How to deal with FH thats just not into the wedding
NancyN
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How to deal with FH thats just not into the wedding
Hey- So my FH is so not into the wedding. He is so excited to get married and would do it tomorrow - but just not happy about all the money and the big 'show' as he calls it. He just wants to be married (which is nice)
We've talked alot about it - and since we both have large families there is no such thing as a small wedding. I am pretty much doing all the planning b/c I know he doesn't want to - but then everytime I tell him about something I did - he goes on a tangent about money. (PS - i'm not even telling him the prices)
It really *****!! I am not being an over the top fancy bride and trying to save wherever I can - but everytime I bring the wedding up - he complains, then I get upset.
He hasn't asked any one to be his best men yet either b/c he hates it and thinks they all will too.
Re: How to deal with FH thats just not into the wedding
Just enjoy it yourself with your family and friends and dont ask him too many opinions. He is a guy and flowers and dresses are not going to get him as excited as a woman. As it gets closer, he may get more into it!
thelastresort
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Re: How to deal with FH thats just not into the wedding
I am in the same exact boat as you, right on down to the best man thing, so I completely understand. Honestly, I don't know how long you've been engaged and/or planning, but I'm at a point where I just ignore him b/c his complaining just ***** the fun out of wedding planning for me. I've decided that I'm better off sharing the details and my excitement with people who care, like my mom and my friends and of course the LIW ladies!
kimnsteve
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Re: How to deal with FH thats just not into the wedding
Here's my opinion and you may not like it...sorry
do not pressure him into anything he does not want ...just like me and many other girls we want to have a princess wedding ...but he's a guy ..most of them do not want to be a princess...lol We had to change or wedding to a DW because we almost broke up over the fact that he did not want a huge wedding. he wants something in city hall and I want a huge porduction so i met him in the middle.
Just talk it over with him and ask him what he expects from putting a ring on your finger...that's what i don't get ...it's the guy that asks u to marry him and then he doesnt want to be invloved !
Don't worry I'm sure it will work out ! HTH
NancyN
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Re: How to deal with FH thats just not into the wedding
thanks!
I'm not pressuring him - but he doesn't want any of this. But he knows its important to me - so he said he will do it - but I guess feels the need to complain about it whenever i talk about it.
He wants to move upstate after we get married - and i dont want to - but I am willing to do it for him b/c I know its important to him and will make him happy. (and not complain each time we talk) But he can't do that.
I think he's just being difficult.
CLMon7906
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Re: How to deal with FH thats just not into the wedding
Posted by diamondgrlie
Just enjoy it yourself with your family and friends and dont ask him too many opinions. He is a guy and flowers and dresses are not going to get him as excited as a woman. As it gets closer, he may get more into it!
yup! mine was NOT interested at all. he now fully acknowledges that i planned hte entire event and gives me full credit.
AMGBride2008
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Re: How to deal with FH thats just not into the wedding
Plain and simple... he's a guy.
M&S Sept12006
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Re: How to deal with FH thats just not into the wedding
Sweetie I dont think any of them are into this whole wedding planning...but you will see him change appx 2 months before the wedding...he'll want to know if everything is done and how is it going to look like and run...trust me...they're men...they have different 'priorities'...I wouldnt take it personally...talk to your family and friends and of course us! Thats what we're here for!
rachie
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Re: How to deal with FH thats just not into the wedding
Posted by KimAMalone
Plain and simple... he's a guy.
\
VERY TRUE
NancyN
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Re: How to deal with FH thats just not into the wedding
thanks ladies!!
ant n tilde
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Re: How to deal with FH thats just not into the wedding
i love reading these posts, it makes me feel like i am not alone!
honestly at first i was upset that FH wasn't into the planning - but then i realized that i was just upset bc of what 'other people would think'- you know, that people would think it was bad that he wasn't involved- and i was just comparing the situation to other people's situations and getting upset
but then i started to look at it differently, i booked everything with my cousin, sister or mother - and i had a great time doing it! everyone was so supportive and helpful and i had a great time at all our vendor appts. If i had been there with FH he would have been annoyed - and not interested
from the day i got engaged i knew i wasnt going to be marrying a man that cares about which calla lilies to use or which photo album. . . its just part of his personality and i knew what i was getting myself in to!
now i just enjoy the planning on my own, with my friends and family - and i know when he sees the wedding all 'put together' he is going to be so proud of me it makes it so worth it!
AlBaBride
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Re: How to deal with FH thats just not into the wedding
I am definitely in the same position as you...At first I would become really upset everytime I had an idea that I would share with FH only to get either a negative response or an indifferent one. If was getting to the point where I would get nervous everyime I wanted to do something. I was breaking out like crazy and became so emotional.
Over the last few weeks though I realized that if I wanted to start enjoying planning my wedding then I really had to just tell people that would get excited about my plans...so now I share ideas with my sister, bridesmaids, friends, mother, mil, and LIW boards. I think he started noticing that I wasn't really talking about the wedding with him b/c he actually asks questions now and reminds me that we still have to book a few vendors. Also, now that we have a little more $$ saved then we did when we first started planning, I think he sees our wedding now as something we can actually manage paying for. It'll get better. Hang in there!
GettinHutched
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Re: How to deal with FH thats just not into the wedding
My FH and I have only just begun, and I thought he'd be the same way...but once we went to visit a hall and we had the menu in our hands- he grabbed it right out of mine and started picking the menu for the wedding!!
The way to a man's heart is through his stomach...or something like that, as the saying goes!!
Everything else, I can tell he can care less. It's all about the food/liquor/music to him. Fine by me!!
But I sympathise, the complaining does not help. I'm sure I'll get the $$ arguments as well! If you want to try to get him interested, start with the menu!
AlmostMrsKelly
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Re: How to deal with FH thats just not into the wedding
i wish i had some advice for you... but i'm less than a month away and FH still isn't interested... and it still upsets me... so i'm of no use. just know you aren't alone
Re: How to deal with FH thats just not into the wedding
Posted by lollipop
I am in the same exact boat as you, right on down to the best man thing, so I completely understand. Honestly, I don't know how long you've been engaged and/or planning, but I'm at a point where I just ignore him b/c his complaining just ***** the fun out of wedding planning for me. I've decided that I'm better off sharing the details and my excitement with people who care, like my mom and my friends and of course the LIW ladies!
Did I tell you guys I was trying to bring back word? Well this seems appropriate!
WORD!!!!
I am in the same position as the both of you and you couldn't have said it better LOLLIPOP! He dosen't need to know sh!t about anything. When FH asks me how much this costs or how much that costs I say ' five dollars' and he keeps asking and I keep saying over and over.. 5 dollars. Or I give him a 'nunya' Nunya business!
NY031978
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Re: How to deal with FH thats just not into the wedding
ok get a baseball bat hit him over the head a few times.....when he wakes up he will be more than happy to help!!! HAHA!!!
trust me you arent the only 1....my Fi is the same way! it really is annoyin!
miss nee
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Re: How to deal with FH thats just not into the wedding
well at least u know u r farrrrrrrrrr from alone...hey just go with your flow because it really is your show
snydl40
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Re: How to deal with FH thats just not into the wedding
I wouldn't worry about it. I would ask family and friends for help if needed. Look at it this way-you don't have to coordinate schedules to meet with vendors, and whatever you want-their is no arguing. My FH is involved in everything-I LOVE it, but it is hard, as I work M-Sat-9-6, and he works M-F 3-11:30 pm.
Mandyin2007
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Re: How to deal with FH thats just not into the wedding
My Fh thinks it is a production too. He wanted to get married in Vegas and elope. He has been very supportive in all aspects of the wedding and went to all appointments with me... but he only does it because he knows this is how I want it. He wouldn't care if we just went to city hall.
sarahradio5
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Re: How to deal with FH thats just not into the wedding
All I can say is...
with 2 months left to go, my FH is getting SLIGHTLY more into it. He doesn't like being the center of attention, unless it's just HIS friends at a BBQ or something, but these big parties make him uneasy. Whenever I get into an argument with him about this, he says 'All I care about is the church, the vows, the marriage and marrying you!'... which oddly puts a smile on my face because it's a romantic thing to say in the middle of an argument. lol.
I think he just realized more and more that the more he showed his dissatisfaction, the less joy there was in it for me, so he made a change for my benefit and is showing more interest. He helped me with the invitations, gives me back rubs when I looked stressed, tries to offer opinions, wants to go with me more places now, etc. I think you may see it improve as the day gets closer... I did!
Good luck! I know it's tough when you see other couples in it 'together' a lot more... some guys just aren't like that. They feel they're too 'macho' for wedding planning or something. Who knows? Not too macho for the bachelor party, though, right? lol
