I have posted about this before but I just cannot believe that there are at least 14 people who didnt come to my shower or were OOT....but they never sent a gift.
2 of them are my aunts!
2 of them are GM wives (who I didnt want to invite bc they are OOT, but FMIL told me it was etiquette to invite them so I did)
1 of them is a OOT friend (and I was invited to her grad party but couldnt go...and I still sent a gift!)
A few others are friends and a few cousins who dont make much money and are going thru a divorce so I understand that.
Rude? Or do I just need to let it go?!!?!?
wifetobe
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Re: I cannot let it go....
It's definitely rude...I always send a gift if I don't go...but I'd still say to let it go....people will always surprise you!!!
futuremrsfab
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Re: I cannot let it go....
its definately rude but dont take it as a slight or that they dont love you- maybe they are not familiar with the custom- i am sure they would never mean to hurt you
bluegreen08
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Re: I cannot let it go....
I would say for close family, a little rude... but I would try not to stay too mad about it.
We have many OOTers (all of FH's family and many of our friends) and FILs didn't come to our e-party and FH didn't want to invite the rest of his OOT family and our OOT friends because he knew they wouldnt come and didn't want them to feel pressured to give a gift. So, we didn't... and nobody on his side gave a gift or even sent a congrats card. I was upset about it for a while (more that they didnt come.. it's a 2.5 hour flight..) but I tried not to stay upset because they didn't do it to hurt us... I think they feel bad about it looking back
I dont know who is invited to my shower, but FMIL is throwing me a small one out here for my local friends. If I was only having one in NY I'm not sure if I would invite all of the OOTers, I wouldn't expect my friends and FH's OOT family to fly to NY for my shower but maybe other people's do?
I know this is a long response and I might go back and take out some personal info, but I'd just say to try to let it go unless you think it was done maliciously. I know it's hard, but keeping a grudge wont actually help anything..
Mici n KC
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Re: I cannot let it go....
For your family it's definitely rude of them. For the GMs wives, I don't think you really should complain about it. If they aren't your close friends, just leave it be. There will always be people like this and it's not really that important that you should get worked up over it.
Jenn04
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Re: I cannot let it go....
You are right...people prob dont have the money or dont know about etiquette.
The OOTers are from MI, AZ and UT. Maybe the GM wives were confused as to why they were invited anyway. I am friendly with them and we talk on email and myspace but I thought it was weird to invite them...but FMIL insisted!
Soon2BMrs.T
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Re: I cannot let it go....
Just let it go. Everyone has different situations and can not afford it at the time especially if they are putting out money to come to the wedding. So, I would not worry about it maybe they might give you something at the wedding and chose not to give it to you at the shower. You may never know.
Bride908
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Re: I cannot let it go....
Some people just dont attend things because they dont want to give a gift....
bluekat16
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Re: I cannot let it go....
It is rude that they didn't send a gift..but no everyone is in tune with etiquette.
bemyyoko
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Re: I cannot let it go....
i only got gifts from 3 people who couldn't attend my shower. to be honest, before this site i never knew it was proper to send a gift, a few times i didn't go to a shower simply b/c i couldn't afford a gift.
i'd let it go, material objects and money are no reason to hold a grudge, i don't think gifts are things we should get mad over.
I'm annoyed that several family members RSVP'd YES to the wedding, and then just didn't show up and didn't send a card or anything, and then there are the people who came and didnt give a card or anything.. does it bother me? sure. is it worth ruining friendships/relationships over? nope
SoonToBeMrsBrady
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Re: I cannot let it go....
Maybe they have plans to give you a gift before your wedding in June.
mariaobride
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Re: I cannot let it go....
they probably dont either have the money right now... or they might just make it up to you on your wedding day... i would let it go i dont think it was anything done personal towards you
Espo22
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Re: I cannot let it go....
i would wait until after the wedding. Maybe they plan on giving you extra at the wedding since they missed your shower
Jenn04
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Re: I cannot let it go....
OK I am over it....thanks for listening girls!
Shelly9697
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Re: I cannot let it go....
Yeah hopefully they are waiting!!
MrsQ-in2007
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Re: I cannot let it go....
let it go - a gift is never required even though it has become the norm. and honestly, if they're planning on attending the wedding, they may not be able to afford giving you multiple gifts.
it may be rude, but there's nothing you can do about it. oot'ers technically do not need to be invited to showers anyway - usually you do invite family or close friends out of courtesy which it seems is what you did. if they're traveling to the wedding, don't forget that they have an added expense
i will say that i have one aunt who lives about 15 mins from where my b-shower was held and didn't come, didn't send a gift. i thought it was rude of her, but that was it, i let it go. i have another aunt that lives in cali and obviously couldn't make it to the shower but sent a very generous gift - totally unnecessary but oh so appreciated. try to focus on the positive.
roan126
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Re: I cannot let it go....
When was your shower? I had people that didnt make it or didnt bring a gift to the shower, and I got gifts from most of them a week or two later.
