that include her. Hopefully you have other BM's that you can depend on more and if so, just lean on them and maybe even give the other one the cold shoulder for a while (hee hee, that's the vindictive side of me showing). Good luck and try not to let it get you too down.
Butterfly123
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Re: how should I handle this?
It really ***** that she's acting this way but you have to take into consideration whether she has a job that she can just 'take off' from. If she had to work, she had to work. And it also depends on her financial situation. Maybe she really cant afford to call out. Find all of this out before jumping the gun. She should have called though and explained herself. That wasnt right and you should express how you feel to her. Try to talk it out with her.
MrsG2007
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Re: how should I handle this?
Speak to her...and ask her why she hasn't made it to all parties and fittings...and ask her that you are hurt that she isn't taking interest in the wedding... maybe she is having problems at work.....or at home...or both...sometimes its better to talk it over...
Good Luck..
Cacarina
Posted:
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Re: how should I handle this?
WOW, I can't believe one of your BMs didn't come to your shower. I find that to be unacceptable. I am sure she had plenty of notice of the shower to take off work! That, to me, is not a good enough excuse. You need to have a talk with this one!
Annoulak
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Re: how should I handle this?
Sorry to hear about the crappy way she's treating you, but you're not alone...my FH has 4 older brothers, 2 of whome live in Florida, 1 in Ohio, and 1 in NJ. For our engagement party, the brothers from Ohio and NJ came, and while we didn't expect his brothers from FL to make it, we were expecting some sort of a card. One FL brother sent a card, but the other sent absolutely nothing, not even a phone call, nada.
So, while your issue is with a friend who you can technically stop being friends with if you really wanted, we have to deal with a 'deadbeat' brother who we can't stop being family with (and we've tried). We've decided to overlook it and take it in stride...there will come a time when they're celebrating something and they'll receive the same treatment.
Daisy Bride
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Re: how should I handle this?
You have to think about how you will feel when you look back at your wedding pictures. I know that sounds stupid but if you think you will look at them & get aggrivated because she shouldn't have been in the wedding then you should talk to her but if it would be sad because she's left out then I would keep her in & just tell her you are dissapointed & you want to spend a day or some time together doing wedding stuff
SchubeyDoobieDoo
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Re: how should I handle this?
Thanks for the advice. I am sensitive to my friends finances, but I also feel like she just had a wedding (which she did not pay for on her own), and clearly got some money and I feel like the bridal party should be at the shower, unless there is someting else going on. Having to work is unacceptable to me. She only works for 4 hours on a sat and If my wedding and friendship is not worth losing 4 hours pay..then maybe she shouldnt be in the bridal party. ugh. Well I guess i will start by talking to her a letting her know i am upset. I will let you know how it goes.
