I Love New York: Boring Me To Tears
Can I get paid to watch this? Oh, and can any of the Jersey girls confirm whether or not 12 Pack-Dave has indeed 'blown up' or if he's at least back to his job at Feathers? Thanks.
We're down to Tango, Real, Chance and White Boy (WB for this recap). Maybe Flavor Flav will show up, spice up some sh1t.
Tango and Real are being whisked to Palm Springs for the first of two romantic getaways courtesy of VH1. Reals calls Tango 'Donatello' from 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.'![]()
Here is a list of New York's rules on how to be a lady. They include but are not limited to:
*Drink. Your. Face. OFF.
*Curse curse curse up a storm, preferably aftering drinking. your. face. OFF.
*When words fail you and expletives are not strong enough, moon someone.
*Rock the weave, cleavage, six pounds of Chamo applied make up and a booty skirt to play golf.
NY does number 4 for the date. She totally doesn't look out of place golfing at Palm Springs, especially when she takes a swing and falls. Real making fun of Tango through their game makes it tolerable to watch. Tango suckss at golf, just as he suckss at bball, boxing and life. God, he talks so much. Shut UP, Tango.
I'm entirely sick of Tango's hats. Clearly you are not bald by choice but still, I say be proud of your Mr. Cleanhood. You have a hat for every outfit. That's so Farnsworth Bentley. Do you have sex with your hat on? Wait - I don't even want to find out. This is so boring, but it will totally be worth it if New York's weave catches fire on the hotair balloon. And who comes up with these dates? Those writers at VH1 should have incorporated fire into the golf game. Or fire hoses.
Dinner: I think that it took Chamo two hours to put on New York's eye make up. Did you buy out the MAC counter, man? Real says what I'm thinking: 'Tango likes to talk and talk and talk.' So I mute the TV and consider watching the rest of the episode like that but then turn up the volume to what? Tango's in love with New York? Nah, man, she doesn't believe that ish either. New York takes Real to her room for a night cap.
I turn away from the TV when I think that the two of them are getting close. Real calls her 'man' a lot.![]()
and ![]()
. I am proud that New York goes against her regular lady like ways and does NOT spend the night with Real.
Next day, enter Chance and WB for Palm Springs date part deux.
Commercials - coming soon FLAVOR OF LOVE CHARM SCHOOL. I'm so watching and recaping this - these girls bring it!! Unlike these candyassses that I watch every week.
Mess returns. Chance is afraid of heights, New York's hair is unsinged. I hate you, VH1. Can't even give me that.
I tuned in to 'Engaged and Underaged' because I couldn't stand to watch another minute and then sucked it up and went back. And now - are they gonna have a dance off? Pants off dance off? To - a violin? Did I miss a lot?![]()
I think that Chance is drunk, all curses and threatening WB. And no surprise, WB gets the night cap.
I fear that it's going to get filthy up in that biznatch but New York keeps it under control. She brings up WB's ex when he's drunk and his guard is down. Point: New York.
Finally, freaking eliminations. Momma shows up. Too bad she wasn't in Palm Springs, effing snooze fest. She confronts Chance on being aggressive and telling New York to 'shut the eff up' and he LIES to her, denying it all. Clean house, Sister Paterson.
At last, at last, at last, Chamo gets rid of that mess weave and gives New York long, straight extensions. Too long but at least she can't hide weapons in that. Oh, snap, she's gonna flip it! She announces in the vaguest terms ever who is leaving. What? Who did you just describe? Just tell us. And - what the eff, she's keeping CHANCE? WHITE BOY goes home? Get the hell OUT of here. New York fakes camera cries at her decision. Nice to eliminate the only guy who wasn't there for acting, modeling, music or whatever else - seriously, good job, dumb asss. She's totally going to make this between the two brothers. Wow. Low. And kind of dirty. Keep it real, New York, keep it real.
Next time: the Mommas arrive. Sister Paterson offers Chance $5K to split. And Chance cries?
Jesu Cristo.
We're down to Tango, Real, Chance and White Boy (WB for this recap). Maybe Flavor Flav will show up, spice up some sh1t.
Tango and Real are being whisked to Palm Springs for the first of two romantic getaways courtesy of VH1. Reals calls Tango 'Donatello' from 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.'
Here is a list of New York's rules on how to be a lady. They include but are not limited to:
*Drink. Your. Face. OFF.
*Curse curse curse up a storm, preferably aftering drinking. your. face. OFF.
*When words fail you and expletives are not strong enough, moon someone.
*Rock the weave, cleavage, six pounds of Chamo applied make up and a booty skirt to play golf.
NY does number 4 for the date. She totally doesn't look out of place golfing at Palm Springs, especially when she takes a swing and falls. Real making fun of Tango through their game makes it tolerable to watch. Tango suckss at golf, just as he suckss at bball, boxing and life. God, he talks so much. Shut UP, Tango.
I'm entirely sick of Tango's hats. Clearly you are not bald by choice but still, I say be proud of your Mr. Cleanhood. You have a hat for every outfit. That's so Farnsworth Bentley. Do you have sex with your hat on? Wait - I don't even want to find out. This is so boring, but it will totally be worth it if New York's weave catches fire on the hotair balloon. And who comes up with these dates? Those writers at VH1 should have incorporated fire into the golf game. Or fire hoses.
Dinner: I think that it took Chamo two hours to put on New York's eye make up. Did you buy out the MAC counter, man? Real says what I'm thinking: 'Tango likes to talk and talk and talk.' So I mute the TV and consider watching the rest of the episode like that but then turn up the volume to what? Tango's in love with New York? Nah, man, she doesn't believe that ish either. New York takes Real to her room for a night cap.
I turn away from the TV when I think that the two of them are getting close. Real calls her 'man' a lot.
Next day, enter Chance and WB for Palm Springs date part deux.
Commercials - coming soon FLAVOR OF LOVE CHARM SCHOOL. I'm so watching and recaping this - these girls bring it!! Unlike these candyassses that I watch every week.
Mess returns. Chance is afraid of heights, New York's hair is unsinged. I hate you, VH1. Can't even give me that.
I tuned in to 'Engaged and Underaged' because I couldn't stand to watch another minute and then sucked it up and went back. And now - are they gonna have a dance off? Pants off dance off? To - a violin? Did I miss a lot?
I fear that it's going to get filthy up in that biznatch but New York keeps it under control. She brings up WB's ex when he's drunk and his guard is down. Point: New York.
Finally, freaking eliminations. Momma shows up. Too bad she wasn't in Palm Springs, effing snooze fest. She confronts Chance on being aggressive and telling New York to 'shut the eff up' and he LIES to her, denying it all. Clean house, Sister Paterson.
At last, at last, at last, Chamo gets rid of that mess weave and gives New York long, straight extensions. Too long but at least she can't hide weapons in that. Oh, snap, she's gonna flip it! She announces in the vaguest terms ever who is leaving. What? Who did you just describe? Just tell us. And - what the eff, she's keeping CHANCE? WHITE BOY goes home? Get the hell OUT of here. New York fakes camera cries at her decision. Nice to eliminate the only guy who wasn't there for acting, modeling, music or whatever else - seriously, good job, dumb asss. She's totally going to make this between the two brothers. Wow. Low. And kind of dirty. Keep it real, New York, keep it real.
Next time: the Mommas arrive. Sister Paterson offers Chance $5K to split. And Chance cries?
Jesu Cristo.
