How to deal with unwanted members of a BP?

mrsh2b Posted: Jun 07, 2006 09:57 AM

How to deal with unwanted members of a BP?

I am on fire right now I'm so mad at FH. FH's family is huge and a few of his uncles are close to our age. He wants them in his BP. Fine. He got really drunk at a party the other day and asked his other uncle who I can NOT stand to be in the BP. First of all, this uncle is somewhere around 50. Second of all, he is complete white trash and a total dirtbag. He is also a liar and a thief. I'm not kidding when I tell you his girlfriend is the town tramp. I hardly want them at my wedding, nevermind in my BP. The kicker of it all is that FH doesn't even LIKE him but feels obligated to have him in there for political reasons b/c of his other uncles.

I am so mad right now. His family gives me never ending grief. They all drink too much and get emotional, sometimes violent. So I have to worry about that on my wedding day too. FH thinks I'm overreacting and should just relax. However, I've been to a number of parties that were ruined b/c of them so I'm not overreacting. I just feel he should be honoring my wishes with this BP thing and forget about having his uncle in there since I have to tolerate the rest of the nonsense that goes on. I'm so f - ing tired of making sacrifices for him for his family. I'm sorry I'm venting, I'm just so upset right now.

Has anyone else had to deal with this type of thing and if so, what did you do? Help me please!

Tina120206 Posted: Jun 07, 2006 10:45 AM

Re: How to deal with unwanted members of a BP?

Sorry about that crap. I have similar crap. FH wanted me to ask his sister. I did, we really didn't get along, but I figured it was the right thing to do and maybe we would get closer. We had a huge blowout and basically it is WAR right now. So, I never kicked her out, she never backed out, I just kept making my plans and leaving her out. FH hasn't said one word about it. I told the florist how many bridesmaids and didn't count her, and when doing limos and stuff like that, didn't count her. He never said anything, so I'm going on without her. I'm not going to say anything. Hopefully his uncle doesn't remember if he was drunk. You can always hope.

mrsh2b Posted: Jun 07, 2006 10:48 AM

Re: How to deal with unwanted members of a BP?

God, your situation stinks too! Thanks for commiserating with me! Does your FH stick up for his sister? FH sticks up for everyone but me and it makes me sooo mad!!!! Oh, and it wasn't his uncle that was drunk...FH was drunk. His uncle will definitley remember. Now I'll have to be the b!tch on wheels when I lay down the law!

Tina120206 Posted: Jun 07, 2006 11:29 AM

Re: How to deal with unwanted members of a BP?

Posted by mrsh2b

God, your situation stinks too! Thanks for commiserating with me! Does your FH stick up for his sister? FH sticks up for everyone but me and it makes me sooo mad!!!! Oh, and it wasn't his uncle that was drunk...FH was drunk. His uncle will definitley remember. Now I'll have to be the b!tch on wheels when I lay down the law!

the thing that gets me is he and his sister WERE NEVER CLOSE...EVER! Now all of a sudden, 'it's my sister, blah, blah' ...uh hello you haven't spoken to her in years, but now all of a sudden you guys are best friends. I'm not buying it. He knows it too. I tell you many a fights over this, he is starting to see things my way, slowly, I'm working on it. She did some really bad stuff to me at MY ENGAGEMENT Party that I will never forgive her for. But, he wants me to let it go. I won't. It was my party and she ruined it for me and by being a bridesmaid and doing and saying the things she did was uncalled for. She is having a graduation party next week. I refuse to go. I don't think FH should go either, but he is. I may keep him up the night before so he sleeps right through it.

Mandyin2007 Posted: Jun 07, 2006 12:09 PM

Re: How to deal with unwanted members of a BP?

Sorry about your FH inviting his Uncle to be in your wedding party. He should have asked you first and it should have been a joint decission. Try to understand where your husband is coming from. Maybe they were really close.

Tell your husband if his uncle is in the wedding party it is imperitiave that he fulfill all the duties he has to if not he is out!!

Shellycakes123 Posted: Jun 07, 2006 12:12 PM

Re: How to deal with unwanted members of a BP?

i dont like to put too much personal info on here but i am in the same situation.

mrsh2b Posted: Jun 07, 2006 12:19 PM

Re: How to deal with unwanted members of a BP?

I'm so glad I'm not the only one! Thank you ladies! And as for duties...I'd rather he didn't even show up. I'm not having my e-party at my parents house b/c I don't want the uncle and his gf there b/c I'm afraid they'll steal from my parents. Isn't that totally ridiculous that I have to worry about that?! They are disgusting people.

R&J0806 Posted: Jun 07, 2006 01:05 PM

Re: How to deal with unwanted members of a BP?

i can certainly understand how you feel but i really don't think there is anything you can do, even if FH hadn't asked yet. IMO, the groom should have 100% say in who he asks, just like you should have 100% say in who you ask.

But...BP issues are always strange (again, IMO.) My FFIL was insulted at first b/c FH didn't ask him to be best man. Now I ask you....what would FFIL have done? Walk down with his son and then turn around for the MOH?

PrincessRose Posted: Jun 07, 2006 01:12 PM

Re: How to deal with unwanted members of a BP?

Unfortunately, it's 100% your FH's decision who is in his BP. HOWEVER, I do take issue with the fact that he's not sticking up for you. That needs to change. If you are going to be his wife, you have to come first and that's that.