How to deal with a religious FMIL...

I've always been respectful to my FMIL because of my FH, never wanting to be confrontational, etc, but everytime she brings up religion, I seriously get a knot in my stomach. I can't even talk. I'm just tired of her trying to force something on me. I told her that FH knew I wasn't religious to being with when we got together. Anyways she as telling me if I don't convert (to Christianity) our lives will be very difficult, etc. It just sickens me. I can't stand her!!! This happens on New Year's Eve, mind you. What kind of person 'forwarns you that your marriage will be difficult?' What kind of support is that?

Anyways just wanted to vent. I don't want to put FH in the middle. He actually told her to stop but I just can't help feel like nothing is resolved that when she finds a moment with me, she'll try again. When we left, we hugged and she was like 'We'll talk-ALONE.' Honestly that just makes me nervous. I don't want to deal with her. Also I don't want to be rude because she is my FH' mom. HELP ME..what can I do?

FH already spoke to her but I'm wondering what to do when she accosts me alone, (which she loves to do).

My advice..tell her that you respect her religion...but you don't follow that religion..and if
she respected you..she wouldn't force her religion on you...

Good Luck....

Yeah I know I need to talk to her (AGAIN). It's weird. I already told her (over and over) again. I don't think she's going to quit. That's just her personality. The worst thing is she acts like 'she knows it all' but she alienates people and not many people like her.

I'm just frustrated because I want to be left alone. Religion to me is something personal. It's not something you wake up and say 'YES I BELIEVE,' it's personal and not something I want to discuss with her. I just think it's very righteous of her but how can I say these things to her? I want to keep the peace but it's very difficult. FH told her to not talk to me about it, but she won't quit.

Anyways I agree that I need to just tell her that it's really none of her business and that it makes me feel uncomfortable. I think that is the easier sollution.

***Update, my mom called me and said FMIL called HER and talked for an hour about religion reading from the bible and telling her that my FH said it was a mistake to marry me knowing I'm not Christian (WHICH IS A BIG FAT LIE) .

Anyways she was causing so much hurt and anger and my sweet mom had to tell her flat out. 'The couple have no problems without their FMIL getting involved,' then she fell silent. I couldnt BELIEVE she did that. What is her problem? Then my mom said to her that if I wanted to convert, it's my choice and my choice only. FMIL kept repeating she isn't 'FORCING' me but honestly the past year it felt like it and she said that there is still time before we get married, before it's too late.

Um What is too late? Also she lied and said no officiant will marry an interfaith marriage which is just BS. DOes she think my parents don't know anything? Anyways long story short, it has been confirmed that she is fanatical and will stop at nothing.

I just want her to leave my parents at peace. I told them if she ever calls again, to cut the conversation short and say, 'We do NOT want to talk about religion.' Because that is what I will say as well. If she EVER brings it up to me again, I will say 'You said if I'm unhappy, you're unhappy so it's best we don't discuss then. ' Period. THen I will excuse myself and go to the bathroom or whatnot.

I'm nervous because I'm the type of person that has to practice what I say in my mind because I tend to freeze up and get scared. But I know I have to stand up to myself.

I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this! Her only issue may not be religion--she seems very controlling and it may be a way of 'rebelling' against losing her son.

So sorry about this. I think you just need to draw the line and tell her that you don't want to hear it...and refuse to hear it.

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Posted by zoe282

My FH is Greek orthodox and I am catholic...and to be honest not sure what i feel about organized religion....but i agreed to ge tmarried in a greek orthodox church and agreed to have the childred raised in his church...i told him and his family that I would not be responsible for the childrens religious upbringing if that's how they wanted to do it. I will support it but I won't be the one bringing them to church on sunday. My FH agreed and there we are....Maybe instead of waiting for her to bombard you, you should call and ask to meet with her...maybe have FH with you and say that she is making you uncomfortable and that you don't want this to harm your relationship. That religion is between you and FH and you'd like it if she'd stop bringing it up with you. I think honesty is best at this point rather then being afraid everytime you are alone together....

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WOW!!! Everything you said in your first paragraph is EXACTLY what is going on with me!! The church for the wedding, the baptisms and the religous upbringing. I know there are a few other brides on this site with similar situations too. Maybe we should all form a suppor group or something I made it very clear to my Future In-laws that I have no intentions of converting and although I am a christian, I will continue to practice my own faith the way I always have. I will be supportive of FH' and his religion to the best of my abilites, without sacrificing myself. I even have been taking Greek language classes for 2 years now, b/c FH and his family are fluent and I really want our children to be able to have as much culture as possible instilled into them

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Posted by HappyPlanner

***Update, my mom called me and said FMIL called HER and talked for an hour about religion reading from the bible and telling her that my FH said it was a mistake to marry me knowing I'm not Christian (WHICH IS A BIG FAT LIE) .

Anyways she was causing so much hurt and anger and my sweet mom had to tell her flat out. 'The couple have no problems without their FMIL getting involved,' then she fell silent. I couldnt BELIEVE she did that. What is her problem? Then my mom said to her that if I wanted to convert, it's my choice and my choice only. FMIL kept repeating she isn't 'FORCING' me but honestly the past year it felt like it and she said that there is still time before we get married, before it's too late.

Um What is too late? Also she lied and said no officiant will marry an interfaith marriage which is just BS. DOes she think my parents don't know anything? Anyways long story short, it has been confirmed that she is fanatical and will stop at nothing.

I just want her to leave my parents at peace. I told them if she ever calls again, to cut the conversation short and say, 'We do NOT want to talk about religion.' Because that is what I will say as well. If she EVER brings it up to me again, I will say 'You said if I'm unhappy, you're unhappy so it's best we don't discuss then. ' Period. THen I will excuse myself and go to the bathroom or whatnot.

I'm nervous because I'm the type of person that has to practice what I say in my mind because I tend to freeze up and get scared. But I know I have to stand up to myself.

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i'm really sorry that your going through this, and I can safely say that to a point, I can relate to what you are feeling (see my above post). I'll offer you the same advice that was offered to me by several neutral parties. As long as you and FH form a united force, you will be fine. It is very important that you both understand that once you are married, it is YOUR lives together that matters above all else. At the end of the night, when you close your door before going to bed, the people inside are #1. I have tried as best as I can to remain as calm about the whole interfaith thing as I can possibly be, which trust me has NOT been easy. Once the wedding is over, you and your FH will live your lives the way YOU choose to. Your FMIL is most likely doing this to you b/c your FH is not listening to what she is saying, and for some reason she feels that she stands a better chance at manipulating you. My FMIL use to do the same thing to me. She used to say things to me that were on her mind when FH was not around b/c she knew he would get mad and although she didnt want to fight with him, she was still insistent on putting in her two cents. Stay strong and try to be as amicable as possible and just remember, that as long as you know that you FH and you have an understanding, that is all you really need.

Im sorry that you have felt pressured and confronted. you shouldnt have to feel nervous about every interaction with your FMIL.

Ya know..I think sometimes when ppl feel so convicted about their faith and comfort in their beliefs, they just want that sort of peace and knowledge for all those around them..... and what might be good intentions of sharing the 'good news' may actually come off as pushing something on you. the intention is not carried out the right way. I say this from a place of being a strongly convicted Christian and knowing that I would love it for others to know the same blessings and peace that I have in/from my faith...BUT I know that it is not my place to PUSH it on anyone...and for me, sometimes simply living the example or sharing my own story without intention of converting someone is a better way of dealing with those feelings. Im sorry that your FMIL has made you feel uncomfortable and I hope for all of you that there is some sort of resolution so that this isnt constantly an issue for you, DH, and your families in the future.

best wishes.

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Posted by Aug07OFCbride

Im sorry that you have felt pressured and confronted. you shouldnt have to feel nervous about every interaction with your FMIL.

Ya know..I think sometimes when ppl feel so convicted about their faith and comfort in their beliefs, they just want that sort of peace and knowledge for all those around them..... and what might be good intentions of sharing the 'good news' may actually come off as pushing something on you. the intention is not carried out the right way. I say this from a place of being a strongly convicted Christian and knowing that I would love it for others to know the same blessings and peace that I have in/from my faith...BUT I know that it is not my place to PUSH it on anyone...and for me, sometimes simply living the example or sharing my own story without intention of converting someone is a better way of dealing with those feelings. Im sorry that your FMIL has made you feel uncomfortable and I hope for all of you that there is some sort of resolution so that this isnt constantly an issue for you, DH, and your families in the future.

best wishes.

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I was just going to write the exact same thing. I KNOW she is up ur a** about this - but know that her intentions aren't as bad as they seem to be. She probably wants what she thinks is best for her son, and the whole 'letting go of ur baby boy' thing is thrown in there too....if he grew up in a christian household, she probably just has this vision of what she wants for her son...just like jess said above, i'm sure she just wants u to share in blessings & peace & to have a happy marraige with God as the center of it all...however, PUSHING it on someone and shoving religion down someones throat is not the answer. I try to live by example & when people ask 'why is it ur so happy all the time' or 'why are u guys making it' i use THAT as an opportunity...i like people to be inspired by my story..not convicted or converted. If i were u, i'd be 100% honest with her (without being rude or nasty or fighting lol) and tell her exactly what u stated above....that u want it to be something personel for you - and that her TELLING u what u HAVE to do is not helping at all...and i'd tell her too that she's only pushing u further away & turning u off to what she wants for the two of you. Believe me.. my MIL is VERY 'religious' to the point where it sometimes starts arguments and i COME from a christian household & lead a christian life with DH! ...so i totally feel ya on this. again i'm so sorry u're going through this...but lots of hugs for u i hope things get better and that everyone is happy in the end

Thanks ladies for all your support. I like hearing feedback from all viewpoints...it comforts me to know that even though we may not agree on everything 100% but that there is understanding....

**UPdate..I told FH what happened before and he was very upset and called his mom immediately. I would've preferred that he spoke to her on his own but I think she knew he was going to call and didn't want to deal because she told him she was 'too tired to talk.' Anyways FH feels bad and I told him to tell her that if she wants to talk, to come to me and not involve my parents.

I feel better now.....I have a better idea of how to go about it in a more mature way...

I know that she means well, and I want to look at the positive side of it. But I also told my FH that she is alienating everyone and tell just let us be for now. If I choose to follow the same path as him and his mom, it'll happen naturally.

Thanks all again for listening!!!

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Posted by MrsG2007

My advice..tell her that you respect her religion...but you don't follow that religion..and if
she respected you..she wouldn't force her religion on you...

Good Luck....

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i agree but i would also add that being a good christian she should accept all of your feelings or opinions whether she feels they are good or bad