A while ago FH and I were talking about him possibly wearing his dress uniform (police) for the wedding instead of a tux. FH was very excited about it (it is something he has really worked hard for and is very proud of). A few days ago we went out to dinner w/ FBIL and his girlfriend and FH mentioned that he was considering this idea. They jumped down his throat and FBIL said that if FH does not wear a suit then he is refusing to! FBIL said that it would not be formal and he is too preoccupied with becoming a police officer. FH just looked at him stunned and I just wanted to yell, but didn't. I wanted to say that this is our wedding and you will wear whatever we tell you to even if FH comes wearing sweatpants! But, of course I didn't say that. FBIL was really talking down to FH and it was really upsetting to the both of us. I think the issue is a little deaper than wedding garb, but how would you reacted? I am not mad, just bothered by the lack of respect and wondering if this is a signal of trouble ahead. What do you all think?
MuchInLuvMichi
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Re: How would you react?
its YOUR wedding, ur FH can wear whatever makes him happy and ur FBIL shoudl shut his trap, Im blunt but come on now its UR wedding!!!! u need to b happy
sarahthegreat
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Re: How would you react?
i agree with you. if my fh wanted to wear his lirr uniform, i would be okay with it. its not as classy as the police officers uniform, but it's something he's worked hard for and why shouldn't he show it off. why do people concern themselves with such matters? its not up to you fbil to decide who wears what.
Wintersbride
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The uniform is on this web site, if anyone wants to see. Where it says 'Join NYPD' on the top left. http://www.nyc.gov/html/nypd/
NYtherapist
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Re: How would you react?
My response is two-fold. I'll begin by saying that it is your wedding. If your fiance chooses to wear a clown suit, then that's the way it is. Others should certainly not be demanding that your fiance wear a tuxedo.
That said, I'm going to take another side here. My assumption is that your fiance is either in the academy or recently graduated. His desire to wear his dress uniform is what leads me to this assumption. For the most part, police officers do not wear their dress uniforms for their weddings. Of course there are those who do/have; however, it's really not that common.
Ultimately, if the uniform is something both you and your fiance agree is something you'd like, don't let others dictate.
amy&anthony
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Re: How would you react?
I wanted FH to wear his firemans uniform, but he wont..said it reminds him of all the funerals. Id be upset with FBIL!
JenNeen
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your FH has a lot to be proud of and he should wear what he wants. never mind what others think - it's your day!
Wintersbride
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Posted by NYtherapist
My response is two-fold. I'll begin by saying that it is your wedding. If your fiance chooses to wear a clown suit, then that's the way it is. Others should certainly not be demanding that your fiance wear a tuxedo.
That said, I'm going to take another side here. My assumption is that your fiance is either in the academy or recently graduated. His desire to wear his dress uniform is what leads me to this assumption. For the most part, police officers do not wear their dress uniforms for their weddings. Of course there are those who do/have; however, it's really not that common.
Ultimately, if the uniform is something both you and your fiance agree is something you'd like, don't let others dictate.
It's just an idea that we are playing around with, but with the way they were talking to him it's like we were saying we were going to sacrifice kittens at our wedding.
Wintersbride
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Re: How would you react?
Posted by JenNeen
your FH has a lot to be proud of and he should wear what he wants. never mind what others think - it's your day!
And I think that's what really bothers me. I left this out, but they said by the time our wedding rolls around he will be ASHAMED of it anyway.
exotica776
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Re: How would you react?
i think your FH would be very honored to wear his dress uniform for the wedding, and that is all that matters. He worked very hard to be where he is and he is proud of that! my father (retired NYPD officer as well as a marine vietnam vet) was considering wearing his marines dress uniform to walk me down the isle in, I thought it was a great idea. these men are hero's and the uniform they wear signifies that. JMHO
Wintersbride
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Posted by exotica776
i think your FH would be very honored to wear his dress uniform for the wedding, and that is all that matters. He worked very hard to be where he is and he is proud of that! my father (retired NYPD officer as well as a marine vietnam vet) was considering wearing his marines dress uniform to walk me down the isle in, I thought it was a great idea. these men are hero's and the uniform they wear signifies that. JMHO
I agree. These men risk their lives for very little in return.
NYtherapist
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Re: How would you react?
Posted by FutureMrsH
Posted by JenNeen
your FH has a lot to be proud of and he should wear what he wants. never mind what others think - it's your day!
And I think that's what really bothers me. I left this out, but they said by the time our wedding rolls around he will be ASHAMED of it anyway.
I'm sorry if what I posted came across as though I was agreeing with your FBIL. I'm not agreeing with him at all because, simply put, it's not his place to make such incredibly insensitive and rude comments to either of you.
Telling you that he'd refuse to wear a tuxedo if your fiance doesn't wear one is completely out of line. Again, it's your wedding and the two of you are the ones who decide attire.
Wintersbride
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Posted by NYtherapist
Posted by FutureMrsH
Posted by JenNeen
your FH has a lot to be proud of and he should wear what he wants. never mind what others think - it's your day!
And I think that's what really bothers me. I left this out, but they said by the time our wedding rolls around he will be ASHAMED of it anyway.
I'm sorry if what I posted came across as though I was agreeing with your FBIL. I'm not agreeing with him at all because, simply put, it's not his place to make such incredibly insensitive and rude comments to either of you.
Telling you that he'd refuse to wear a tuxedo if your fiance doesn't wear one is completely out of line. Again, it's your wedding and the two of you are the ones who decide attire.
Don't feel that way...I did not interpret it that way!
Mrs.Ptobe
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Re: How would you react?
I also heard once that you cannot force your bridal party to wear anything or do anything that you are not paying for. You can only request and hope they go along with it b/c hopefully the people you are selecting to participate care enough to help make your day special. I'm not sure why FBIL has such an issue with what to wear to a wedding or what his brother's wearing to his own wedding. I've never heard of a cop wearing a uniform to a wedding, but anything's possible I suppose. I'd just think most want to separate business/work from pleasure and kind of forget about the day to day on your wedding day. But honestly, whatever's clever and it's up to you guys. Family, especially in-laws, have a funny way of putting a 'damper' on things. Don't sweat it though.
Wintersbride
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Re: How would you react?
Posted by Mrs.Ptobe
I also heard once that you cannot force your bridal party to wear anything or do anything that you are not paying for. You can only request and hope they go along with it b/c hopefully the people you are selecting to participate care enough to help make your day special. I'm not sure why FBIL has such an issue with what to wear to a wedding or what his brother's wearing to his own wedding. I've never heard of a cop wearing a uniform to a wedding, but anything's possible I suppose. I'd just think most want to separate business/work from pleasure and kind of forget about the day to day on your wedding day. But honestly, whatever's clever and it's up to you guys. Family, especially in-laws, have a funny way of putting a 'damper' on things. Don't sweat it though.
I am not forcing anyone to wear anything they don't want to, but they do have to maintain the formality of the affair, as well as be appropriate...and if they don't want to maintain that no one is forcing them to be there. They are paying for their clothing but everything else is being paid for by FH and myself (flowers, makeup, etc). No one should really dictate what the bride and groom wears, and it is honestly disrespectful to make the type of demands they were. FH will make that decision later on in the game. The men get off easy...they have a little more time to decide. I am not sweating it really...it's more of the attitude then the problem itself.
Angeltptb
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Re: How would you react?
I think it is hypocritical to say it is too informal to wear a uniform and then say 'if he is not wearing a tux then I am not'. like everyone says, its your wedding. I think that you are going to come across a lot of people who are going to try to tell you what they think is the right thing to do. Just try to take it with a grain of salt and do what makes you both happy.
lishbone
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Re: How would you react?
you guys reacted the way you should have..kept your comments quiet..everyone ALWAYS seems to have something negative to say about your wedding..im sure everyone here can say they have someone up their butt about something stupid ..but you know what? in the end..you are happily married and these people arent going to write you off over something stupid...and im sure fh doesnt want to fight with his brother about this crap!! you are getting married..fbil should be NOTHING but happy!!!people drive me crazy!!! i feel for you
Moosey911
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I had to giggle when I read this post.....I have acutally had people ask ME---hello, bride here.....if I was going to wear my NYPD dress uniform for my wedding!!!
So, after reading this thread---I had to think about it for a second. Someone else mentioned that your FH must be fresh out of the academy or still in.......I suppose this could be true, BUT I have met a few guys (with time on) who just LOVE the way they feel in our dress blues.
Honestly, to me...when I bring out my blues, I'm either going to a funeral...or to a parade. But, we did have one guy who not only wore his dress blues for his wedding...but he required the rest of his bridal party (most of which were NYPD) to wear theirs also.
I don't like the idea....and this guy got his b$lls busted for quite a while....BUT, it is YOUR day and if that's what your FH decides, then the rest of your BP will just have to accept it and move on. Good luck!!!
jill13bean
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JMO... wearing a military i have seen but not a police uniform... i just don't think it is the place BUT then again it is your wedding so what ever makes you and FH happy
slwh2005
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Posted by FutureMrsH
[ I left this out, but they said by the time our wedding rolls around he will be ASHAMED of it anyway.
I think you should do whatever you & FH want to and I certainly don't think he should be ashamed of his uniform. What a weird thing to say! Is he jealous or something?
