I don't know what to think anymore... Sorry, long vent.

As the days countdown towards my wedding I no longer know what to think about my family.

All of my cousins and I were raised together but in recent years (last 15) and as they have married and all had kids (they are all in their 40's) we don't see each other as much. This started a few years after my grandmother died.

1.Well, only one of my cousins (single mom whose son was sick) and one of my aunts came to my shower. My cousin who had to drive my aunt had to leave early due to her son's asthma. Four of my cousins rsvped yes then cancelled at the last minute.

2. My own Godmother did not attend my shower and has not called me three weeks later to see how it was.

3. Now I come home to a box from Fortunoff. My cousin and his wife (who do very well for themselves) sent me their wedding gift... $50. and they plan on attending. Is this what they give people?

My father built them a custom made wall unit for their wedding 15 years ago that took himabout a month to construct, every night in the garage. You would have to spend $10,000 to have such a custom piece made to order. Oh, and he wrote them a check on top of that for $300 in 1990!!!! I gave $100 then and I was paying my own way through school. I didn't eat meat for weeks to give them that gift, seriously!

I guess they deducted the price of the babysitter because I told them no kids.

Sorry this is so long but is this what they give family? Especially members who helped them move, do major renovations on their house, etc.
My chairperson spent more on my shower gift. We have other's who are not attending who I would never expect to send a gift gave us more.

I wish I had known all along. Sorry if it sounds petty but they are very well off (now) and we've given and done so much for them in the past.

To make matters worse this cousin is my Dad's godson and since my Dad had the stroke 8 years ago they visited/called him once. Not once, has he or his wife offered to help my brother or I in caring for my Dad who did so much for him. Sure, when my Dad could help lay tile, run pipes, hang cabinets, and paint they called all of the time.

Well, now I know.

OMG! I am so sorry! I am also finding out that people who I have bent over backwards for when it was “their time” couldn’t care less about me now.

I have to say though, your family is being very insensitive. And I don’t blame you ONE BIT for feeling the way you do! it stinks! Personally, I would say something. Especially to your relative who your father build that wall unit for.

Thanks. I can't imagine where their actions are coming from. I feel bad because my aunt (who is the mom of these cousins) is the sweetest woman in the world and I know she is very upset about this.
She was so happy that I am getting married considering everything my brother and I have been through. We've had an 'unusual' life to say the least.

I am planning on waiting until after the wedding to say something. I don't want them not showing up now and having to pay for their plate.

On the bright side, I guess I'll have A LOT less Christmas cards to write this year

No petty at all- I have gotten a few 'wedding/shower' gift combos from my mom's family already and they are so incredibly cheap(15-20 a person)! And we have bent over backwards for these people.

But then there are people like my sister's best friend who can't even attend and is in grad school with no money sends a check for $50. Its amazing that our friends are so much more generous than our family.

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Posted by David'sbride

Thanks. I can't imagine where their actions are coming from. I feel bad because my aunt (who is the mom of these cousins) is the sweetest woman in the world and I know she is very upset about this.
She was so happy that I am getting married considering everything my brother and I have been through. We've had an 'unusual' life to say the least.

I am planning on waiting until after the wedding to say something. I don't want them not showing up now and having to pay for their plate.

On the bright side, I guess I'll have A LOT less Christmas cards to write this year

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that's the spirit!

I would wait until after the wedding too. But you should definitely say something. They should know how their selfishness is impacting others.

I'm so sorry!!!!

My Dad has always been a generous person, at times even giving more than could actually be afforded at the time. The same can not be said about some in my family, it's just the way things are, people don't think to say well how have they done by me in the past, maybe I should repay the kindness, weither it's an actual gift or favors, doesn't really matter, it's sad that sometimes so-called family treats you as a stranger and stranger's treat you like family..

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Posted by Pookiesangel

My Dad has always been a generous person, at times even giving more than could actually be afforded at the time. The same can not be said about some in my family, it's just the way things are, people don't think to say well how have they done by me in the past, maybe I should repay the kindness, weither it's an actual gift or favors, doesn't really matter, it's sad that sometimes so-called family treats you as a stranger and stranger's treat you like family..

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I couldn't have said it better...

'Sometimes so-called family treats you as a stranger and stranger's treat you better than family'

I'm going to have to quote you on that. That should be embroidered on one of those little pillows.

I just feel so bad for my Dad. So generous to them over the years, he was the nicest guy... all of you would have loved him. Then he has a stroke is robbed of speech and partially paralyzed while my deadbeat cousins...

Thanks Girls. I knew I could count on you ladies to make me feel better

people are about themselves. It really stinks but I learned that in this whole wedding process

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this

It's so disappointing when you have always gone over and above for people and they treat you this way.

I'm in my late 30's and have spent a fortune on weddings, christenings, communions, confirmations, baby and wedding showers, graduations etc., etc., etc., and that's not even on family members. I totally expect to get a kick in the a** when it comes to the gifts I receive for my wedding.

I'm sure you will get wonderful gifts from people who you never expected would be so generous, and that's what you will remember and make you feel loved.

I know the feeling about bending over backwards, and now you just feel like your getting nothing in return.. Don't worry about it!! Enjoy your wedding, everything will be great.. After the wedding, then start complaining!!! Now, seriously. Do you think they could also be bringing a gift to the wedding? Did they attend the shower? I'm sorry you are going through this!!

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Posted by Lori0517

people are about themselves. It really stinks but I learned that in this whole wedding process

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you said a MOUTHFULL! the people closest to me have really let me down!

First of all - people can be so disappointing at times - your cousins seem very selfish - but PLEASE don't let this get you down - think happy thoughts and have an AMAZING wedding

I'm so sorry to hear about your problems. I agree that you should wait until after the wedding and not add to your problems right now. But it does sound as if people are being selfish. $50 as a gift is fine for someone in grad school or young or out of work or someone who barely knows you. It also sounds as if the lack of help is bothering you more than the gift.

My family have been quite supportive, but one of my friends is pretty useless. I wanted her to look at my dress with me (she works in the city near the shop, and it wouldn't have been a big deal for her), and she said it wasn't her thing! I really just wanted her opinion on this one dress, not a major shopping exhibition. And FH family, don't even get me started!

Yup. I learned the same lesson during our engagement. At times, I was shocked by some of the family members who it turns out can think of no one but themselves (they think: my time, my money, my kids, my importance, my good time are paramount over the and ) and very very pleasantly surprised over the friends and family who bent over backward for us. And you know what, three months in, the selfish continue to be selfish, and we spend our time with the ones who acted like we meant something to them. And we're a lot happier because of it.