I love my dad but.. (vent) long

GOD.. He drives me insane.
I'm paying for the wedding from flower to nail and I still have to fight my Dad.. someone explain this to me.

He pays out a few thousand dollars for my brother wedding with no questions asked. Cause bro needs 'help' of course because 'he's not as resourceful or as strong as you'. No prob. Every time I turn around bro gets money from Dad. When I lived in texas I was nearly out of food, but dad says 'She always finds a way'. You know what.... I'm tired of finding a way.

I don't want his money, but Im getting tired of hearing how his little girl (me) is so resourceful. Then the next second tells me how my fsil is mad that I'm having a nice wedding.. and he paid for Xgrand of theirs.. 'how ungrateful she is' .. I'm like 'Well Dad, I could use a little help'

Noooooo I'm too resourceful. Im sick of it. All my life I've heard 'this will make you stronger.. you're better for this.. its good for you.. you're a girl you need to learn to take care of yourself .. your brother needs me.. you're fine.' bs.

Crud.. After 9/11 I called to say I needed 200 bucks to get my car out of repair since I wasn't sure I had a job seeing how GEE my OFFICE was DESTROYED. 'No, you need to learn to deal with these things on your own, for your own good'.. MY OWN GOOD:???!?!?! Damn it man.. I was limping around on injured limbs for weeks after that crap. I needed that car to get around!!!! Nope instead I go into my budget mode and find the money.

I'm tired of being lil miss penny pitching perfect budget self-efficent me. I want my Dad to give me one good reason why I can't ask for more than a simple GIFT from him on my wedding and why in gods name this all became MY FAULT!!!

Sorry.. just got off the phone and ended up crying for a half hour thinking of all the times I try not to let him know how crappy he makes me feel.

*sigh*

Im sorry! I hope you feel better!

i always feel better venting..

Im still poor and still paying for my own wedding... nothing's changed..

Although.. come to think of it .. I am a bit ****ed my fsil is all ****y how my wedding is going to cost 'so much money' 18,000 and how hers was cheaper..

LIke I am expected to get married in a barn and be happy.

No offense but she married my brother as fast as the law allowed. Not my fault. WORSE, I wasn't even invited to be a BM.. Who needs me, right? I'm ONLY his baby sister.. his only sister.. right?

Last minute a friend cancels on her and she says 'You can take her place.' Not , 'if you want' or 'Could you please' I shoveled out quick cash for the dress.. and did my hair up.. only to be told 'You're not supposed to look better than me.. you're so mean' and she cried to my brother.. PLEASE.

Now I'm getting married and she's threatening not to allow my brother to come...

GRRRRRRRRR

OMG, I'm so sorry you are going through all this.

Wow, my sister drained my parents finances by going to college and getting married first. My parents don't have money to help me, but I know if they did they would give it to me in a heartbeat.

So sorry, vent anytime, I do a lot!!

I am sorry you are going through that. it is hard when parents don't treat their childern equal. unfortunatley your father does not see that the constant help of your brother, does not promote his independance, and not rewarding your's does not help you either.

Be stronge and heopfully your are learning from it and how you will want to treat your children

Bumping this for my sister, DAWNIE.... we are are real sister's and we have a step sister and two step brothers. All are older than me...

Dawn and I fend 100% for ourselves, and yes, my mother and my wonderful stepfather treat us very well (they came each child $10,000 to do as we wanted with it, ie put towards our wedding), but my mother and him occasionally argue that his children who make alot more than I do are always crying poverty and getting hand outs. We are constantly getting the, 'It makes you a better person' speech, but it bothers my mother more than it does Dawn and I.

I would calmly speak to your father. Remember, parents are only human. They make mistakes too. I would calmly bring up all of teh things that are botehring you and have hurt you through the years and maybe it's finally dawn on him that you need a little help once in a while too...



HUGS to you though, I'm not going to give you teh same speech that your father did, but you seem to have turned out wonderfully! (With only the help of yourself!)

I suppose it's probably your dad's way of saying that he's confident in you because you've overcome so much and are responsible and able to take care of yourself and that your brother may be weaker than you and needs his help more, but it still must feel like crap. Sometimes, even the strongest of people need someone else to hold them up once in a while. It's not the same as having your father say it, but from the little I know of you, I already can say that I admire your strength and that you seem to be the type of person who accomplishes whatever it is she sets out to do, everyone else be d*mned!

I'm really sorry that your father's made you feel bad and that your FSIL is being an ungrateful pain in the arse! Just vent away and realize that in the end, all that matters is what you think about your wedding day and that you know what you've accomplished, both in life and with your wedding!

You know the odd thing is..
I love my dad in buckets full

One time.. I was on real hard times. I was running out of gas on the way to work every three days and walking the rest of the way because I had no money. I ate bread & butter for 3 months and drank kool-aid cause I needed to pay the rent. All that time he always said I'd find a way. It was aggreivating. I finally tried to get food stamps.. cause I figured that my situtation screamed it. I was told I didn't qualify because I had a car. Go figure. So I tried to get my dad to just give me $50 to get through that one month because I was moving out of my apt as I couldnt afford it anymore. NOOOOO I'm too big and too strong. *sigh* I ended up sleeping in my car under a street lamp for a full month.

No pity needed for any of that. I think I've lived a rather interesting life and I appreciate things a whole lot better than I think most people do. But that was the last straw. I was sleeping in my car because the alarm was set to go off if anyone even leaned on it and I had my pager (yeah it was a while ago) set to wake me up in the morning. BUT my beloved brother got $500 cash from my dad to help pay his rent in a beat up motel/apt place. I was told I shouldnt be greedy.

I had enough. I told my father exactly how I felt.


He cried. I felt terrible. He made me feel like I was saying he was a bad father. I mean I may have gotten the short end of the stick time and time again, but he is my Dad. He would meet up with me and sneak me into his house for showers in the mornings.. and held my stuff in the garage. I do love the guy, ya know.

Im just tired of being the adult in this relationship. I just can't see telling my Dad how much I hate him making me feel cruddy for being fed up with listening to excuses.


I can vent all I want.... but I don't like to see my Dad hurt. I think he knows it too. *sigh* I'm a s*u*c*ker. I admit it.

AliasPook:
I got one for ya...

I am the youngest of two. My big bro and I are full fledged sibs.

Then.. Dad remarried. She's got four of her own. We're like the Brady family now. She had 3 girls and 1 boy.

So that's Six right all together 4girls 2boys.

My mother remarried too (mostly cause she was pregnant) so I have a HALF sister. She's 14 now.

So that's 7.

Dad adopted 3 kids when I was 16. They were being badly abused. Twin boys (12) and a girl (13)

SOOOOOOOO
That's 10
6 girls. 4 girls.

At one point or another, I have been the Oldest, the Middle, the Youngest and the Only child.

I should write a book!!!!

i am so sorry. there is noting worse thatn making your dad cry. i did it a few years ago (about money too) when i told him how he ws making me feel - and it still hurts him to this day.
it's tough but i guess he's doing what he thinks is right....
i have no idea what to tell you in this situation.
it seems to me that you are an incredibly strong person and you should be happy for that!
good luck!!

You guys are great!
Thank each and every one of you for being who you are.


I think pressure just sorta got to me. Black out with 9/11 flash backs.. nightmares started again, grandpa dies, argued with dad... and today's my birthday..

I feel better tho..


Thank you all!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

You should take some time for yourself to just relax and unwind. Do something that you love to do. Or do nothing at all. Just veg out and stop planning for a day. Let someone take care of you, i.e., FH. Let him wait on you hand and foot. And if he doesn't offer to do that, make him!

Xelindrya..

wow, i have to say that your story is inspiring~ you really should write a book!

i agree with what others have said about how your dad has confidence in you since you've displayed so much courage in the face of adversity in the past. i also consider myself someone who can do this (though i do not seem to have fallen on such tough times as you!).. and unfortunately i think all these feelings come with wearing such a hat. i don't think your dad loves you any less than your brother (or any of the other 9 kids!) but he found his groove in how to father you, and he found his groove in how to father your brother, and he does that.... it's kind of the only way he knows, i guess. know what i mean?

in any case, be thankful your dad is around and will be at your wedding. imagine if he wasn't here to experience your special day with you? all this other stuff can be worked around.