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I don't want a huge wedding!
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Re: I don't want a huge wedding!
I dont think your being selfish. If you've always dreamed of getting married by the water then just explain to the inlaws that this is what you can afford and that your parents cut their list to help out and now they need to do the same or somehow maybe kick in. If FH isn't up for that then you have to leave the ball in his court with his family but dont compromise on what you've dreamed of because you will regret it.![]()
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Re: I don't want a huge wedding!
I don't think you are being selfish AT ALL!!!. If your IL's are willing to help you guys with the added costs of having an extra 80 ppl at your wedding then fine. If not then simply tell them what you told us. They can't expect to make demands about what you should or shouldn't do when they aren't paying for it. It's not fair for your parents to not invite who they want and they are the one's helping you guys pay for it. What does FH think? Ohh, I think inviting more ppl just for the presents is a bad idea. It's a celebration not an investment. Don't invite more than you can afford. Do it your way. JMO.![]()
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Re: I don't want a huge wedding!
I don't think you're being selfish! We're only having about 120 people bc that's all we can afford. Everybody just has to understand that. Eventhough you might get the $ back from your guests, you still have to afford to pay for them first!! Do you think your FIL will offer money to pay for their 140 people?
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Re: I don't want a huge wedding!
You are not selfish. I totally understand wanting to have a smaller wedding, where you will know everyone. I'm kind of amazed that they would ask you to pick a less expensive place, so that you can invite people they don't know! If your future in laws are not helping to pay for all of those people then they should cut the list down. Good luck!
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Re: I don't want a huge wedding!
I do not think you are being selfish. This is your wedding. You should have everything you have ever dreamed of. I think you need to justbe firm with what you want. If your FH's family want all these people, then maybe they can pay for the cost of them. Have they offered? If not, ultimately, I think you have the final say since you and your family are paying for it. Best of luck.
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Re: I don't want a huge wedding!
i agree... if your FIL's want to invite these people... they should have to pay for them!!
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Re: I don't want a huge wedding!
You are definitely NOT being selfish. There has to be some limits set. Tell them you are willing to pay/can afford X amount of people. If there are people that they really think NEED to be invited, then ask for them to contribute money. That's what FI and I are doing. I'm also setting some limits as to who's invited. For example, if there is someone I have NEVER met (or in some cases even hear of!) in the 4 years we've been dating, then they obviously aren't very close and therefore do not need to come to our wedding. i don't know if that's selfish of me...but I mean, come on...there were at least 3 names that came up that I NEVER EVEN HEARD OF!!!! let alone met! that to me is not someone that needs to be at my wedding....Hi..nice to meet you. welcome to my wedding!? no way. ![]()
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Re: I don't want a huge wedding!
i do not think you are being selfish at all
it is you're wedding day not their's
IMO if they want to invite all these people tell them to cough up some CASH!!![]()
since you're parents you and fh are paying for it. or you can just do it the nice way and give them a limit as to how many people they can invite
say you only want 100 people at you're wedding then 50 from you're side including friends and fam and 50 from his side including friends and fam
it is you're wedding day not their's
IMO if they want to invite all these people tell them to cough up some CASH!!
since you're parents you and fh are paying for it. or you can just do it the nice way and give them a limit as to how many people they can invite
say you only want 100 people at you're wedding then 50 from you're side including friends and fam and 50 from his side including friends and fam
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Re: I don't want a huge wedding!
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Re: I don't want a huge wedding!
You're not being selfish at all. I'm in your situation EXACTLY.
FH are 90% sure we're just gonna screw everyone and invite closest family/friends to Key West...rent a house for a week and have a GREAT wedding.
an adaptation of LP's famous saying... Our day, our way!
Yes, it's going to be hard to hold our ground, we both have huge families, but it's worth it.
Best of luck w/ any decisions you have to make.
FH are 90% sure we're just gonna screw everyone and invite closest family/friends to Key West...rent a house for a week and have a GREAT wedding.
an adaptation of LP's famous saying... Our day, our way!
Yes, it's going to be hard to hold our ground, we both have huge families, but it's worth it.
Best of luck w/ any decisions you have to make.
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Re: I don't want a huge wedding!
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Re: I don't want a huge wedding!
Posted by Capulet72
I dont think your being selfish. If you've always dreamed of getting married by the water then just explain to the inlaws that this is what you can afford and that your parents cut their list to help out and now they need to do the same or somehow maybe kick in. If FH isn't up for that then you have to leave the ball in his court with his family but dont compromise on what you've dreamed of because you will regret it.![]()
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I agree with you capulet....that seems like the best things to do.
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Re: I don't want a huge wedding!
Posted by gNi1125
Ohh, I think inviting more ppl just for the presents is a bad idea. It's a celebration not an investment. Don't invite more than you can afford. Do it your way. JMO.![]()
I feel the same way. I told FH that I want to spend a set amount that we afford and the amount that if every single person who came gave us nothing except the gift of their company, I would still have no regrets.
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Re: I don't want a huge wedding!
Who is the wedding for anyway? What does it mean? Stand your ground and good luck. I would go to the islands and elope, then nobody has a say except the two of you!
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Re: I don't want a huge wedding!
Posted by SuzBride
Thank you all SO SO SO much! I feel so much better - well not about the whole list issue but more that I am not being a selfish brat.
I've only been engaged for a few weeks and already I feel like my wedding is turning into everyone else's wedding! My problem is I am such a People Pleaser - but I am trying really hard to speak up for myself (I pretty much have to because I can't make that money appear out of nowhere to pay for those extra 50+ people!)
I told FH that we need to set a limit of people per side. We'll see how FFIL and FMIL take it (btw they haven't volunteered to help with the money situation). I think they realized that I was pretty upset because halfway through the conversation I had to excuse myself to 'use the bathroom' - really I was having a mini-nervous breakdown and trying to remember why I gave up on the eloping idea!
You definitely aren't selfish. We set a limit based on what my parents (who are most generously paying for the wedding) could afford. If they want additional guests then they can pay for those guests. We have the same policy for the photographer. We're doing a cheaper package without parent albums or multiple DVDs. If FFIL wants any of the extras they can pay for them.
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Re: I don't want a huge wedding!
you aren't selfish at all - i would figure what you can pay for - make it an equal amount for both sides - then tell the parents if they want more than that they have to pay for those guests
It is really hard trying to figure out the guest list - it is always a bettle -
my parents are paying for the wedding - which is great - and they are great about cutting the list because we fellin love with a place that was on the smaller side for us - but my FMIL is not willing to cut at all - which is not fair to me at all - and she verbally invited these people - they already booked hotel rooms which to me is not right
you will see everyone has a problem some where with the guest list
GOod luck - you are not selfish at all - look through the 04 old posts or 05 and you will find these problems - you sshould have what you want and don't go into debt - not everyone gives $250 - especially in this ecomomy
It is really hard trying to figure out the guest list - it is always a bettle -
my parents are paying for the wedding - which is great - and they are great about cutting the list because we fellin love with a place that was on the smaller side for us - but my FMIL is not willing to cut at all - which is not fair to me at all - and she verbally invited these people - they already booked hotel rooms which to me is not right
you will see everyone has a problem some where with the guest list
GOod luck - you are not selfish at all - look through the 04 old posts or 05 and you will find these problems - you sshould have what you want and don't go into debt - not everyone gives $250 - especially in this ecomomy
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Re: I don't want a huge wedding!
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Re: I don't want a huge wedding!
I don't think you're being selfish at all...if your FIL's want to invite all these people then have them help you pay for the wedding...otherwise stick to your guns and do what YOU want to do...no one should tell you what you have to do...esp on YOUR wedding day
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Re: I don't want a huge wedding! - Sorry so long but want to help
Hi! :) I am an '05er but was cruising your board. Hope that's ok.
I wanted you to know I was in the EXACT same boat as you. Wanted a smallish wedding, with just under 200 people (have big italian family, so thought I was being reasonable).
I now have an invite list of 302.
Let me say that again - 302. 102 more people than I wanted.![]()
Let me also say this - in the beginning, my FH thought a lot like your FH. And I thought a lot like you. But with just a month and a half left, I have learned a couple of things from my experience, so for what they are worth, let me share.
Not everyone you invite shows up. My FH was right on that one, even though I had nightmares that they all would. So, you should invite a few more than you want there - you will be surprised at the number of people who say no.
That being said - you should definitely stick up for what you want. I did my best, and although I lost a little, had I not stood up at all, there would have been 500 people on the list. The invite list is, for most people, the hardest thing you will negotiate. The most important thing is for you and your FH to present a united front. My FH didn't understand what I was worried about, until I said - it has nothing to do with the numbers - I, as the bride, will get the brunt of it if 300 friggin' people ain't happy, and 200 just sounds like something I could handle, whereas 300 sounds out of control. Once he got that - he worked with me and cut our parents down when they asked for extra invites, and made them promise to pay for the extras that show up. My failure to speak up sooner led us both to concentrate on pleasing our parents instead of coming up with what made US happy. A mistake I surely won't repeat in our marriage.
The most important thing is for you and FH to have a united front with both sets of parents. So talk it out, and decide on a number you're both comfortable with. If you can do that, you'll figure out the rest.
I hope I don't sound preachy - I am not trying to be. It's just that we JUST figured this out right before we sent our invites - after months of pressure and stress from our parents. Thought I might save you the time. Good luck!!!!![]()
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I wanted you to know I was in the EXACT same boat as you. Wanted a smallish wedding, with just under 200 people (have big italian family, so thought I was being reasonable).
I now have an invite list of 302.
Let me say that again - 302. 102 more people than I wanted.
Let me also say this - in the beginning, my FH thought a lot like your FH. And I thought a lot like you. But with just a month and a half left, I have learned a couple of things from my experience, so for what they are worth, let me share.
Not everyone you invite shows up. My FH was right on that one, even though I had nightmares that they all would. So, you should invite a few more than you want there - you will be surprised at the number of people who say no.
That being said - you should definitely stick up for what you want. I did my best, and although I lost a little, had I not stood up at all, there would have been 500 people on the list. The invite list is, for most people, the hardest thing you will negotiate. The most important thing is for you and your FH to present a united front. My FH didn't understand what I was worried about, until I said - it has nothing to do with the numbers - I, as the bride, will get the brunt of it if 300 friggin' people ain't happy, and 200 just sounds like something I could handle, whereas 300 sounds out of control. Once he got that - he worked with me and cut our parents down when they asked for extra invites, and made them promise to pay for the extras that show up. My failure to speak up sooner led us both to concentrate on pleasing our parents instead of coming up with what made US happy. A mistake I surely won't repeat in our marriage.
The most important thing is for you and FH to have a united front with both sets of parents. So talk it out, and decide on a number you're both comfortable with. If you can do that, you'll figure out the rest.
I hope I don't sound preachy - I am not trying to be. It's just that we JUST figured this out right before we sent our invites - after months of pressure and stress from our parents. Thought I might save you the time. Good luck!!!!
