I am having second thoughts! Help!

I am having second thoughts! Help!

I am sure everyone here may have had similar feelings, so I wanted to write for advice.

I am starting to feel a lot of anxiety about planning this wedding, to the point where I am second guessing if we should just save tons of money/time and either elope or have a destination wedding.

We are lucky enough to have our parents helping out with some of the costs- BUT we are still going to have to come up with considerable amounts of money (which I am sure a lot of you can relate to- or have been there). So, what I am thinking is: Would it be less stressful and better for my pocket to just get up and go somewhere? With the money we would save with a destination wedding, we would be able to help pay for some of our guests to get there, as well as have a nice deposite for a house.

As of now, we have only secured one vendor, which would just be some money lost.

So, I guess I am just wondering everyone's thoughts about this- Did anyone ever look into having a destination wedding?

I guess I am just getting VERY overwhelmed with all the details of planning this wedding, along with the expenses, and I don't think this wedding planning is going to be good for my health! (I have lupus).

Or- I guess I could just hire a wedding planner- but that would just be another additional expense! UGH!

I am sorry about venting/ranting, I just want to feel like my happy self again and not liwedding OBSESSED!

Any thoughts would be appreciated!

Re: I am having second thoughts! Help!

Honestly, I'd say if your feeling this way now, it's not going to get any better. If I knew what I know now, I'd hop on a plane, and do a destination wedding with closest friends and family. I know I probobly didn't make you feel any better, but it is very stressful. Good luck with whatever you decide

Re: I am having second thoughts! Help!

I totally understand what you are saying. It doesn't help that my FI is always saying that we should just go to Vegas and elope. His mom is always asking what we have gotten done and telling us that we should be booking everything under the sun. It is very stressful, but once you start booking the other things and putting down in paper exactly what you want the wedding to be like it may be easier...but what do I know I have only booked the hall and Church so far. I LOVE to look through wedding mag's and find all of the perfect things that I want for my wedding so hopefully the good will outweigh the bad when I really get into the swing of things. What is it that you are find so stressful right now? Do you think you are just having a bad week? What stresses me out is when I feel like people are on my back to get things done. Hope you feel better soon and the planning doesn't stay this overwhelming. Good Luck .

Re: I am having second thoughts! Help!

Re: I am having second thoughts! Help!

Re: I am having second thoughts! Help!

We definatley considered a destination wedding b/c of the stress and $$$ of planning a big wedding here. we finally decided against it for a few reasons. The first was that I was worried I would look back one day and regret that we did not do the traditional wedding thing. I also knew that many of my family and friends would not be able to be there with us. I think that my family would be hurt if we planned a wedding knowing that they would not be able to attend. I dont know it that helps or if it makes sense.

Re: I am having second thoughts! Help!

Re: I am having second thoughts! Help!

hi,

i looked into having a destination wedding extensively. actually, that was our plan before we decided to have our wedding locally. we liked the idea of having something low-key and casual for just our closest family and friends. then we started running into some issues...

first of all, there was the money issue. since we're both in med school and most of our friends are also students, they weren't going to be able to afford to attend the wedding. and then the cost started to become an issue for some family members as well, especially those with kids. so although many people were excited to come, we were also starting to hear some gripes. and we started feeling really GUILTY for making people spend that much money to come to our wedding. yes, it's a vacation for them, but there is still a guilt factor. there were so many people that really wanted to share our day with us, and that we truly wanted there, but who just couldn't afford a luxury vacation in nevis.

then people also started COMPLAINING about the dates we were choosing - my brother and sister's children and fh's brother had different days off from school, etc. choosing a suitable time became the biggest headache!! and while we were tempted to say $crew everyone, we realized that we did care if those close to us weren't going to be able to make it.

lastly, there was the issue of the hotel wedding planners being on 'carribean time'. even though we were planning at an upscale reputable hotel, weeks would pass before we would get any responses to our calls/emails. so while at first it was a relief to not have to do any traditional 'wedding planning', we soon realized that we were relinquishing all control over our wedding plans to people who weren't returning a simple phone call! it was disconcerting, especially because we would be bringing our family and friends all the way to the caribbean for this! if it didn't work out due to poor planning we would have been so upset.

another thing - there is sort of a catch-22 implicit in destination wedding planning. your hotel/airline will give you deals and discounts depending on how many guests book. but your guests will be reluctant to book until they know how much they're spending. and you don't really know what to tell anyone because you don't know what the price will be BECAUSE you don't know how many people will book!

if you're thinking about a destination wedding, i would definitely look into it. there is definitely a certain appeal to having your wedding at a romantic faraway place! i don't mean to discourage you at all. i just wanted to tell you about my own experience to show that while you're giving up lots of headaches with an away wedding, you're sort of gaining a whole new set. i guess you just have to choose your headaches - LOL.

i'm sorry this is so long!!! FM me if you'd like to talk about it...

Re: I am having second thoughts! Help!

Thank you all for your thoughts!

I guess what is stressing me out right now is all the deposites, finding vendors, etc. and at the same time not knowing which direction to start in. Being a DIY type of person, I am also making myself overwhelmed with all the things that I feel I HAVE to make for the wedding to make sure it has a personal touch (programs, pew decorations, favors, etc.) I know I could easily pay people to do these things, but simply knowing that I could do them cheaper myself would kill me!


What is also stressing me out is the unkown- if I do have a traditional wedding and pay a lot of money to have family there that I never see anyway- will I regret it? Would I have rather have had a small intimate gathering- helping immediate family with some of the travel costs- with my close family who would come see me regardless of where I were to get married?

I guess I would just like to hear from brides that have been there/done that and if they would do it over again.........

Thanks!!!

Re: I am having second thoughts! Help!

Vegas was our first choice but FI and my grandma talked me out of it. I so wanted to get married at the best little wedding chapel. The planning is not bad because I enjoy making shtuff. I just hate having to wear a dress. I am definitley wearing my flip flops because they are not getting me into girlie shoes. I hate dresses and I hate glitz...i hate flowers more than anything!! I agreed to have a normal wedding so that my family and friends could share in my happiness.

Re: I am having second thoughts! Help!

Re: I am having second thoughts! Help!

I can relate and I understand your pain. Two years ago, I helped my sister plan her wedding and that was very stressful. I kept saying I'm not planning a big wedding b/c I'm going to City Hall. In Jan. 2003 FH proposed and I siad what day are we going to go to City Hall. FH said this is the first and only time I will do this and WE ARE NOT GOING TO CITY HALL. So now 240 guest later, several grey hairs and an almost depleted bank account I have 41 days left. I was stressed from day one. I will not do it again! You will be ok. Look for bargain on the internet and if you book items early you can get great discounts. If you any help you can always have help from your fellow Brides.

Re: I am having second thoughts! Help!

Re: I am having second thoughts! Help!

Stef-

I agree what you are saying about having the guests have to pay- which is why I was thinking of using the money that I would have spent on the reception to help cover their travel costs- but you are right- we will end up spending the money anyway somehow!

I guess I was also looking at it as a way for my immediate family to be forced to take a much needed vacation in a place that they will probably never go to on their own....

che sera sera..... I think I will just stick with my original plan and hang on for dear life!

Thank you all for taking the time to share your thoughts with me!! I think I need to wean myself away from this computer for a day or two for a much needed 'free my mind from wedding thoughts' vacation!

Re: I am having second thoughts! Help!

Just one last thought, you mentioned that it would 'force' your family to take a much needed vacation, but in fairness, you would be 'forcing' all of your guests. Yes of course it will be a beautiful enjoyable vacation, but it probably isn't the trip any of them would take if they had their choice. My FH and I were planning on going to Europe last year before our friends decided to get married in Jamaica. We are really close to the couple, so we didn't feel right not going to their wedding, mind you, we had been to Jamaica the year before. It cost us almost $3000 and a week of vacation time. We had a fabulous time there with all of our friends, but it wouldn't have been our choice for our vacation of the year.

Re: I am having second thoughts! Help!

Re: I am having second thoughts! Help!

Re: I am having second thoughts! Help!

believe me I kinda know how you're feeling I got engaged back in march and 2 days later my FH got laid -off from his job so we couldnt set a date right away due to financial reasons(we live together) finally un-employment put him through school to get his CDL license to drive 18 wheeler trucks so he said we could set a date and book our recpetion hall which we did NOV 5th 2005 at East wind. the only problem is that now inorder for him to get a good paying job as a trucker he has to go out on the road 5-6 days out of the week and only be home 2 days. so I've been feeling the same kind of stress in the financial way and also in the relationship way of being scared that we will grow apart!! planning a wedding really makes you think about things. we also thought about having our wedding on a cruise ship just paying for a wedding party to come on the crusie and leave it as an open invitation to anyone else who might want to join us and then say the rest of the money. but dont worry it will all fall into place just do what your heart tell's you to do.