I am so angry right now....

Sometimes I look at JT and I think to myself, how is it that this man is so unwilling to take initiative to get anything done? I have been asking him for weeks to help me out because my car REALLY needs brakes and an inspection. His father is a mechanic and usually fixes the cars for his family. I feel like if I am marrying this man, he should feel at least A LITTLE compelled to ask his father to look at my car. ESPECIALLY because they have little to nothing to do with our wedding. We are getting no money from them what so ever. And that's fine, but if you CAN help us out a little, it would be nice. So anyway, he finally asked his father on Monday to look at my car, and his father said, 'Oh, definitely!' So he called around and priced new brakes for my car and called JT to tell him what kind of brakes to buy. But since then, JT has not done a damn thing about getting the brakes. He has not even spoken to his father about when he can do them for me. And although it is my car, I do not have the kind of relationship with his father where I can just call him or go over there myself, so I NEED JT to take care of this for me. But he has done nothing to this for me. He is so unwilling to take care of anything when I need him to. Yeah he cleans and runs errands, but unless it directly affects him, he never takes care of it. And I just cannot believe I am marrying someone who is so f-ing unmotivated and so freaking unconcerned with the things that I might need him to help out with. I know I am probably over-blowing this thing right now, but as I was trying to talk to him about it just before, he was MOCKING me. Who does that? He's an f-ing child sometimes and I hate that ALL of the responsibility is on me all of the time. I'm just so aggravated and upset and hurt and annoyed.

Maybe its time to get to know your future FIL better and try calling him and speaking to him yourself. You need to show due care for your care also especially if he isn't.

Brakes are a serious matter and I'm sorry JT isn't taking it control of it.

I'm confused though did you just need his dad to find out the parts and JT is doing it or is his Dad doing the work for you?

I'm sorry, I hope you get new brakes soon.

Ps. Should you try another mechanic maybe I know that sometimes you are better off not going for the 'family discount' and just doing it on your own, and since you don't have a strong relationship with your FIL it sounds like he wouldn't be too upset if you went elsewhere.

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Posted by 070502

Maybe its time to get to know your future FIL better and try calling him and speaking to him yourself. You need to show due care for your care also especially if he isn't.

Brakes are a serious matter and I'm sorry JT isn't taking it control of it.

I'm confused though did you just need his dad to find out the parts and JT is doing it or is his Dad doing the work for you?

I'm sorry, I hope you get new brakes soon.

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JT's father is a mechanic for the government, so he does not have access to a shop, so his father told JT what kind of brakes to buy to give to him so FFIL can fix them. JT knows NOTHING about cars. It's not even so much about the car. It's somethign that I would normally take care of, but being so busy lately and having a gazillion other things to do, it would be easier if he would just take my car for a day to his fathers so that I can still use his to get stuff done. It's his lack of motivation and his view that he does not need to help me with anything that is really upsetting me. I feel like I in it all alone sometimes because I can't count on him to get things done.

I think you should just take the initiative your self. Goto the Auto parts store, and ask them for brakes for your car. If you goto a store that you can trust, you will be ok.

Then call your FFIL, and tell him you have the brake's, are there anything else I need? Let him tell you what else you need and then schedule a time for him to do the work. Maybe to get to know him a little better, you can offer him lunch or breakfast.....You should really get to know your future inlaws. Family is very important.
Scott

I would just take the initiative and ...sorry but here i would be using the old stand by female guilt trip....and make him feel bad. Maybe this will wake him up! Or as the others said, take the initiative and learn how to do it yourself

Rach...sometimes I think we are marrying the same man
I know EXACTLY how you feel and I feel the same way at times. Jim and I had a nice sit down the other day, where I told him 'You are not just a paycheck to this house and I don't treat you as if you are, so I'd appreciate alittle help and concern'...the next day, he went out and bought a household finances organizer, and has taken over doing all the bills and tracking everything.
Although you would not have to sit a woman down and tell her exactly, step by step what you need done, sometimes men need this.

Love ya

Thanks everyone. Let me just clear some stuff up here.......I do not want to know my inlaws any better because I know them EXTREMELY well as it is. JT's father is not from this country, and does not have the highest regards for what a woman can and cannot do. I am not about to be the one to stick it to him that I can certainly do it. And to be honest, I really would do the stupid brakes myself and I could probably do it without anyone assistance, but it's the principal of it. I am busy and do not have enough time to take care of everything, adn JT needs to learn that we are not two independent people who live in the same house and sleep in the same bed. We are a team and need to act and function like one. THAT being said..............
We had a VERY long talk today and he made a very good point to me that I seem to often overlook and that point was: Just because he does not go about doing things in the way that I would, does not mean that they will not get done. I admit I am a control freak and frequently take the drivers seat leaving him to just stand there with nothing to do, so I definitely need to work on that. He spoke with his father today and bought everything I need to take care of my car, and it is being taken care of. We are going to work on being on the same page with what needs to be taken care of. I feel much better now and I am glad it's all taken care of because I hate when we fight Thanks everyone for the advice and for listening to my crap!