I inherited an unwanted registry ...

I made a decision (and FH nodded) so we are not doing a registry. I don't know what I want, and I don't have time right now to thoroughly search for it. I figure people can give cash or certs instead, and our families seems okay with it.

But, I swear the minute we got engaged, FMIL gave a ton, literally a ton of stuff, to FH, filled up his little apartment with crap!

At least 5 different sets of old fancy china. Some is antique shop worthy, but I'm not a fan.

Linens and Sheets, old old stuff, she must have bought in the old coutry, high quality german wools, czech stuff, russian stuff, and such, but its butt ugly and the colors all look yellowed to me. None of it matches my taste. I'm more of a modern-classic...

FHs style is super modern, he likes leather, chrome, glass. I don't know why he agreed to hang on to this stuff. He doesn't really care, excpet he doesn't want to make his mom feel bad.

But I don't know how to handle the situtation. I don't know if I am allowed to sell it, or donate it.
Really we just don't have the room in tiny NYC apartment.

I can't really speak to her, her english isn't great, and FH usually is the middle man.

I'm just confused as to how to handle this delicatley. FH's parents are new immigrants and little cash strapped, but they are super proud, so forget doing them any favors. I'm just annoyed that they didn't think to sell this junk for themselves!

I think it was nice of them to give that to you as a gift. I think that was their way of kind of passing on their heirlooms and treasures from their homeland onto you. I think its a sweet gesture, but if it really doesn't fit your style I would say pack it up and put it somewhere for the time being. This way if they want to see it in your house at some point you can pull it out. I would wait a while before you get rid of it. Maybe you can post pics of the stuff and some of us may buy it?? I love old vintage looking items, so I may be interested if you want to sell any.

Your FH is the only one in the family who they can pass it on to?

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Posted by Future_Farrell

I think it was nice of them to give that to you as a gift. I think that was their way of kind of passing on their heirlooms and treasures from their homeland onto you. I think its a sweet gesture, but if it really doesn't fit your style I would say pack it up and put it somewhere for the time being. This way if they want to see it in your house at some point you can pull it out. I would wait a while before you get rid of it. Maybe you can post pics of the stuff and some of us may buy it?? I love old vintage looking items, so I may be interested if you want to sell any.

Your FH is the only one in the family who they can pass it on to?

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I'm with you on this.... don't get rid of it yet, it will do nothing but hurt feelings.. If you do get rid of it post it here or Ebay... I myself am always on the hunt for quality vintage stuff from Russia or Romania. Even though you guys are into modern is there a piece that you could display here and there as maybe a conversation piece? I know FH has his den and it is Modern... but our living room is more gothic old world europe... Different rooms different looks?

Yes, I am sort of intrigued now lol I love old vintage stuff :-X but my mom would kill me if I bought any more stuff. She already had to give up part of her kitchen storage to hold some items I have purchased for our house so far lol
Let us know :)

Can you tell her that you love the stuff, but have no room in your apartment to keep everything. Can she store everything at her place and you'll take it when you move to something bigger???

This is pretty funny timing, the NYTimes today has an article called 'The Tyranny of the Heirloom'. You can check out what others have done in a VERY similar situation!!!!

Tyranny

we're sort of in the same boat - we originally didn't want to have a registry because we live in a tiny apartment too so we just don't have any space at all!

we decided to have a honeymoon registry instead because so many ppl were asking if we had a registry and this was the best way for us to communicate that we do not want any household stuff

i understand where ur coming from - FH's family is eastern european and very difft culture - but I wouldn't feel bad telling FH to hint to them that you don't really want those items - otherwise just give em away

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Posted by ronnysbride

Can you tell her that you love the stuff, but have no room in your apartment to keep everything. Can she store everything at her place and you'll take it when you move to something bigger???

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I don't think she wants them at all. Regardless of the room that she has in her apartment. I think their style is different from the stuff they were given.

Don't knock the old stuff. Most of it is of a better quality than the new stuff you get today.
Old German girl here, and I have linens I inherited from my grandmother and great-aunt, stuff that is about 90 years old. I still have my wool comforter from when I was a child. Unfortunately it is twin sized, but I still love using it to snuggle on the couch.

For the textiles that are yellowed, you can easily brighten them up by soaking them in OxyClean for a little while then washing as usual.

It probably made your FMIL very happy to give you this stuff. Respect her European ways.
My mom had started a dowry for me, and I was happy to have these things when I got married. She wasn't here anymore to give it to me, but I treasure what she did save for me.
If you really don't want the things your FMIL gave you then try to find someone that will take it.

There is an eBay vendor, Touch of Europe, that sells old linens, she may buy them from you.

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Posted by SusiBtoM

Don't knock the old stuff. Most of it is of a better quality than the new stuff you get today.
Old German girl here, and I have linens I inherited from my grandmother and great-aunt, stuff that is about 90 years old. I still have my wool comforter from when I was a child. Unfortunately it is twin sized, but I still love using it to snuggle on the couch.

For the textiles that are yellowed, you can easily brighten them up by soaking them in OxyClean for a little while then washing as usual.

It probably made your FMIL very happy to give you this stuff. Respect her European ways.
My mom had started a dowry for me, and I was happy to have these things when I got married. She wasn't here anymore to give it to me, but I treasure what she did save for me.
If you really don't want the things your FMIL gave you then try to find someone that will take it.

There is an eBay vendor, Touch of Europe, that sells old linens, she may buy them from you.

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That is nice, but if the stuff doesn't really hold any sentimental value for the Bride and the Groom then why should they keep it?

Like I said, they should maybe try to find another family member to give it to or if they want to, sell it. I would just make sure FH doesn't want to hold onto it to pass it on down to his kids, before they get rid of it.

I do agree that the quality is probably better than anything you can get nowadays, but some people just like a more modern look.

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Posted by Future_Farrell
Your FH is the only one in the family who they can pass it on to?

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OKAY, I admit this is maybe th real issue...

My FH has an older brother, but his wife is a strong willed BIATCH and wont take the crap.

I'm the nice one lol

FMIL secretly told FH that she likes me more, sorry but I feel like gloating in that for a little bit .. lol

But jeez I don't want her crap...

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Posted by Colette

This is pretty funny timing, the NYTimes today has an article called 'The Tyranny of the Heirloom'. You can check out what others have done in a VERY similar situation!!!!

Tyranny

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Thats a great article! I'm sending it to FH ASAP!

I think this is the problem with not having a registry. I said this to my sister. She is pregnant with twins, second child but 8 yrs later, has money and doesn't want a shower. I think people will still buy gifts and advised her to register other wise you end up with unwanted items that are useless to you and dup that have to be returned. One of my registries was online, so I didn't even have to leave home for it

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Posted by yswedding

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Posted by Future_Farrell
Your FH is the only one in the family who they can pass it on to?

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OKAY, I admit this is maybe th real issue...

My FH has an older brother, but his wife is a strong willed BIATCH and wont take the crap.

I'm the nice one lol

FMIL secretly told FH that she likes me more, sorry but I feel like gloating in that for a little bit .. lol

But jeez I don't want her crap...

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I think that you should keep it somewhere... anywhere. I feel as if she would be insulted if you showed you did not want it. To her...this is her history that she is passing on to you.

Things could be worse...she could hate you and fight all the time and have the MIL from HEL!

While I'm sure there is real sentiment in giving you the items, I totally understand what you mean by receiving all of these items you don't want. (The same exact thing happened to us and when I told my mom to stop giving/buying us stuff she flipped out and called us ungrateful, etc. etc. I'd say you have a few options.

1. Have a garage sale (that's actually what I'm doing right now, I've got my laptop outside).
2. Give it away to the Salvation Army, etc.
3. Give it to someone you know who will appreciate it more.

I would definitely save some things, like maybe a set of china, because that is the kind of thing that would hold a lot of personal value to save, but overall you don't have space and that's always the best excuse for giving anything away. Even if they get angry, what can they do when you have no place to put those things?