I have a BP dilemma (LONG)

Hi ladies I really need advice....i'm very torn and sad about what I'm about to tell you.

I have my 3 nieces (my only brother's daughters) in my bridal party. His 2 older daughters (12 and 14) are my junior bridemaids, they are his daughters from his first marriage. These are the two that I'm having issues with. Let me give you a little backround, they live in Mass. with their mother who is remarried and have 2 other siblings up there. My brother is remarried and has my third niece which is one of my FG's. He's done everything to remain in his two older daughters lives and not just be check every month. However, within the last 6 months since he's been having visition issues with their mother they've been giving him hell. This has put a bit of a strain on wedding planning because it's hard to know when they will be coming down to NY. A calendar was made and they came down 2 weeks in July, and are supposed to come down for Labor Day weekend, Thanksgiving weekend and my wedding.

The above being said, now they are telling my brother that they aren't coming Labor Day weekend. How does this affect me....well in terms of dresses and alterations. I made it clear to them that I needed them to come down that weekend so we could order thir dresses, so that by the time they come back in Nov. they can get fitted for alterations by my mom's friend. The next time they would see their dresses is the day before my wedding. They prmoised that they would, but now all of a sudden they've changed their minds and are giving my brother a hard time and being nasty about it at that.

I don't know what I should do....if I should keep them in or if I should take them out of the wedding party and make them readers. I want to email them and remind them of what they promised, and have them tell me if they would like to participate.

What do you girls think? It just makes me soo sad and angry. I'm just confused and while I would like to teach them a lesson in responbilty to family...at the same time I don't want to push them away.


Sorry for the long post.

P.S. Their mother has made it clear that she will not take them for measurements or anything like that so it's not like it's easy on that end.

is it the mom or the girls that are giving your brother a hard time about coming now for labor day?

I personally think I would take them out and make them readers. that's just me though - i didn't have much of a BP (just nieces/nephews and 1 sister) because i wouldn't want to deal with anyone acting like my wedding is a hassle or inconvenience to them.

My brothers family has had the same previous issues. I have decided not to include my neices who are 13 & 15 in the bridal party for this reason. They live in FL. I am going to get them corsages for the day of.

In your case I would not interfere with the children because it's probably the mother. I would ask your brother if you could call the mom on the phone & explain. If she doesn't answer I would talk on the machine & this way the children will hear & know it's the mothers fault.

I can just imagine the headache the stress of this must be giving you. If it were me, I could just cut them out. (But then again, that's where I am with people lately. They don't like it...ok...buh-bye!)
It's hard enough to plan all of this and keep the adults in order, but to deal with two tween egos would just push me over. I know it would really mean a lot to have your family there, and it's most likey the mom pushing the issue along. They will still be there to celebrate the day with you. If you let them just attend as guests, maybe that will dissolve the stress for everyone......

aww this s u c k s
I think you have no choice but to have them step down. They are still young so you will need to gently explain to them that you would have loved to have them be in the wedding but it just won't work out with the alterations. Don't leave a message on a machine because their mom might become spiteful, erase it and tell them 'Your aunt said you can't be in the wedding'
Try to be nice to the mom or something tells me she might pick a fight to have an excuse to make them stay home.

Take them out. I went to a wedding this weekend where the issue was the same but on the groom's side. The groom was running all over town hours before his wedding trying to get a tailor to alter his nephew's pants! Don't go through this!

Thank you ladies. this really has upset me soo much and has prob. been the most diffcult issue since FH and I got engaged. I've always dreamed that my nieces would be part of my wedding but it doesn't look like it will go that way.

You are all right....it's very stressful and I'm best making them my readers instead of having them in the BP.

I'll keep you ladies posted on what happens. I think right now I'm going to send all of the BP a Wedding update and re-iterate the labor day weekend timeline. We'll see if my nieces respond.

Again I'll keep you guys posted.

Thats a really tough situation. If you do decide to dump them, keep in mind that this could cause a whole other set of issues with them going forward...your brothers ex could hold it against him, your nieces may not forgive you, etc. It could give you more grief in the future than you bargained for

Sorry...good luck whatever you decide to do. Its an awful situation to be in.