I can't believe I'm this person...

So you know how everyone tells you to wait a while before picking your bridal party. Well, I was all no no that rule isn't for me I know my friends well enough to know I won't have this problem. yeah well.... I was wrong.

So I have 7 bridesmaids. All of whom are either family or my best best friends, except one girl. She used to share an office with FH. They were really good friends and in turn we became really close. I helped her SO much with her wedding. She told me she really regretted not making me a bridesmaid. So when i got engaged i thought well i should make her my bridesmaid! A month after I asked her, her husband got relocated to texas and they moved two weeks later. we still talked all the time after they moved. But slowly she stopped talking to me all the time. Now we pretty much just have 'hi how are you, good how are you' conversations. Whenever i try to talk to her about the wedding she seems completely not interested and she almost never responds to emails that i send to the bridesmaids. Also, i paid for a hotel room for all the girls to stay with me the night before the wedding and she is the only one who isn't going to come and stay with me.

I understand that my wedding isn't the center of everyones universe. So if it was just that she wasn't totally interested in hearing about wedding plans i could deal with that. But its more the fact that she makes zero effort to even talk to me in general. It really irks me that I could have made someone else a bridesmaid. That she's going to be in my photos with my family and best girl friends. I feel like she might be one of those people that we eventually loose touch with and there she will be in my wedding photos forever.

I feel like I need to talk to her and say look I know your really busy and i want to let you know if you don't want to be in the wedding I understand. But she will probably just say no no i want to. Whenever i think about this it gets me really upset. I feel like I'm probably stuck with this situation though. Also her husband is a groomsmen so that makes things even more complicated. I spoke with FH and He agrees that she has been really distant and he doesn't know what to do about this either.

Should I just suck it up and deal with it and let it be? I feel like thats all I really can do at this point.

With how stand-offish she is being, I would definitely give her an opportunity to back down. I had an issue with my MOH where I had heard mixed things that she may not want to do it anymore because of certain life circumstances, so I (very nicely) called her and said, 'I care about you so much and I realize that things have changed for you since you agreed to be my MOH, and I just wanted to give you the opportunity to change your involvement in my wedding. If you want to be my MOH, a BM, or just come as a guest, I just want you to be happy and comfortable with your role'. I also threw in some things about how I expect/need certain things from a MOH and that if she cannot provide those things I understand and wouldn't fault her for backing down. I think you could take this approach because it sounds like it applies to your situation with your BM. In the end, my MOH stuck around, but she's family so it was different. It sounds like this girl may appreciate the chance to back down without it being her idea/fault. Good luck!!

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Posted by kerryums

With how stand-offish she is being, I would definitely give her an opportunity to back down. I had an issue with my MOH where I had heard mixed things that she may not want to do it anymore because of certain life circumstances, so I (very nicely) called her and said, 'I care about you so much and I realize that things have changed for you since you agreed to be my MOH, and I just wanted to give you the opportunity to change your involvement in my wedding. If you want to be my MOH, a BM, or just come as a guest, I just want you to be happy and comfortable with your role'. I also threw in some things about how I expect/need certain things from a MOH and that if she cannot provide those things I understand and wouldn't fault her for backing down. I think you could take this approach because it sounds like it applies to your situation with your BM. In the end, my MOH stuck around, but she's family so it was different. It sounds like this girl may appreciate the chance to back down without it being her idea/fault. Good luck!!

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This!!!

I'm sorry you are going through this...I had a similar situation picking a BM too early and well, I had to kick her out.

Anyway, maybe you can FH talk to his GM and kinda feel around if anything major is going on with them right now that would cause her to be so distant before you have the talk with her. I would definitely have it, but if you know about something that's going on from FH's GM, it might help your talk. Good luck!!

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Posted by kerryums

With how stand-offish she is being, I would definitely give her an opportunity to back down. I had an issue with my MOH where I had heard mixed things that she may not want to do it anymore because of certain life circumstances, so I (very nicely) called her and said, 'I care about you so much and I realize that things have changed for you since you agreed to be my MOH, and I just wanted to give you the opportunity to change your involvement in my wedding. If you want to be my MOH, a BM, or just come as a guest, I just want you to be happy and comfortable with your role'. I also threw in some things about how I expect/need certain things from a MOH and that if she cannot provide those things I understand and wouldn't fault her for backing down. I think you could take this approach because it sounds like it applies to your situation with your BM. In the end, my MOH stuck around, but she's family so it was different. It sounds like this girl may appreciate the chance to back down without it being her idea/fault. Good luck!!

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EXACTLY THIS!

I have a similar problem. Minus the girl being married and him being in the bridal party too. I regret asking people when I first got engaged, I wish I would of just waited longer to choose

Thanks for your advice girls! I'm going to try to talk to her. I think i might just have to live with my choice but im going to try to improve our friendship at the very least!

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Posted by kerryums

With how stand-offish she is being, I would definitely give her an opportunity to back down. I had an issue with my MOH where I had heard mixed things that she may not want to do it anymore because of certain life circumstances, so I (very nicely) called her and said, 'I care about you so much and I realize that things have changed for you since you agreed to be my MOH, and I just wanted to give you the opportunity to change your involvement in my wedding. If you want to be my MOH, a BM, or just come as a guest, I just want you to be happy and comfortable with your role'. I also threw in some things about how I expect/need certain things from a MOH and that if she cannot provide those things I understand and wouldn't fault her for backing down. I think you could take this approach because it sounds like it applies to your situation with your BM. In the end, my MOH stuck around, but she's family so it was different. It sounds like this girl may appreciate the chance to back down without it being her idea/fault. Good luck!!

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This!!!

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Posted by kerryums

With how stand-offish she is being, I would definitely give her an opportunity to back down. I had an issue with my MOH where I had heard mixed things that she may not want to do it anymore because of certain life circumstances, so I (very nicely) called her and said, 'I care about you so much and I realize that things have changed for you since you agreed to be my MOH, and I just wanted to give you the opportunity to change your involvement in my wedding. If you want to be my MOH, a BM, or just come as a guest, I just want you to be happy and comfortable with your role'. I also threw in some things about how I expect/need certain things from a MOH and that if she cannot provide those things I understand and wouldn't fault her for backing down. I think you could take this approach because it sounds like it applies to your situation with your BM. In the end, my MOH stuck around, but she's family so it was different. It sounds like this girl may appreciate the chance to back down without it being her idea/fault. Good luck!!

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ITA! You def needto have a talk with her and give her a chance to back out. If she says no that she still wants to be in it then u need to tell her how u need/want her to stop being so distant. Like u said, u dont want someone in your wedding and in you photos for life who u wont be in your life after the wedding.