So I'm a little miffed! My dad's family can be pretty rude and my anticipation of their rudeness is irritating me. So here's the scenario. At my brother's wedding (which was an adults only affair like mine) one of my cousins brought his 2 children with him (SO RUDE!) So now my wedding is coming up. For starters, 99% of them live in FL and none of my cousins invited me to their weddings. Secondly, I'm not close with them and my FH & I want to keep our wedding small, intimate and sophisticated so we're only inviting my dad's brother's and sisters (none of their adult children who are my cousins). FYI - my parents are divorced and have been separated since I was 2. When my mom called one of my aunts to get the other sibling's addresses at the end of the conversation my aunt said to my mom 'that's all you need?' - implying 'what about her cousins?' My just said 'YUP, that's IT!' SOO now here's my dilemma. 1. I wouldn't put it past them to bring ppl who aren't invited, or bring kids so how do I handle this? I wouldn't put it past them to RSVP with only one date and show up with their kids and grandkids.
My mom and I discussed it and here's what we're thinking. 1. Putting 'Adults Only' on the invitation. 2. After they RSVP call them up and reconfirm that ONLY them (aunt & uncle) will be showing up to the affair and stating to them that it's a SEATED affair so the numbers must be EXACT. 3. Hiring a wedding planner for the day of to check names at the door and if you're not on the list, YOU DON'T COME IN.
The last one is one I want to do, but my mom and I aren't sure. My mom doesn't want their to be family drama, but I'm angry that they're so crass and pushy. Not to mention that these are people who have had nothing to do with my life to begin with. Part of me is peeved that this is even an issue. I mean w*t*f people? Who shows up to an affair that you're not invited to? So infuriating!!
What would you ladies do?
KerriJohnS
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Re: How to handle rude relatives!!??
Without reading your post and jsut reading your Q... my answer is Smack em around and if that doesn't work then poison their food! Ha ha ha!
Ok now I'm going to go read your post!
pandafish519
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Re: How to handle rude relatives!!??
i think the best thing to do write:
Please join us for an adult reception.
and maybe you could fill in their RSVP #. that's what some people are doing to make sure that people know how many ppl are invited.
GL!!!
Nitania13
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Re: How to handle rude relatives!!??
Posted by KerriJohnS
Without reading your post and jsut reading your Q... my answer is Smack em around and if that doesn't work then poison their food! Ha ha ha!
Ok now I'm going to go read your post!
Tempting....VEEEERRRRYYYY Tempting!!!
momof2
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Re: How to handle rude relatives!!??
I'm assuming some of your cousins are adults - so putting Adult --- may not work. I would ask your reception hall how they handle uninvited guests. They can't just sit at a table that other people are assigned to.
KerriJohnS
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Re: How to handle rude relatives!!??
I don't think you should do that last one. It's awful to turn family members away at the door.. IMHO. That's crossing a line and you look rude with that one.
I would write Adult reception to follow on the invite. They should understand being that they didn't invite all the cousins to their weddings either.
littlepixie12
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Re: How to handle rude relatives!!??
okay, well first you should write 'adult reception to follow' on the invite... so that means no kids and then I would have the number of people filled in already on the RSVP .. like
Mr and Mrs.
_____ attending _____can not attend 2 seats reserved
something like that
nraboni
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Re: How to handle rude relatives!!??
Posted by littlepixie12
okay, well first you should write 'adult reception to follow' on the invite... so that means no kids and then I would have the number of people filled in already on the RSVP .. like
Mr and Mrs.
_____ attending _____can not attend 2 seats reserved
something like that
I agree! I actually brought up this topic yesterday in regards to babies/children.
When you send the invite out you write in how many seats the invitation allows for at the wedding.
This way hopefully everyone gets the picture that they can only bing the number of people you have alotted for.
Nitania13
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Re: How to handle rude relatives!!??
Posted by momof2
I'm assuming some of your cousins are adults - so putting Adult --- may not work. I would ask your reception hall how they handle uninvited guests. They can't just sit at a table that other people are assigned to.
Yes, my cousins are all adults. It's my cousins who have children. Now I don't mind if an aunt or uncle brings a cousin as their date. I'm fine with that. What I'm worried about is that they'll bring a cousin as their date and THAT cousin will bring their kids b/c they're up here and don't have a baby sitter. Maybe I should hire a sitter for the hotel? I don't want to be rude, but at the same time I don't want additional people or kids to just show up, you know?
KerriJohnS
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Re: How to handle rude relatives!!??
If they are adults then the adult on the invite wont work.
What if you do this on the RSVP card Check One: ___ I will be attending ___ I will be attending with 1 guest ___ I can not attend
KerriJohnS
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Re: How to handle rude relatives!!??
Posted by Nitania13
Posted by momof2
I'm assuming some of your cousins are adults - so putting Adult --- may not work. I would ask your reception hall how they handle uninvited guests. They can't just sit at a table that other people are assigned to.
Yes, my cousins are all adults. It's my cousins who have children. Now I don't mind if an aunt or uncle brings a cousin as their date. I'm fine with that. What I'm worried about is that they'll bring a cousin as their date and THAT cousin will bring their kids b/c they're up here and don't have a baby sitter. Maybe I should hire a sitter for the hotel? I don't want to be rude, but at the same time I don't want additional people or kids to just show up, you know?
I think hiring a babysitter for the hotel would be an excellent solution! You could even include that on the OOT invites.
coldasice217
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Re: How to handle rude relatives!!??
I would do a personalized response card. That's what I'm doing.
Mr & Mrs. X, 2 seats have been reserved for you at our ceremony and wedding.
Yes, ___ of us will attend. No, we are unable to attend.
Of course, I wouldn't be surprised if some people write in 4 of us will attend, regardless of how many seats are reserved
KerriJohnS
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Re: How to handle rude relatives!!??
Posted by coldasice217
I would do a personalized response card. That's what I'm doing.
Mr & Mrs. X, 2 seats have been reserved for you at our ceremony and wedding.
Yes, ___ of us will attend. No, we are unable to attend.
Of course, I wouldn't be surprised if some people write in 4 of us will attend, regardless of how many seats are reserved
I think becuase automatically people won't read the heading part where you wrote... Mr & Mr's X, 2 seats have been reserved for you .. blah blah blah.
I'll be honest Ali, I am a skim reader... when it comes to invites and emails and such I rarely read each and every word. I read it fast. And even when I first read your post I ignored that sentence. People just assume they know what it says already. The 2 seats reserved for you doesn't stand out. This is just my opinion and that's how I read some things.
That's the exact reason I'm doing it how I suggested a few posts up.
You can still leave the sentence you used but with that check list... they will DEF notice the it in the options on the checklist.
nraboni
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Re: How to handle rude relatives!!??
You could also phrase it like this:
__ will attend __ will not attend __ number attending
__ seats have been reserved in your honor
AND include 'Adult Only Reception'
MLAngelo
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Re: How to handle rude relatives!!??
Posted by Nitania13
Posted by momof2
I'm assuming some of your cousins are adults - so putting Adult --- may not work. I would ask your reception hall how they handle uninvited guests. They can't just sit at a table that other people are assigned to.
Yes, my cousins are all adults. It's my cousins who have children. Now I don't mind if an aunt or uncle brings a cousin as their date. I'm fine with that. What I'm worried about is that they'll bring a cousin as their date and THAT cousin will bring their kids b/c they're up here and don't have a baby sitter. Maybe I should hire a sitter for the hotel? I don't want to be rude, but at the same time I don't want additional people or kids to just show up, you know?
We are hiring a sitter for the hotel. We put in our OOT bags and on our website that we have the sitter. We are also putting together OOT bags specifically for the babysitter to give to the kids with fun things for them to do.
Just in case you could also hire a babysitter for the reception hall and if someone does bring kids have them in the bridal suite.
Deb-Rob
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Re: How to handle rude relatives!!??
On my RSVP cards I made sure that they said Adult Reception... Its right at the top of the card...first thing you read, cannot miss it...
NikkiR515
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Re: How to handle rude relatives!!??
Posted by coldasice217
I would do a personalized response card. That's what I'm doing.
Mr & Mrs. X, 2 seats have been reserved for you at our ceremony and wedding.
Yes, ___ of us will attend. No, we are unable to attend.
Of course, I wouldn't be surprised if some people write in 4 of us will attend, regardless of how many seats are reserved
I think this is probably the most diplomatic way to handle it.. I think it is also okay to call them and ask in a round about way but I probably wouldn't turn people away at the door...As rude as family can be I don't think I could do that to people, especially if they came all the way form a different state but that's JHMO.
