I wrote a while ago about my father being in the hospital. Well, he was diagnosed with end-stage lung cancer. He is still putting up a fight...so we will see how that goes. He said the wedding should go on as-is. So we are doing as he wishes...
However, FIs grandmother just passed away from lung cancer (strange coincidence). Very quickly. His grandparents were married for 60 years and were a great example of what a marriage and love should be. We had something special planned for them...the anniversary dance knowing they would be married the longest.
Question is, how do you deal with this and acknowledge the loss of a loved one during the wedding? Is there something else we can do for his grandparents?
Sorry, it is just so hard moving on. And we feel guilty about looking forward to our special day. But we know everyone is looking for some happiness during this terrible time...
JP&EP
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Re: How to cope during tough times?
I don't really have any answers for you, just wanted to send some good wishes your way
Stacey04
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Re: How to cope during tough times?
I'm sorry but I don't have any ideas..my granfather passed away about a month ago, he was 92, and he and my grandma were married for 62 years...my grandmother doesn't even want to walk up the aisle in the church b/c he won't be there.
You can light a candle during the ceremony for his grandmother and for anyone else that is/was close to you that will not be there....
Or if you are making programs you could put a little something in that...
Bebalina
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Re: How to cope during tough times?
it sounds like a nice idea....but now I'm thinking do u really want to bring it up on ur happy day? perhaps light a memorial candle
ETS: many to u
May2704bride
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Re: How to cope during tough times?
How about making a donation to the American Lung Association in lieu of favors in honor of your Grandparents.
I understand how you are feeling as my father passed away from Stage 4 lung cancer 2 years ago. It is very hard to watch them suffer . Just stay strong
tourist
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Re: How to cope during tough times?
Most wedigns I've been to, if they have programs, lsit deceased family members in it. Not is a dperessign ay- jsut at the end-
In memory of: name, relation.
I am going to do soemthign like that, for our grandparents & aunt & unlce that passed away. We aren't doing candles, but none of them were immediate family members & none of them too recent (most recent-April 2002)
If it is something recent, like your FH's grandmother, you may want to also dedicate a song at the reception, or have a moment of silence or something. My friend lost his grandfather a few weeks before his wedding, and his BM/cousin mentioned it in his speech, He started off with that & then wnet on to other things, so it was swet, don't depressing. Another friend lost her dad a motnh before & didn't do anything special. I think for her, it would have been too hard. Her brother walked her down the aisle & danced with her.
Its really up to you & what you can handle & what you feel is appropriate. I would feel disrespectful, if I didn't mention my grandma in the program. I would also feel like I left her out. this is sort of my way of 'inviting her'. I am also getting married in her old church, but I don't think I am puttign that in the program unless I figure out a way to do it without being cheesey. I also want to mention my grandfather in the program, he is alive, but very ill, and can't travel.
Donna
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Re: How to cope during tough times?
First I'm sorry for your loss and I'm sorry to hear about your dad. I can only imagine these are tough times for you and FH.
As a nice way to remember - why don't you set up a table with family member wedding photos - the grandparents, parents, maybe godparents? Since they were such a good example you can honor that.
Or maybe use their wedding song as your first or second dance song?
StepherG
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Re: How to cope during tough times?
I am so sorry to hear about all the tough things going on in your life right now. I can relate. I just lost my father to cancer 4 weeks ago tomorrow. It was 2 weeks before my wedding. Needless to say we postponed.
However, what we plan on doing at our August 1st wedding is doing a memorial table at the reception. Nothing morbid or weird, just pictures of lost loved ones and maybe a nice poem in a frame with a lit candle. The poem would probably say something like this:
Although death has separated us physically, faith and love have bound us eternally. Though we cannot see you, we know you are here. May this be a reminder of the memories we have shared, a representation of the everlasting impact you’ve made upon our lives.
Not too sure of the poem part yet.
tourist
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Re: How to cope during tough times?
Posted by StepherG
I am so sorry to hear about all the tough things going on in your life right now. I can relate. I just lost my father to cancer 4 weeks ago tomorrow. It was 2 weeks before my wedding. Needless to say we postponed.
However, what we plan on doing at our August 1st wedding is doing a memorial table at the reception. Nothing morbid or weird, just pictures of lost loved ones and maybe a nice poem in a frame with a lit candle. The poem would probably say something like this:
Although death has separated us physically, faith and love have bound us eternally. Though we cannot see you, we know you are here. May this be a reminder of the memories we have shared, a representation of the everlasting impact you’ve made upon our lives.
Not too sure of the poem part yet.
That's really sweet--How are you holding up?
ikasse02
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Re: How to cope during tough times?
Thanks for the advice!
StepherG - I love the poem! Who wrote it?
Maybe we can dedicate the wedding to them in the ceremony program since they really were a great example for our marriage to follow...
We also have some great pictures of his grandmother - including the last one of the three of us we took together in the hospital - she looked so incredibly happy.
I just hope my dad will be able to make it to the ceremony...
The FI and I are very lucky to have each other because without him I wouldn't be able to function - but also all of our incredible friends have been so supportive through this.
StepherG
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Re: How to cope during tough times?
Tourist-
Thanks for asking. Sometimes ok, sometimes not. It's been a really hard time in my life. But I am thankful that my dad met my fiance and helped me to choose my wedding dress. He was actually there when I tried it on for the first time. I have great memories...I just can't believe he's gone.
This site has been a great distraction.
Thanks girls! Stephanie
StepherG
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Re: How to cope during tough times?
Not sure who wrote the poem. I picked it up somewhere on The Knot I think.
jessnyc711
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Re: How to cope during tough times?
I just hope that you and your family stay strong and love each other to the fullest during this tough time. I can only make suggestions, but you have to decide what you and your family can handle. Yes it will be very emotional and tears cannot be stopped on your day. As your father said, go through with everything as normal, this is a happy time in your life and your families lives and you need the most of these 'happy moments' as possible. Think about your father and how happy he will be to be there for your wedding, he doesn't want to miss that for anything. As for your grandparents - why not still do the special dance for them, everyone should get up and dance during that song and say that they were such a perfect role model of marriage and everyone to get up and dance together with their loved ones in memory of your grandmother and you and your mother can dance together with your grandfather or your husband's to be grandfather or something like that.
