HUMP DAY HA HA'S!!! (but wait.. there's more)
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DO NOT keep your eyes open while pouring remaining crumbs out of salt and vinegar chips bag in to your mouth. #LFMF
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(479):
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my *** earlier. This is not a joke.
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(615):
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
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(215):
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
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Today, I ran into a police officer while on my bike. It wouldn't be so bad, had he not been riding a massive horse. FML
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Today, there was an animal rummaging around in my trashcan, so I kicked the trashcan to see what it was. The fox then chased me for three blocks to find out what I was. FML
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Today, I went for a run. When I got home, no one was there so I took off my clothes and laid on the cool wood floor. I decided to call my girlfriend and we started talking in baby voices. That's when my mom walked into the house witnessing everything. FML
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Today, my boyfriend drunkenly decided to let his friends cut his hair into a mullet. He won't change it. I'm supposed to introduce him to my family. FML
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Today, I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth while my boyfriend took a shower. I hang my loofah on the shower wall when I'm not using it and until today, did not realize that it hung at about waist level. What made me notice this? Watching my boyfriend use it like a tetherball with his penis. FML
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Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. He got on the bed on all fours and proceeded to crawl towards me saying 'My precious... my precious' in Gollum's voice. FML
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Today, I asked my fiancé what he liked most about being in a relationship with me. His answer? 'I can watch your boobs without being called a perv.' FML
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the end...
for now...
