I have a bad friend- RP from 06

hi girls-
i feel like i am forever asking stuff on here- sorry!!

anyway- my college roommate, kim, always thought she would be my moh. she just broke up with her bf of 4 years (he was a jerk) .

now she has this new bf who I CAN'T STAND and neither can FH. she acts like a totally diff. person around him- they are always all over each other, he calls everyone 'dude' and 'bro'...obnoxious. plus she is totally nonresponsive about wedding stuff- all she said about my ring was 'how big is the stone?' !!!!

anyway i don't want to invite her bf to my eparty but i know she will flip- i plan on telling her that it is because 1)i want her to be there and mingle with fh's family, 2) i will not be supportive of ANOTHER unhealthy relationship(her 4th in as many years) and 3)they always sit in the corner all over each other and it is uncomfortable!

am i wrong? at this point i feel like if this ends our relationship then so be it!!

TIA sorry so long!!

I know what you are going through and you are not wrong at all to feel this way. I went throught a very similar situation and I thought she would change and I asked her to be my MOH. Well several months later things didn't get better they got worse and I haven't talked to her in months. Needless to say she is not in or invited to the wedding.

Go with your gut and be totally honest with her. If she is a real friend she will understand and respect your feelings.

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Posted by Kim&Dan

I know what you are going through and you are not wrong at all to feel this way. I went throught a very similar situation and I thought she would change and I asked her to be my MOH. Well several months later things didn't get better they got worse and I haven't talked to her in months. Needless to say she is not in or invited to the wedding.

Go with your gut and be totally honest with her. If she is a real friend she will understand and respect your feelings.

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thank you- i asked my cousin to be moh and how right i was!!

i think i am just having a hard time realizing that i have 'outgrown' our friendship (as fmil puts it)

I don't think you are wrong. Definitly talk to her and explain why you no longer feel comfortable and close enough with her to have in you bp. You don't want to just pick her to avoid conflict because in the end you will probably be kicking yourself for just picking her.
It is really important to pick somone who you feel very comfortable with and will support you and just be there for you even if you don't actually need their help with planning the wedding.

I picked 2 friends who are my oldest and i thought my closest friends and I have already regreted one of them. She is soooo uninterested and just doesn't seem to care. Half the time she is competeing with me about the whole weddign thing and I have often thought that I should just have just left it with my sisters or chosen another friend who constatntly askes if i need help or is actually excited about it. I always thought this was fun thing to share with you friends, yet it seems my bp doesn't want to share in the fun of looking at stores or or anything.

So in the end I think you should defintitly talk to her and tell her exactly how you feel. She may surprise you and agree with what you say and go back to being herself, the friend you have come to trust and love, or she may get pissed. But either way you were honest and you won't have to worry about inviting her to be in your bp just to avoid a conflict with her.

Good luck

wow! i was in the exact same situation last year. i had a best friend from HS who i roomed with in college, too... we were really close, but started to have some issues in college when we were rooming together. she can't stand my FH, and when she got married last summer i was in the wedding, she sent my invitation to me ' and guest' and didn't put FHs name on the invitation. it really hurt me.. but thats because we were engaged at the time, and who else would i want to bring to a wedding?? but i kind of see her point now though- if you are throwing a party and are uncomforatble with someone being there, you shouldn't invite them. i just wish she would have been more straightforward about not inviting him instead of kind of backhandedly not inviting him... does that make sense? i would have rather gotten an invitation to just me then the way she did it...
we arent friends anymore and its mostly because of this whole thing, and you know what? i'm not too sorry about it. at our age relationships get pretty serious and you really do have to like somebody's significant otherto stay friends with them... i mean the way i see it.. i'm marrying a guy she doesn't like- what are we gonna do? tip toe around that for the rest of our lives? always trying to arrange things so hes not around so shes not uncomfortable?? its not worth it. and i mean i guess it makes a difference that our friendship was kind of rocky before i met FH- she and i were always bickering about little stuff so to me i guess this was just an excuse to end the friendship for good. i guess you really have to think about your friendship with kim and how you feel about it and if its worth hanging on to....
good luck!

IMO, you should invite her out for lunch or coffee and talk to her one on one.

it sounds like this friend of yours has some major insecurity issues. X rated public displays of affection are alarm bells in my book.

That's just not good. it could be something serious with her... but you should definitely make it a point to find out.

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Posted by dleeny

IMO, you should invite her out for lunch or coffee and talk to her one on one.

it sounds like this friend of yours has some major insecurity issues. X rated public displays of affection are alarm bells in my book.

That's just not good. it could be something serious with her... but you should definitely make it a point to find out.

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she definitely does...and we have been through this before. it is always the same- she breaks up with bf, says all this stuff about empowering herself and being alone for a little while...and then 3 days later she has a new bf that she is totally absorbed with.

i think at this point i am pretty much done...

you can take a horse to water...

she definitely does...and we have been through this before. it is always the same- she breaks up with bf, says all this stuff about empowering herself and being alone for a little while...and then 3 days later she has a new bf that she is totally absorbed with.

i think at this point i am pretty much done...

you can take a horse to water...

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well it sounds to me like you've already made up your mind. Do what your gut tells you.

Outgrowing friendships is absolutely a part of life. It's just the way it is.

good luck

I don't think you are wrong to feel the way you do about your 'friend,' or her relationship - However, look at the situation from her end. - Your friend is getting married, having an engagement party, and telling you she's not inviting your new boyfriend b/c she doesn't like him ??? - If that were me, I'd tell my 'friend' to save her invitation ..........It's not up to you to choose her boyfriends, and whether or not you approve of him, it's not right to invite her w/o him. IMO.........
And if you do invite her w/o him, don't be surprised if she was extremely upset about it.

eta: -I just read your other posts: It sounds like you said, you have really 'outgrown' her, but I think the best way to let the friendship end is to just let it go gracefully, w/o a huge dramatic argument. - And from the way you've descirbed her, it seems that if you tell her she's invited w/o this new love of her life- it's going to turn into just that. - Drama.

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Posted by Marisa M

I don't think you are wrong to feel the way you do about your 'friend,' or her relationship - However, look at the situation from her end. - Your friend is getting married, having an engagement party, and telling you she's not inviting your new boyfriend b/c she doesn't like him ??? - If that were me, I'd tell my 'friend' to save her invitation ..........It's not up to you to choose her boyfriends, and whether or not you approve of him, it's not right to invite her w/o him. IMO.........
And if you do invite her w/o him, don't be surprised if she was extremely upset about it.

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I hear you, but this is OUR party- why should we have someone there that we don't like??

besides- i didn't feel the need to drag fh to things like that when we were 1st together- including her brother's wedding to which i was invited alone

You are right to leave you FH out of your issues w/ old friends. - And I understand the whole idea of not wanting certain people at YOUR party (or your wedding for that matter) But sometimes you just have to do what you have to do for the sake of keeping a friendship. I have a very close friend who is like family to me - I don't like this person's 'significant other' AT ALL . - but my friend is EXTREMELY important to me and I'd never to anything to hurt him/her. - So, I will tolerate this significant other for the sake of keeping my friend. - You know ?

But if you know your friendship is pretty much over anyway, and you're ok w/ that - save yourself the aggravation of dealing w/ this 'old friend' and her irritating boyfriend of the week. -