How to word it...

So, many of you don't know me and I'm either on this thing all day or never in a day and only discovered this chat 2 weeks ago. But I've come to realize this place is great and reading everything has helped me become a lot more confident in planning.

ANYWAYS, ENOUGH OF THE SAPPYNESS...

My parents had told me that they want to help us financially. Problem is, they are in some money trouble, and I pretty much know my FH and I are doing this ourselves, which is a struggle, I've had to sell sex toys through passion parties on the side...seriously...to make some extra dough.

Because I do not know if this is happening and I need to start looking into invites now, how do I word my invite? I cannot put my parents name as if they are 'requesting your presense', because technically they are not hosting, or at LEAST, I don't know. - ACCORDING TO THE FMIL

My parents are kinda crazy too, they get easily offended and I don't understand it, since they didn't give me a set amount on what they are giving us. I can so see my mother getting angry with my FMIL if she ever heard that was said to me, and I do not want the drama.

***the reason I am asking is because the FMIL is insisting I am wrong to do it if my parents don't pay. My parents are helping in the little ways; coming to appointments, picking out things, helping me create things, etc.

Money is not an issue at all for us and I certainly don't mind working the extra hours. I just want to prove to my FMIL she's out of line to say that to me and make me feel like I should turn against my parents.


Help please and thank you.

What about

'together with their families'

Your name
&
FH name

request the honor of your presence

ETA: or together with their parents

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Posted by jmgoncal

It really depends on your preference. I phrased my invite as though my parents are hosting b/c I prefer the traditional wording, even though FH and I are paying for 85% of the wedding ourselves. You should do what makes you feel comfortable.

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yea, thats what i thought, but my FMIL is insisting I shouldn't do that because its wrong.

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Posted by GiannisWifey

What about

'together with their families'

Your name
&
FH name

request the honor of your presence

or together with their parents

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I agree with this!!

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Posted by stressfree111

I'm not trying to be rude or anything and don't take me the wrong way. But you make it seem like your wedding is about money and if your parents pay they get their names on the invite and if they don't pay they won't...i just don't get that part. I think as a respect to your parents regardless if they are paying or not they should be included on your invites. Its about two families becoming one not how much they payed for it. Just my opinion....not trying to cause any issues.

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i failed to mention that I personally would like my parents names on the invites, its the FMIL that told me I 'not to do that'.

that's what I'm upset about it and I fight about it with FH every night, because either way, who ever pays for it, the wedding is going to happen, ya know? I don't think you're being rude because I left out why I'm confused lol. Sorry.

Perhaps saying..

'together with their parents...'

Or don't mention anyone hosting. That's what I'm doing. I'm wording it..

You are formally invited to attended the wedding of
me
daughter of my parents

to
FH
son of his parents

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Posted by AdriandSteve

Perhaps saying..

'together with their parents...'

Or don't mention anyone hosting. That's what I'm doing. I'm wording it..

You are formally invited to attended the wedding of
me
daughter of my parents

to
FH
son of his parents

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I like yours. But I am also thinking to eff what the FMIL says and not sit around tearing my brains out about who I am offending. Especially if my mother were to find out, omg, forget it. I'd be upset if my daughter's FMIL said that about me.

Ok first of all, tell your FMIL that this is your invitation (and your FH) and you are going to put what you feel comfortable putting, whatever that may be. Why does she have a say in what goes on the invitation??

Only thing that was ever said to me was to not put the dark brown pocketfold because it looked like a funeral invitation (don't know who gets invited to a funeral via invite but okay)....... what I wrote and what is written on the invite is for me and FH to decide.

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Posted by GiannisWifey

Ok first of all, tell your FMIL that this is your invitation (and your FH) and you are going to put what you feel comfortable putting, whatever that may be. Why does she have a say in what goes on the invitation??

Only thing that was ever said to me was to not put the dark brown pocketfold because it looked like a funeral invitation (don't know who gets invited to a funeral via invite but okay)....... what I wrote and what is written on the invite is for me and FH to decide.

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yea my FMIL doesn't have daughters. my mother doesn't have son's but she's not hanging over my FH's shoulders ya know.

I don't have much of a back bone.

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Posted by jhines4684

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Posted by stressfree111

I'm not trying to be rude or anything and don't take me the wrong way. But you make it seem like your wedding is about money and if your parents pay they get their names on the invite and if they don't pay they won't...i just don't get that part. I think as a respect to your parents regardless if they are paying or not they should be included on your invites. Its about two families becoming one not how much they payed for it. Just my opinion....not trying to cause any issues.

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i failed to mention that I personally would like my parents names on the invites, its the FMIL that told me I 'not to do that'.

that's what I'm upset about it and I fight about it with FH every night, because either way, who ever pays for it, the wedding is going to happen, ya know? I don't think you're being rude because I left out why I'm confused lol. Sorry.

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The reason why i feel so stong about this i was in the same situation. Our parents were going to help out but than after booking the hall one side changed their mind...long story short we are paying for everything. I realized after this whole experience that its us that wants to get married and i feel the need to respect them as my parents regardless if they are paying for it or not.

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Posted by stressfree111

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Posted by jhines4684

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Posted by stressfree111

I'm not trying to be rude or anything and don't take me the wrong way. But you make it seem like your wedding is about money and if your parents pay they get their names on the invite and if they don't pay they won't...i just don't get that part. I think as a respect to your parents regardless if they are paying or not they should be included on your invites. Its about two families becoming one not how much they payed for it. Just my opinion....not trying to cause any issues.

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i failed to mention that I personally would like my parents names on the invites, its the FMIL that told me I 'not to do that'.

that's what I'm upset about it and I fight about it with FH every night, because either way, who ever pays for it, the wedding is going to happen, ya know? I don't think you're being rude because I left out why I'm confused lol. Sorry.

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The reason why i feel so stong about this i was in the same situation. Our parents were going to help out but than after booking the hall one side changed their mind...long story short we are paying for everything. I realized after this whole experience that its us that wants to get married and i feel the need to respect them as my parents regardless if they are paying for it or not.

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Exactly. I mean, my mother and my father help me look for things, and my mother is throwing me shower. She came with me to 7 stores for hours watching me try on dresses, came with me to venues and vendors, so I mean she's doing something - I can see if my parents didn't care about me.

I don't understand where my FMIL is right in what she says.

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Posted by jhines4684

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Posted by GiannisWifey

Ok first of all, tell your FMIL that this is your invitation (and your FH) and you are going to put what you feel comfortable putting, whatever that may be. Why does she have a say in what goes on the invitation??

Only thing that was ever said to me was to not put the dark brown pocketfold because it looked like a funeral invitation (don't know who gets invited to a funeral via invite but okay)....... what I wrote and what is written on the invite is for me and FH to decide.

---

yea my FMIL doesn't have daughters. my mother doesn't have son's but she's not hanging over my FH's shoulders ya know.

I don't have much of a back bone.

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In the end, if you don't care that much then do what your mom prefers. That way when another issue comes up that you feel strongly about you can say you did what she wanted for the invites, now your doing what you want for something else.

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Posted by AdriandSteve

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Posted by jhines4684

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Posted by GiannisWifey

Ok first of all, tell your FMIL that this is your invitation (and your FH) and you are going to put what you feel comfortable putting, whatever that may be. Why does she have a say in what goes on the invitation??

Only thing that was ever said to me was to not put the dark brown pocketfold because it looked like a funeral invitation (don't know who gets invited to a funeral via invite but okay)....... what I wrote and what is written on the invite is for me and FH to decide.

---

yea my FMIL doesn't have daughters. my mother doesn't have son's but she's not hanging over my FH's shoulders ya know.

I don't have much of a back bone.

---

In the end, if you don't care that much then do what your mom prefers. That way when another issue comes up that you feel strongly about you can say you did what she wanted for the invites, now your doing what you want for something else.

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I've already compromised myself enough with the opinions given to me by FMIL....the only reason, is the FH was more reasonable and explained why I should do it and I was able to see reason when his mom wasn't around. If his mother was better at explaining things without sounding like this was 'her thing', I wouldn't feel this way. This is entire another topic. LOL.

If she would have said 'For traditional purposes, so you are aware, if you're parents aren't paying, there names usually aren't mentioned first'. Or something along those lines, not like 'oh no, you better not put there names first if they don't pay'.....which is EXACTLY word for word what she said. it just didn't rub me the right away you know? and I usually don't care what anyone says. His mom just has a way with words.

oh, and my mom hasn't spoken to me about invites and the way they're worded, I'm just bracing myself for that when i sit down with my mom to do them.

you all have been a big help, thank you.