I don't know what to do... (long)

smilealways Posted: Apr 20, 2004 12:43 PM

I don't know what to do... (long)

We're still over a year out and FI wants to call off the big wedding (of my dreams) and throw a BBQ in the backyard. Not that I'm totally against a backyard wedding or anything, but we've already booked our reception hall and dj (though it might still be nice to have the dj at the festivities). He's really freaked out about $$$, but he's the one who insisted on the expensive NY wedding to begin with, rather than a cheaper wedding in my hometown of San Diego. There were a lot of reasons behind this, and they all made sense, but still, it's the fact that now he wants to pull out of it. We're getting married so far out East that I'm afraid we'd have trouble rebooking the date, even though it's a popular month. If this happened, we'd end up paying for the thing anyway. I don't know what to do.

skew Posted: Apr 20, 2004 12:46 PM

Re: I don't know what to do... (long)

you should make decisions together, but when it comes down to it, this is really YOUR day. explain to your FH that although you understand his concerns, this wedding means A LOT to you. scrimp and save every penny if you have to. i would hate to see you have any regrets.

ETA: i can't help but to focus on your statement, 'the big wedding (of my dreams)'. those words basically sums up EVERYTHING

cocoa Posted: Apr 20, 2004 12:47 PM

Re: I don't know what to do... (long)

i don't know what to tell you but i wish you luck!
and if it helps, there are lots of days, and we have a little over a hundred days to go, but there are days when we seriously wonder if we should call it all off and go to city hall.

MrsBrad Posted: Apr 20, 2004 12:48 PM

Re: I don't know what to do... (long)

My FI and I had the same issues a few months back when we first got engaged. But we talked about it a lot and I explained to him my dream wedding and in the end he was really understanding. Now, as we are getting closer and closer to the date, I can tell he is excited and he always say 'our wedding is going to be so nice, people are going to love the work you are doing'

Dont give up yet!

Bebalina Posted: Apr 20, 2004 12:49 PM

Re: I don't know what to do... (long)

Posted by skew

you should make decisions together, but when it comes down to it, this is really YOUR day. explain to your FH that although you understand his concerns, this wedding means A LOT to you. scrimp and save every penny if you have to. i would hate to see you have any regrets.

i agree.

skew Posted: Apr 20, 2004 12:53 PM

Re: I don't know what to do... (long)

you could also cut back in other ways i.e: less expensive invites, flowers, dress, favors, and honeymoon.

Stacey04 Posted: Apr 20, 2004 12:57 PM

Re: I don't know what to do... (long)

Posted by skew

you should make decisions together, but when it comes down to it, this is really YOUR day. explain to your FH that although you understand his concerns, this wedding means A LOT to you. scrimp and save every penny if you have to. i would hate to see you have any regrets.

ETA: i can't help but to focus on your statement, 'the big wedding (of my dreams)'. those words basically sums up EVERYTHING

Although I agree that you and FH should make the decisions together..I believe that it is just as much HIS day as it is YOURS. You may be the bride, but its not about YOU havig a wedding. Its about doing it TOGETHER, YOUR MARRIAGE....

smilealways Posted: Apr 20, 2004 01:04 PM

Re: I don't know what to do... (long)

See, I thought that's what he wanted too. All he'd done when we talked about weddings was talk about how great and lavish all of his cousins weddings were and he loved the vineyard when we went to see it. The part that's most unfair is that I'm here trying to graduate so I can move to NY in June to be with him and finish planning and he's trying to make me make this decision now when we aren't even together to talk about it. Ugh.

KarenB Posted: Apr 20, 2004 01:07 PM

Re: I don't know what to do... (long)

Wait until you are together to talk about it. In the end you have to either agree you both want it there, or he has to be ok w/having it there because he puts your feelings first about having it there.

katebloom99 Posted: Apr 20, 2004 01:08 PM

Re: I don't know what to do... (long)

FH and I keep talking about all the money we are about to spend on a wedding, and we get a little stressed, but I agree that there are a lot of ways to cut costs and still have an amazing wedding.

Pookiesangel Posted: Apr 20, 2004 01:16 PM

Re: I don't know what to do... (long)

My advice, is ask FH to wait until your there to talk to each other in person, it's a major decsion to make and you need time to think about it, because this is, as you said your dream wedding..

MRSJLK Posted: Apr 20, 2004 01:18 PM

Re: I don't know what to do... (long)

Sorry to hear your troubles.... The two of you really need to sit down and talk about what you BOTH want to do...There needs to compromise on both ends.

If you already booked the reception site, I think you should stick with it...you don't want to take the chance of loosing any money!!
Can you change to the date to maybe an off season when the prices are down a little bit??

diamondgrlie Posted: Apr 20, 2004 01:21 PM

Re: I don't know what to do... (long)

Definately talk it all over. The reason I want to have a big wedding is because of the fear of regretting not having one. It may seem silly but I always think of when I am old and look back on my life, will I smile or frown. If a big wedding makes you smile, I think you have your answer.

Ok I am very philisophical (sp?) today... hormones!!!

shelly3950 Posted: Apr 20, 2004 01:39 PM

Re: I don't know what to do... (long)

My FH and I went through this a lot in the beginning of the wedding planning. We even seriously considered eloping with our famililes, after we put down our deposit at the hall.

But thanks to this board, we found such inexpensive and quality vendors that we actually stayed on our rediciulously low budget.

Two words of wisdom, make the decision together! Otherwise one of you will resent the other. Second, DON'T GO INTO DEBT OVER A WEDDING! This adds such a strain on a marriage, and its not worth it. It is one day and the most important part is the least expensive (the ceremony). There are lots of ways to do budget classy receptions. I was amazed at how inexpensive things could be!