How would you handle someone who tries to get you to convert your religion...

We had 2 best men. One sat up with us at the altar (and was really a 'true' best man)

The other did the toast, but not much else. He is Lutheran and was extremely offended that he could not sit with us on the altar during our Catholic mass. He even wanted to WRITE A LETTER of complaint to our officiant...who happens to be a member of my family! At that point, I told him that my mother would probably have a heart attack because our officiant was her cousin, who is a Catholic Bishop...

So, once the wedding was over, we thought he was done with this...

But, he was at our Halloween party and started in again about the religious thing and basically said that his religion is more accurate, etc, etc, etc...

Any thoughts on how I can tell him to quit it with this?

Re: How would you handle someone who tries to get you to convert your religion...

I don't understand why he couldn't sit with you on the altar?

Re: How would you handle someone who tries to get you to convert your religion...

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Posted by eogara

I don't understand why he couldn't sit with you on the altar?

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Pretty much because it was a VERY small altar and even having one best man and my matron of honor was a crunch. So, my officiant suggested that since these two were the only honor attendants who were Catholic, it would be easiest to keep it to them only on the altar.

The rest of the bridal party members sat in the front pews.

Also, this best man was peeved because he was taught a long time ago that because the host is symbolically different between the Catholic and Lutheran faiths, that he could not partake in Catholic host.

My whole concern is, why does he have to choose to take this battle up with MY officiant (who happens to be MY family member?)

Re: How would you handle someone who tries to get you to convert your religion...

That would totally annoy me, it's one thing if he's trying to have you convert if you aren't active in your religion, but obviously you are!
Be upfront with him and tell him you have great pride in your faith and you don't intend on converting!

Re: How would you handle someone who tries to get you to convert your religion...

Hmmm. Not sure about the religious stuff but to be honest, if I was asked to be a co-MOH and only the other MOH was in an actual place of 'honor', I'd be pretty peeved too. JMHO.

Re: How would you handle someone who tries to get you to convert your religion...

He should not be upset about not being at the altar if the rest of your party couldn't be there either. That's just petty. If it was his decision not to participate in the mass because of his belief differences that was his choice and should not complain to anyone, especially your priest. JMO.

Re: How would you handle someone who tries to get you to convert your religion...

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Posted by eogara

Hmmm. Not sure about the religious stuff but to be honest, if I was asked to be a co-MOH and only the other MOH was in an actual place of 'honor', I'd be pretty peeved too. JMHO.

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Well, basically what happened is that he was asked to be the best man. In the interim, he was pretty much completely uninvolved and whenever DH asked him to do anything at all, he would respond back with statements such as 'decorating your car is low class, so I'm not going to do that'

Then, one of the original groomsmen moved back to NJ (from CA) and my DH and him were able to spend much more time with each other. This groomsmen was much more supportive and helpful throughout the process.

So, DH had a heart to heart with the original best man. He actually suggested that since the whole wedding planning thing was mostly a burden, we would also get this groomsmen involved as a best man, and that original best man may be more comfortable as a groomsman yada, yada, yada (is was a much more involved conversation than that)

Original best man INSISTED that he still be able to do the toast (really, that's the only thing that he did do...except argue with us about wanting to wear his own tux and shoes to the wedding, etc. etc.)

So, DH said that since he was still going to do the toast, we were going to have the new best man sit with us on the altar and sign the marriage certificate, also because the officiant suggested that we have the honor attendantts who were Catholic sit with us because of the space constraints...

Re: How would you handle someone who tries to get you to convert your religion...

Well, here's how I handle people like that....I tell them how right they are and that they've changed my mind about it all, then I drop it and refuse to address the subject with them again. The reason being: there's no reasoning with people like this. He's obviously just looking to pick a fight and is probably aggravated over something that has nothing to do with religion, and since he is not man enough to come out and say it, then that is his problem. Yes him to death until he shuts up. That's my personal way of handling no win situations with argumentative people. They get really pissed off at it, too because they are looking to engage you in a fight, but you're refusing to.

Re: How would you handle someone who tries to get you to convert your religion...

I tel them to mind their own business. Religion is a personal belief...usually something you are brought up with, so unless you are ready and willing to change yourself no one should ever broach the topic with you...or complain about how you or your officiant arranges your wedding day ceremony!

Re: How would you handle someone who tries to get you to convert your religion...

Oh no Suven! I'm so sorry....it sounds like my Grandmother inhabited the body of the Best Man!

Seriously, she's a nut and at EVERY religious service she goes to that's not her faith (Russian Orthodox) she lectures the officiant that his religion is not a 'true' religion! WHAT? Both of her sons haven't practiced R.O for over 30 years, neither of their families are R.O and still....the lectures NEVER END. It is insulting and embarrassing and I'm sorry it happend to you as well.

We usually just tell her to shut up, but that may not work with the best man. While I don't have the best advice, at least you know you're not alone!