I don't know what to feel...my cousin isn't coming to my wedding

glinda_goodwitch Posted: May 04, 2006 06:25 PM

I don't know what to feel...my cousin isn't coming to my wedding

I don't know whether to be angry, hurt, or sad. She has no real reason. I called my mom for the replies today and she said my cousin called her mom on the phone screaming why did it have to be in NY? She has no one to take care of her 3 dogs and her husband doesn't want to drive to NY. A year and a half ago, FH and I drove 8 hours for her wedding. She only has to drive 3.5 hours. It's not that big of a deal. Last weekend all of FH's close family drove the 3.5 hours for my shower, and that isn't nearly as important as a wedding. I am so hurt. I am also so mad, I think it's bullsh!t. I knew you found out who your friends were during wedding planning. But I didn't know you find out who your family is, too. I need hugs.

ewickens Posted: May 04, 2006 06:35 PM

Re: I don't know what to feel...my cousin isn't coming to my wedding

Those that are worthwhile will make a point to come and celebrate your love and committment on your big day - for those that don't, it's their loss and don't give it a second thought! At the end of the day, you will married to the love of your life and that is the only thing that matters in the scheme of things!!! In the meantime, we're all here for you!

glinda_goodwitch Posted: May 04, 2006 06:36 PM

Re: I don't know what to feel...my cousin isn't coming to my wedding

Thank you. One thing I'm wondering is how to act towards her whenever I see her in the future. She's a fairly close cousin and I know that I'll want to hold a grudge.

ewickens Posted: May 04, 2006 06:38 PM

Re: I don't know what to feel...my cousin isn't coming to my wedding

Posted by glinda_goodwitch

Thank you. One thing I'm wondering is how to act towards her whenever I see her in the future. She's a fairly close cousin and I know that I'll want to hold a grudge.

Be the better person and the adult in this situation, but I know that feeling of vengeance will want to stay!!! You can be civil without being welcoming - and if she has children in the future and some event comes up for them - you can happily state thank you, but no thank you!

Soon2BeMrs2006 Posted: May 04, 2006 06:38 PM

Re: I don't know what to feel...my cousin isn't coming to my wedding

waterspout4 Posted: May 04, 2006 06:40 PM

Re: I don't know what to feel...my cousin isn't coming to my wedding

Sounds like an excuse. Maybe she's embarrassed to explain the real reason. Go easy on your cousin.

cindyandkevin Posted: May 04, 2006 06:49 PM

Re: I don't know what to feel...my cousin isn't coming to my wedding

Betsy hit the nail on the head, she said it perfectly!!!

Don't think about who isn't going to be there, focus on those who all responded YES, WE'RE COMING!!!!!! Cheer up Beth, you're getting married!!!!!!

superkat Posted: May 04, 2006 07:10 PM

Re: I don't know what to feel...my cousin isn't coming to my wedding

Sorry Beth Honestly, I have been receiving a lot of 'no's' from people that I had NO DOUBT would be there for my special day. And while it does hurt, I am not going to let it bother me. I am going to enjoy my wedding day with my FH, enjoy my friends and family that are with me, and forget the rest for that particular day!

shellibean Posted: May 04, 2006 07:25 PM

Re: I don't know what to feel...my cousin isn't coming to my wedding

cjb88 Posted: May 04, 2006 07:27 PM

Re: I don't know what to feel...my cousin isn't coming to my wedding

some people just S U C K!!!!

Happybride2005 Posted: May 04, 2006 07:33 PM

Re: I don't know what to feel...my cousin isn't coming to my wedding

i have this saying that people believe whoever wants to make it to see u, they will. i'm quite sure a friend could dog sit. the people that want to see u get married, we'll be there

beautyq115 Posted: May 04, 2006 08:07 PM

Re: I don't know what to feel...my cousin isn't coming to my wedding

WOW...that is pretty obnoxious! Like someone else said maybe she is covering the real reason or maybe she is just selfish...whatever it is you will have the people who truly matter with you on your day...screw her!

JanuaryBride06 Posted: May 04, 2006 08:09 PM

Re: I don't know what to feel...my cousin isn't coming to my wedding

I'm sorry to hear that.

JohnnysGirl350 Posted: May 04, 2006 08:31 PM

Re: I don't know what to feel...my cousin isn't coming to my wedding

VadersBride2006 Posted: May 04, 2006 08:32 PM

Re: I don't know what to feel...my cousin isn't coming to my wedding

I know how you feel sweetie! I posted a while back about my sister not coming to my wedding. She said it would be too 'traumatic' and I told her that was just an excuse, so now she is no longer speaking to me at all.
The hurt will never completely go away, but it does lessen over time... concentrate on the good.

leese Posted: May 04, 2006 08:34 PM

Re: I don't know what to feel...my cousin isn't coming to my wedding

Posted by glinda_goodwitch

Thank you. One thing I'm wondering is how to act towards her whenever I see her in the future. She's a fairly close cousin and I know that I'll want to hold a grudge.

I can tell you from personal experience. My cousin got married and three children in 3 years. I was there for every shower, every christening, with the last one being in January where my mom fell on the snow and hurt herself. I say this because it shows that we went out of our way to go up to Westchester for her. When it came to my wedding, she came to my eng. party and my shower and I am grateful. At my eng. party I told her I was glad she came with the kids but at my wedding, we weren't having children.

She emailed me a couple of weeks before the wedding and asked to bring her youngest. I said that we couldn't allow it...long story short, she decided not to come and didn't tell me except by the Response card.

I thought she would change her mind, and she even tried to 'broker' a deal with us, but we left it with her not coming. She recently sent me my cupcake sheet from my registry as a present.

I wonder what I'll be like when I see her...I hope I will rise to the occasion. It's hard because it's family but when they disappoint you like that, you take it personal.

Boston&NY2006 Posted: May 04, 2006 09:07 PM

Re: I don't know what to feel...my cousin isn't coming to my wedding

Some people are just really self-centered, I guess. I agree with the other posters who said that you should be the bigger person, and just let it go. It will be her loss that she is missing your wedding.

MrsH1156 Posted: May 04, 2006 09:37 PM

Re: I don't know what to feel...my cousin isn't coming to my wedding

I'm so sorry. I think your cousin is being extremely childish and selfish. Hopefully she'll come to her senses. I hope you feel better soon!!!

October Bliss Posted: May 04, 2006 09:38 PM

Re: I don't know what to feel...my cousin isn't coming to my wedding

Aww Beth, I know how you're feeling. My invites aren't even out yet and my favorite aunt sent me an email a month ago telling me she isn't coming. I spent hours crying and even had to leave work I was so upset. But, I've now had a month to get adjusted to the idea. Yes, I'm still hurt, but the pain is a lot duller than it was the day I got the email.