hi girls- i feel like i am forever asking stuff on here- sorry!!
anyway- my college roommate, kim, always thought she would be my moh. she just broke up with her bf of 4 years (he was a jerk) .
now she has this new bf who I CAN'T STAND and neither can FH. she acts like a totally diff. person around him- they are always all over each other, he calls everyone 'dude' and 'bro'...obnoxious. plus she is totally nonresponsive about wedding stuff- all she said about my ring was 'how big is the stone?' !!!!
anyway i don't want to invite her bf to my eparty but i know she will flip- i plan on telling her that it is because 1)i want her to be there and mingle with fh's family, 2) i will not be supportive of ANOTHER unhealthy relationship(her 4th in as many years) and 3)they always sit in the corner all over each other and it is uncomfortable!
am i wrong? at this point i feel like if this ends our relationship then so be it!!
TIA sorry so long!!
Noiva06
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Re: I have a bad friend- LONG!!!
See...this one I am not sure about...
How long has she been with this new boyfriend?
cindyandkevin
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Re: I have a bad friend- LONG!!!
Hmmm, tough one! Don't we hate to see our good friends turn bc of the guys they're with? All you can do is talk to her and maybe she'll see that she's not in a healthy relationship, esp since this seems to be a recurring problem with her. She could use a good friend like you to help her, but if she doesn't want to listen then there's nothing more you can do. You could not invite her bf and have her choose between you and him, tho that's not the nicest thing to do. If you really don't mind losing her as a friend then take the chance, but know that there's the very real possibility that this may ruin an otherwise good friendship. And don't be sorry about asking stuff on here, you know that's what we're for!
buggiegirl
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Re: I have a bad friend- LONG!!!
they have been dating since october- the day after she broke up with other bf... but have been exclusive since valentine's day.
we have only met him twice
LaurenluvsTJ
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Re: I have a bad friend- LONG!!!
Are you inviting your other friends with boyfriends? If you are, you can't just exclude hers because you don't like him.. however, you could tell her that their PDA's make you uncomfortable, maybe she doesnt realize.
buggiegirl
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Re: I have a bad friend- LONG!!!
the only bf''s or girlfriends we are inviting are those who are engaged, live together, or have been together for a LOOOOONG time...
LaurenluvsTJ
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Re: I have a bad friend- LONG!!!
Posted by buggiegirl
they have been dating since october- the day after she broke up with other bf... but have been exclusive since valentine's day.
we have only met him twice
If you have only met him twice, how do you know you don't like him? I think to meet someone twice is an awfully short amount of time to pass judgement on someone... especially if you only don't like that he calls everyone 'dude'... however if he was abusive to her, verbally or physically, then thats a different story.
Noiva06
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Re: I have a bad friend- LONG!!!
I think that you should definetely talk to her about it first and (IMO) I would switch your reasons as to why whenyou are explaning it to her....your reason #2, should be the first thing you bring up to her...you don't like their unhealthy relationship and because of that you don't want to support it...then go into all the other reasons.....
I mean, i think that this will definitely be an issue and I am almost positive that this will cause a fight between the two of you...but I would try to keep things calm between the two of you (and you will need to be the one who remains calm) and try to bring it to her in a loving way.....
if you are sure that you don't mind losing her a friend....but really think about this....don't say you don't care now and regret it later.....
i know i wasn't much help...but this is a tough situation!!! I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do.....
Edited for spelling
buggiegirl
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Re: I have a bad friend- LONG!!!
Posted by LaurenluvsTJ
Posted by buggiegirl
they have been dating since october- the day after she broke up with other bf... but have been exclusive since valentine's day.
we have only met him twice
If you have only met him twice, how do you know you don't like him? I think to meet someone twice is an awfully short amount of time to pass judgement on someone... especially if you only don't like that he calls everyone 'dude'... however if he was abusive to her, verbally or physically, then thats a different story.
1) he is always high and trips on mushrooms and etc- and he is a teacher 2) when we have been with him he constantly picks on me telling me i have to loosen up and etc. 3) he talks down to fh and i both 4)always talks about how much things cost and how much $ people make- makes us uncomfortable 5) touches her inappropriately- like touches her boobs in front of everyone 6) talks about how high the divorce rate is and etc whenever we talk about our wedding...
i could go on and on
ETA: plus since she has been with him she only calls once a week maybe- never even sent me a card when we got engaged- noone ever sees her- and she has basically forgotten everyone except when they get in a fight and then she calls crying!
JessicaM.
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Re: I have a bad friend- LONG!!!
Posted by LaurenluvsTJ
Posted by buggiegirl
they have been dating since october- the day after she broke up with other bf... but have been exclusive since valentine's day.
we have only met him twice
If you have only met him twice, how do you know you don't like him? I think to meet someone twice is an awfully short amount of time to pass judgement on someone... especially if you only don't like that he calls everyone 'dude'... however if he was abusive to her, verbally or physically, then thats a different story.
I have to go with Lauren on this one...talk to her about the PDA's (not the time or the place) and let her know that his invitation is CONDITIONAL. I think it may be especially hard for her since she has trouble finding the happiness you have found...try to be a little considerate- even if you don't approve of the person she is recieving consolation from. You obviously care for your friend, so on this one I would give the benefit of the doubt.
Personally, I would tell BOTH of them the ground rules because I am very outspoken. If he doesn't agree, then he doesn't have to come.
Good luck.
buggiegirl
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Re: I have a bad friend- LONG!!!
Posted by JessicaM.
Posted by LaurenluvsTJ
Posted by buggiegirl
they have been dating since october- the day after she broke up with other bf... but have been exclusive since valentine's day.
we have only met him twice
If you have only met him twice, how do you know you don't like him? I think to meet someone twice is an awfully short amount of time to pass judgement on someone... especially if you only don't like that he calls everyone 'dude'... however if he was abusive to her, verbally or physically, then thats a different story.
I have to go with Lauren on this one...talk to her about the PDA's (not the time or the place) and let her know that his invitation is CONDITIONAL. I think it may be especially hard for her since she has trouble finding the happiness you have found...try to be a little considerate- even if you don't approve of the person she is recieving consolation from. You obviously care for your friend, so on this one I would give the benefit of the doubt.
Personally, I would tell BOTH of them the ground rules because I am very outspoken. If he doesn't agree, then he doesn't have to come.
Good luck.
I don't know when I would tell them because they are always out with 'his friends'
CJStein
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Re: I have a bad friend- LONG!!!
We're going through the same thing right now...only the couple is engaged (total whirlwind romance, moved in together after 6 months, engaged in under a year.) Anyway, he is FH's old roommate and one of his bf's. Everyone HATES this woman. It's a really bad situation. Noone ever said anything b/c we didn't think it would last, and now they're getting married so all we can do is try and be happy for them and keep quiet during the ceremony when the priest asks if anyone objects...
So, it's up to you. We were chicken and never said anything to him, and now they are moving forward. You're damned if you do, damned if you don't. If you don't say something, if this relationship moves forward, you'll always hate her. If you do say somehting, you risk losing her friendship. Go with your gut feeling, it's a really crappy situation to be in.
