Hurt and Venting

I talked to my grandmother today to tell her that we booked our RH yesterday. She seemed happy about it, but then...

She launched into an inquisition about what I was going to wear (I'm a second-time bride). 'Are you wearing a long dress?' 'But not white, right?' 'How about a nice pink?' 'Light blue would be lovely.' Etc. etc. etc.

I talked to my mother later and found out that my grandmother had had the same basic conversation with her, as well. 'Well, she's AT LEAST not going to wear a VEIL, right??' My mother's response: 'Only if she wants to.' Thanks, Mom!!

My grandmother has been so good to us and I love her dearly, but how can she not see how insulting this is? I know she's 87 years old and it's an old-fashioned mentality, but this is the same woman who was ENCOURAGING me to have a baby BEFORE we were even ENGAGED!! (This is FH's second marriage as well, and the paperwork on his divorce was a LONG time in coming.) (And we didn't, BTW...)

My parents were wonderful enough to give me a beautiful wedding the first time around, so it's not like I was cheated, but I feel like I have the right to have THIS day be special. They gave FH and I a very generous engagement gift, but we're basically paying for this ourselves. Am I being unreasonable in wanting to FEEL like a BRIDE?? In wanting a day to celebrate the REAL love I finally found? Did I give up that right by making a mistake over a decade ago??

I'm trying not to let this overshadow my happiness that we're finally making some headway into planning our day, but it's hard when I realize my own grandmother will be sitting there rolling her eyes at me as I walk down the aisle. How do I get past that?

Of course you're not wrong for wanting to feel like a bride when you ARE a bride! You should wear whatever you want to!

Please don't take to heart your grandmother's comments. As you said, older people have a different mentality, they're from a different era, and also, older people tend to speak their mind much more freely without realizing they're hurting feelings. (Which I am sure she didn't mean to do!)
Let your grandmother's comments roll off your back, and don't hold it against her. In the coming years, you'll be glad you forgave and forgot!

Sorry you are feeling badly. Weddings are full of stress and expectations. I agree you should do as you please but I think you do need to talk this out with your grandmother, as it seems to be really bothering you. Perhaps you and your mother could talk to her.

It's funny that she is so focused on the dress. I would ask her why she is so worried about this of all things. Let her know that what she thinks is important to you but times have changed. Perhaps ask to wear something of hers on your wedding day, a piece of jewlery?

My daugher wore my veil and sewed the flower from her grandmother's wedding garter into the inside of her dress! People were charmed and she looked beautiful.

BTW

In the ancient world, purity was represented by a bride wearing blue (that's why the Virgin Mary is always in a blue dress). And Virgin meant a women who was not owned or controlled by a man, having nothing to do with a women's sexual experience. This also leads to some confusion about Mary... Just sayin...

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Posted by amandasmom


In the ancient world, purity was represented by a bride wearing blue (that's why the Virgin Mary is always in a blue dress). And Virgin meant a women who was not owned or controlled by a man, having nothing to do with a women's sexual experience. This also leads to some confusion about Mary... Just sayin...

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That's so interesting!!! Thanks for sharing!