I KNEW this would happen at some point..... (long)

We are not having children at our wedding. We're having a night wedding, and I made it very clear to all at the beginning (actually even prior to) of our engagement that I did NOT want children at our wedding.......Which is not a huge deal, because I don't have any children close to me besides my 14 year old cousin that would come anyways.

Well I have cousins coming from the mid-west that all have young children, between the ages of 2 and 6. About 4 years ago they came out for another wedding, and one of them brought their 6 month old to the wedding, and made the comment to me 'wow, I didn't realize out here people don't bring children to weddings'. I said that's true....

So, my mom has made it clear to all of them they were invited, but not the children, and she would supply a babysitting service for them. All good, nobody had any complaints. Mom finally found a babysitter for the 4 children (between 2 sets of cousins - 2 kids each), and sent an email to my aunt saying this, who forwarded it to the cousins....and apparently the one cousin emailed my mom back and said that sounded good, find with them.

So YESTERDAY, I got the RSVP from this cousin..... And it says # Attending - 4! Mr. and Mrs. X and family!! Now, I only addressed it to them, this was made perfectly clear....so I'm like, what the f&%$??

Called mom right away asking what the heck is up with that. She's confused and says, well I'm sure that just means they're all coming out here, but she knows only the 2 of them are invited to the wedding.......So now I'm like, well, you better make sure of that because when I see '# Attending 4' and the words 'plus family' on a wedding RSVP - I take that as who's coming to the wedding. What, did they think this was the invitaion to New York in general??

I can't tell if I'm more pissed off, or confused....... If she actually did RSVP that all 4 of them are coming to the WEDDING, then I'm pissed off. But if she meant that's who's coming to NY...and only they are coming to the wedding......then I'm confused as to why someone would be so stupid as to RSVP that way.

Sorry, just had to vent!

trust me i know the feeling. my DH's brother in colorado--she changed the '2' we put on their RSVP to a '7'!!!!!!!!!!! (they wanted to bring their 5 kids)

in the end no one came, but that was their problem. we made it clear ahead of time, and they agreed, but when it comes down to it, they hoped we would cave and we didn't . it wouldnt' have been fair to the rest of the family who weren't allowed to bring their kids.

DEFINITELY have your mom or you call them ASAP to verify that they know the kids are NOT allowed to come. trust me, this is a slick trick. they will get here and suddenly it will be 'oh well i thought we could bring the kids...and i'm not sure if i want someone else watching my children.' etc. etc. so clear it up NOW to make sure there is no confusion

Maybe she thinks that the kids will babysat at the wedding, you never know how some people will constue (sp?) things. If you don't spell it out for them they can turn it anyway they want it! Good Luck, hope it works out for you!

You have every right to vent.

I think in other areas, it is customary to bring the kids too--baby and all! You made it clear that this was going to be a 'no kids' wedding though.

I would call (or have mom call) to clarify their RSVP. If they have no intention on actually bringing the kids to the wedding though, why would they RSVP for all of them???

nip it in the bud or butt or whatever the saying is asap! i dont know who would put 4 ATTENDING meaning that theyre only coming to NY and not to your wedding.

this is why people elope!!!

i hope everything works out for you!

This is what I'm worried about... FH and I are also opting out of children except for children we know and are close to ( dangerous grounds, I know) but if I haven't seen a person in a couple years, let alone see their kids, I'm sorry - but the kids just aren't on the list.

People use RSVPs to override what you say to them even if you make it crystal clear...I really hope it works out. I would have your mom shoot her a quick email just to make sure...

yeah... the midwest sees wedding VERY different from us New Yorkers. Back in 1969 when my parents got married she had relatives coming from western Pennsylvania who brought their THREE children and gave them a total of 15 dollars.

I dont think other parts of the country realize how expensive weddings get in these parts.

I would call your cousin. If anything I would be pissed b/c it seems like she (or he?) ignored your request and that is just disrespectful.

I am inviting all the kids cuz I am having a day wedding and I am having kids in my bridal party but I think that is soooooo freakinnn rude to do that when it doesn't say and family on the invite. People just don't understand.

OMG! I know the same thing is going to happen to me. I swear I will tell my catering hall not to let them come in if they have children. That pisses me off!

I know how you feel. Same thing happened to me.

I am sure that she meant who was coming in general since there were babysitting services offered and arranged she probably wanted to alert that the kids were traveling with them. Its odd but they could have thought that by not saying the kids were coming you might have canceled the babysitter or something like that.

You have a right to be annoyed, upset, confused, but dont stress out too much, i am sure there really is a simple explanation.