i have read a couple of posts where people are upset that they invited so-and-so to an engagement party, or bridal shower, or wedding, and those guests weren't able to come for whatever reason, and the posters were mad because they didn't get a card or a gift.
on a side note, i don't think any of the posters were being greedy or selfish, they just thought the event should have been acknowledged.
i have to say that anytime i've been invited to an event, for anyone, if i can't go, i don't send a card or gift, unless it's a super close friend or relative. it wasn't until i got engaged that i realized what a *serious* breach of etiquette this is.
there were several people invited to my shower that didn't come, and only a handful sent a gift. but then again, i wasn't expecting one. i guess i am just trying to say that maybe we shouldn't judge those who don't send a card or gift to acknowledge the event - maybe they honestly didn't know they were supposed to!
HeatherRose
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I have to say, that I think a few years ago I didn't realize that this is 'what you do' send if a gift if your invited and can't make it.. But I do pratice it now.. I don't always give what I would have If attened, but I think its a nice gesture.. And as for my bridal shower, I recieved a gift from everyone that did not attend except 1 person, and My mother was so mad, she doesn't want me to invite them to the wedding! I didn't listen to her, because I know that some people don't believe in this, and thats perfectly okay not to send a gift...
HamptonsBride
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I could care less about not getting anything from those who couldn't attent, i don't beleieve it's necessary ...(even if I did send gifts for their showers that I couldn't make...haha)..it's the people that CAME to the wedding & couldn't even bother with a CARD that get me! (i understand no gift when you are paying to travel & stay in a hotel)
But how hard is it to write 'congrats!' in a card...when i gave blank notecards as the FAVOR at the wedding...that does annoy me...especially since it's DH's family...i did however send those guests a TY note..hehe...saying thanks for coming...
B22
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Re: i know i'm going to get flamed for this...
Bridal Shower I would send a gift if I couldn't attend.
Engagement party... nope. maybe send a card
I've thought about it.... and I'm changing my wedding answer... actually... IIve never really declined a wedding invite so I don't know if I would send a gift or not. I guess I would if it was a close friend or family member. I would definitely send a card...
Personally, I think engagement parties are ridiculous. (Especially when there is a registry for them.)
Unless it's something low key like close family getting together for dinner. again-- just my own opinion.
DNicholes
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I always send a gift if I can't attend shower or wedding......I won't give the same amount I would normally send for wedding if I had attended but would give something still.
That's how I was always taught.....
I think it's worse when those people are part of your family and don't send even a card....my cousin got married last year, we gave a very nice amount and he couldn't come to mine and I got nothing....not even a card. I got nothing from his wife for my shower, where as I sent a gift when i couldn't come to hers.
In my opinion, I think at our age, we should know what proper etiquette is.....but that's just me.
rkl1130
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I have to admit, I was doing the same thing.
Unless it was a close friend or family, if I could not attend then I would send a gift. Otherwise, I wouldn't send anything. I didn't realize until I started wedding planning that this was a breach of etiquette.
TnOiOnL
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I never expect a gift whether people COME or NOT. I don't throw parties for gifts. I throw them for what they are- company & good times. So I personally don't care about that.
as far as 'etiquette' is concerned, I DO send gifts or cards now if I can't attend. And that's mainly because of my own personal parties, and receiving gifts from people who did not attend.
It's all part of GROWING UP
Future Mulligan
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sometimes people don't attend events they are invited to because they can't afford the gift in the first place.
BNBride60
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I agree. Now, I would definitely send a gift if I couldn't make the wedding or shower. But in the past, I can't say I've done that, simply because I had no idea!!!
Lemons
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Posted by Future Mulligan
sometimes people don't attend events they are invited to because they can't afford the gift in the first place.
I agree!
kahlua716
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Posted by rkl1130
I have to admit, I was doing the same thing.
Unless it was a close friend or family, if I could not attend then I would send a gift. Otherwise, I wouldn't send anything. I didn't realize until I started wedding planning that this was a breach of etiquette.
Me too....and I never did and still don't expect people who decline an invitation to send me a gift.
kahlua716
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Posted by Future Mulligan
sometimes people don't attend events they are invited to because they can't afford the gift in the first place.
Very true!! lol
LB and DC
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Posted by Future Mulligan
sometimes people don't attend events they are invited to because they can't afford the gift in the first place.
that's true too! good point!
Mich0621
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Generally if I know the people, I will send something...however if you don't come, I don't think there is any etiquette requirement to actually send something...personally I could care less, but that is me...I think what some people were annoyed about was people coming to these events empty handed, which is tacky in my mind...the host paid for you and you should really at least get a card...I am one of those people who refuse to go to someone's house without a bottle of wine or something...however, that is me
mkc56
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Re: i know i'm going to get flamed for this...
Gifts are a touchy subject but I think this really should be judged on a case by case basis. How close you are to the person, if they've sent gifts when not attending an event in the past, if they did attend and give you a gift, etc. It's hard to say whether or not there is a real right or wrong here, but in the end, you can always say that they just didn't know any better.
MrsBrags7706
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Posted by Future Mulligan
sometimes people don't attend events they are invited to because they can't afford the gift in the first place.
I agree. I understand each person/couple has certain financial problems, but I'm also a big believer on 'recipricating,' even though it may not even cover each plates. So evem if I was in a better financial situation, I'd still recipricate to whatever someone gave me for our wedding. That'd why I wrote everydown, because we had 2 weddings this year and 5 next year, so when it came down to writing cards & checks, we did and are giving those couples exactly what they gave us. But I also feel like if someone doesn't come to a wedding, they shouldn't have to give as much, thats my personal opinion. HTH!
MF9282
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I do not expect a thing but if I can not make it to some one's special event I send a gift, not as big as it would have been if I went but I'd still send one to let them know I wish I could have made it.
SeaMaiden
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I honestly had no idea I would have to send a gift. Stupid me, i didnt meant to piss people off.
BoxOfRocks
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I never expect a gift whether people COME or NOT. I don't throw parties for gifts. I throw them for what they are- company & good times. So I personally don't care about that.
I agree.
billandme
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Posted by BoxOfRocks
I never expect a gift whether people COME or NOT. I don't throw parties for gifts. I throw them for what they are- company & good times. So I personally don't care about that.
