I feel like such a loser!

I just got a phone call tonight, from an old high school friend. I haven't spoken to her since graduation. Heard things about her from her mother and sisters every so often, but she moved to Virginia and is going to school there.

So she calls to say she's finishing her Masters and working for a big shot at one of these global telephone/internet companies. And how they are launching new technology that's gonna change the world and how she's gonna double her salary within the year. At first I thought she was trying to sell me something. But I guess she just needed to brag.

Then she asks me what I've been up to, and I felt like I needed to lie. I mean, my life isn't bad, but I could be doing so much better. When she was going on and on about school and her apartment I felt like a failure. I dropped out of community college when I had my first son at 19 and I've never gone back. I've taken a class here and there, but I'm years from getting even an associates degree. If everything works out money wise after the wedding, I'd like to take a class in the fall.

Then when I compared her job to mine, I wanted to die. I like my job, it suits me, but I don't make a lot of money. Basically my FH who did finish college with a BA supports us. My paycheck barely covers the food and utilities. If it weren't for mine and my FH's family I don't even know were I'd be. I certainly wouldn't be able to make it on my own, like her.

She wants to meet up and see my kids and FH before the weeks out, but I don't want to see her. I don't look like I did in High School and from what I remember she was always so...perfect. I think I'd get so depressed knowing that could have been me if...

Then just to push my buttons, my grandmother calls to tell me about my cousins. One who plays for a professional basketball team in Spain and the other who just opened up a restaurant in Colorado. Then she goes on to tell me how everyone has been asking about us and the wedding and how they think we should move to Florida (where my family is from). These people pretend to care so much, yet most replied no to coming to our wedding.

Anyway, I just want to be doing so much more with my life. And time is just flying by. You know, I love my children, but having them really changed...a lot! Sometimes I feel like such a bad FW and mother when I get jealous of my childless, single friends who can do so much more than me. And I get angry at those who don't take advantage of it.

Oh well, that's life right?

Rant over.

Aw, you're a mom and that is a GREAT thing! That is something you can totally be proud of. But if you do feel like you need more in your life, then you should go back to school once money is less tight. You need to be happy with your life, and if you want to do something extra to feel more fulfilled, then by all means go for it! You can't compare yourself to others. So many girls my age on this site make so much more $$$ than my FH and I do. We can't go on vacations, or buy a home, or even pay for our own wedding (I'm lucky I have generous parents). We're in grad school, and it's a choice we made. Sometimes I think there are so many more successful people my age, but I took a different route, And I'll get there someday. It may not be with money, but I'll be happy with my career. You took a different route from your friend, but it doesn't mean you can't change things. Go back to school if you want to. Sorry so long, I just know how you feel.

you are getting married and are a mom, that is something to be proud of.

like glinda sais, you cant compare yourself to others. yes this other girl has things that you do not, but yet you have things that she doesnt; comparisions arent really in order in this situation. do what you can to make things better for yourself, but enjoy life as well.

First of all, Emily, keep your chin up.

First the kick in the a$$:
There are a lot of people who would trade the world for what you have! A loving FH, a great child (who I assume is healthy) and enough money to keep a roof over your heads. There are people who try for years, spend hundreds of thousands of dollars and ruin their marriages trying to get pregnant. Some people are too sick to work or have children whose illnesses don't allow them to work. You have a warm bed to sleep in, a roof over your head, food in your belly and you live in a place where you are safe. I'm guessing that 90% of the world doesn't have what you do.

Now for the nice part:
Things will get better! There is nothing you and your family can't or won't have if you are willing to work and wait. Comparisons (both self and family imposed) are an unfortunate part of being your own person. Don't let people bother you. You should be proud of what you have and don't let ANYONE make you feel like you aren't enough or don't have enough. Your life has just taken a different path than those of your friend and your cousins. Not better, not worse, just different. I envy you for having had your child young. My kids won't have the opportunity to know the young mom your son does (at best I'll be 32 when I have my first).

If you want to see your old friend, you should. When she is telling you about the great things in her life, hug your child, stare at your handsome fiance' and tell her about the great things in yours.

Good luck!!!!!

I've always subscribed to the fact that everything is not what it seems. She could appear to 'have everything' but really she may not be happy inside.

You were happy until you spoke to her. I think you should meet up with her and keep these things in mind. The grass is always greener.

Tell her about all of your plans going forward. This will also help motivate you.

Being a mother is quite an accomplishment. I bet she feels a little jealous about that even if she doesn't say it. I know many women who really want a family are envious of those who already do.

Remember, sometimes people feel the need to brag about their accomplishments to fill a void inside. A high paying job does not equal happiness or even job satisfaction.

to you. I think each person needs to determine what they feel they need to accomplish to be successful. For some, they measure success in money and power, while other measure success as how many lives they have touched or the love they have given. It is all personal.

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Posted by SuzBride

Remember, sometimes people feel the need to brag about their accomplishments to fill a void inside. A high paying job does not equal happiness or even job satisfaction.

to you. I think each person needs to determine what they feel they need to accomplish to be successful. For some, they measure success in money and power, while other measure success as how many lives they have touched or the love they have given. It is all personal.

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So true, couldn't have said it better

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Posted by SPITSBRIDE

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Posted by SuzBride

Remember, sometimes people feel the need to brag about their accomplishments to fill a void inside. A high paying job does not equal happiness or even job satisfaction.

to you. I think each person needs to determine what they feel they need to accomplish to be successful. For some, they measure success in money and power, while other measure success as how many lives they have touched or the love they have given. It is all personal.

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So true, couldn't have said it better

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this is EXACTLY what I was going to say! Sometimes it's hard not to wonder what it would be like if you have made other decisions in your life...but remember the grass is always greener!

My life on paper sounds pretty impressive - married, living abroad, we get to travel lots, decent job, just bought our own place....but the reality is I'm terribly homesick and cannot wait to move back home so we can have a baby (did I mention my nagging baby fever?), I hate to fly, I'm bored at work and we keep discovering new stuff that's wrong with our house - basically the walls are falling in!

Feel better?

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Posted by usuk2004

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Posted by SPITSBRIDE

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Posted by SuzBride

Remember, sometimes people feel the need to brag about their accomplishments to fill a void inside. A high paying job does not equal happiness or even job satisfaction.

to you. I think each person needs to determine what they feel they need to accomplish to be successful. For some, they measure success in money and power, while other measure success as how many lives they have touched or the love they have given. It is all personal.

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So true, couldn't have said it better

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this is EXACTLY what I was going to say! Sometimes it's hard not to wonder what it would be like if you have made other decisions in your life...but remember the grass is always greener!

My life on paper sounds pretty impressive - married, living abroad, we get to travel lots, decent job, just bought our own place....but the reality is I'm terribly homesick and cannot wait to move back home so we can have a baby (did I mention my nagging baby fever?), I hate to fly, I'm bored at work and we keep discovering new stuff that's wrong with our house - basically the walls are falling in!



Feel better?

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's to you both!

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Posted by SuzBride

Remember, sometimes people feel the need to brag about their accomplishments to fill a void inside. A high paying job does not equal happiness or even job satisfaction.

to you. I think each person needs to determine what they feel they need to accomplish to be successful. For some, they measure success in money and power, while other measure success as how many lives they have touched or the love they have given. It is all personal.

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I agree. My best friend is doing so well in her career, and often brags to me about her job and money, but in reality she would give it all up to find a man that loves her. It's actually almost harder because she has a great job making amazing money with a BS, and I have the same degree plus and master's and doctorate but settled for less money because relocating is hard once you are married. My point is, no matter how much education or money you have, there will be people who try to make you feel small. The problems aren't yours, they are within that person. Usually having to brag means that they feel insecure about themselves and their own lives.

That said, getting PG so early you did miss out on a lot of living, but it is never too late! Go to school, take online classes, make it work if that is what you want. It's never too late, and Dutchess has a wonderful online Associate's degree program which I would recommend. No one can make you feel like a loser, only you can. When you are happy, nothing anyone says can make you insecure or unhappy about your life. Figure out what you need to change to make yourself feel proud, and work to make that happen. Good luck!

JMO but people who call and brag about things like money and jobs are usually VERY jealous about people who have children and adoring FH. She may very well be thinking the same things about herself when she speaks to you!

Just another perspective!
You are definately not a loser- my mom went back to school to get her degree when we were in grade school and then got her master's when I was in HS. She is definately not a loser and neither are you- you are so young and have so much ahead of you!

People are just soooo damn RUDE!

Don't let HER bother you! People who seem perfect are not!

Don't ever compare yourself to other people, only compare yourself to your past self and see how you improved.

I was friends with this girl who had it all, looks, intelligence, money, my dream job (at the time) and of course every guy was in love with her. Plus she was super sweet, so you couldn't even hate her. But I was a little jealous of how things would always work out for her and how great things were going for her.

She got engaged to a wonderful guy. Two months later she was diagnosed with leukemia and she died a month later. It was the saddest thing.

I learned never to compare myself to other people and also to never be jealous of others, it isn't worth it.