Ok, My FMIL is making me SO unhappy. She never misses a chance to say something rude, or nasty or mean to me or about me. I wont even get into the details of what happened last night, but I will say that now I am fighting with my FH because of her! My FH always puts her in her place and takes my side, but I am so sick of her that now I am taking it out on him! I cant put up with a lifetime of her crap! What should I do ladies? I am at my wits end now! HELP! My FH says I should not let her get to me, and just ignor her...but this has been over 8 years of her comments. I cant take much more! -Christy PS-Thanks for letting me vent!
Stacey1403
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Re: I am fed up!
Christy has you FH said anthing to her privately? He should! This woman will be in your life for a long time. He needs to tell her it is not OK to speak to his future wife like that. I would have him try and stop it now because imagine what it will be like when youhave children Good Luck!
sept20yay!
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Re: I am fed up!
I had the same thing with my previous FI (I was engaged briefly before)... His mother was a nightmare!!!! We clashed on everything and she didn't feel I was good enough for her son.... She was basically married to her son to the point where I was sick.
Realize this- She is NEVER going to change, set in her ways and she will NEVER admit that she is wrong ever. Your FI needs to tell her that it is totally unacceptable- he needs to fight for you stronger (even though he is doing it now)... The only thought that might make her rethink is the thought that she might lose her precious son and maybe he won't come around a lot or talk to her as much. On the other hand, you do have to develop a little tolerance, don't say a word when she makes a statement--- count to ten mechanism or walk out of the room when things get harsh.... You have to put up with some of it, but not all of it. You are not a punching bag! We used to yes my previous FMIL.
She would say, 'you guys have no business taking a vacation- you need to save' and we would yes her but go anyway. She would ask what her son gave me for my birthday and if it was over $25, she would flip out and say, 'he needs to save. that was a stupid and thoughtless present.'. We started lying to her just to get her to shut up.
Jess2
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Re: I am fed up!
People don't change, and it is not worth fighting with your fiance over. It is HER problem, not yours. Your fiance needs to tell her what is what. The best thing to do is to let her make her comments and ignore her and do what YOU want to do, regardless.
stacey27
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Re: I am fed up!
I always say,say to her what is on your mind dont hold back.Or else she will make your life a missery after you are married.You have to work everyday with your marrage ,why waste your time hurting your relationship for her.But i also feel you FH should also be there when you talk to her since he backs you up all the time.She seems jealous of you because you are taking her son away from her.Maybe i am wrong but this is the feeling i am getting.Hope i could help you out and GOOD LUCK to you
vamdep
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Re: I am fed up!
I think I would call her on it - when she makes a rude comments I would act shocked and say something like 'wow, that was insensitive' or 'oh - I don't know how to respond to something so hurtful'
Make her aware that you know what she is doing but act shocked that someone could be so mean
Good luck!!!! This isn't an easy one!!!!
wacky
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Re: I am fed up!
Im sorry but he needs, to say something to her privatley. I had the same situation woth my FMIL, all she does is complain and likes to throw her llittle digs. Well I told my FH that they can be afraid of her but I will not tolerate her comments. He has said his peace to his mom, but I hated running back to him for everything so. I forwarned him and put her in her place. She didnt say a word and she keeps her comments about us to herself.
So speak up.
KimmieG
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Member since
Re: I am fed up!
I am in the same situation, and i can see where you are coming from. My FI has spoken to her about it a few times, and nothing has changed. We have both learned, well still trying to learn that this is OUR relationship and OUR life. We are starting our OWN family, and if she cannot accept us both together, then she isnt welcome in our family. She says her little comments all the time, and we just dont say anything. There isnt any use in getting upset and repeating to her how it bothers us. To us, its letting her win. This is suppose to be oe of the most happy time in your life. You are going to marry the man you love and dont let anyone make it miserable. The only person it is hurting is yourself and your fiance. I realized that my FMIL isnt at home getting upset over me, so im not going to do the ssame. I know it reaally stinks, people like that dont change, in my experience. I do think maybe if your fi talked to her in private and let her know where you both standwould be a good idea, then try to ignore it for now. I was at a point where i was taking it out on my FI and it caused all sorts of problems, until i realized there isnt anything i can do. She seems to be getting better now that she sees me NOT getting upset at her comments. Im sorry for babbling, lol, i hope it helps , lol
