I need a strategy...

Munchkn16 Posted: Nov 21, 2006 10:42 AM

I need a strategy...

...for dealing with parents...

My parents have been a little overeager to take over wedding planning. FH's parents seem to be afraid of stepping on toes, and have totally retreated. I know a lot of it is because it's hard to be a parent to an adult, and I know everyone's new at this. But it's been frustrating for me.

I don't want my parents to push so hard, and I don't want FH's to hide out.

Any tips?

EverlovingEv Posted: Nov 21, 2006 10:45 AM

Re: I need a strategy...

Tell your parents to back off a bit and make wedding planning dates with FH's parent's to discuss ideas.

thelastresort Posted: Nov 21, 2006 10:58 AM

Re: I need a strategy...

I would tell your parents that while you appreciate their input, you would also like FH's parents to be part of the decision making (if that's how you really feel). Or, just kindly remind your parents that this is yours and FH's big day and you want to make sure it's exactly how you want it, so again, while you appreciate their input and will consider it, it's not the end all be all.

preciousstone Posted: Nov 21, 2006 11:05 AM

Re: I need a strategy...

It totally depends on you... and i don't know your whole situation but if the following could apply to you, i hope it will help...

You can try giving your parents a specific task that you dont mind giving up control over. Like ask them to look for a particular vendor, nevertheless letting them know that the final decision is yours but that it would help you and your FH in the planning. And then try not to discuss the decision making process with them. Only give end result info. Like, once you've decided on the flowers, inform them about it. But try not to ask.. what do you think about this or that? Because that involves them in too much of the planning. Restrict them to a task you don't mind losing a little control over... for me, that's the florist because my mom used to work with florist and she can better spot good work. Once she gives me ideas, I'll move on from there. But I avoid any discussion on what I am thinking about doing, until I've done it... otherwise they'll just want to take it all over. I've heard my FMIL say (and I love her to death) that this is her wedding too... I don't think so! But I let her know what's going on once we've made a particular decision on something so she doesnt feel out of the loop...

HTH

ama1771 Posted: Nov 21, 2006 11:37 AM

Re: I need a strategy...

it drives me crazy when the fmil calls it her wedding too!!! I'm like, 'NO, your wedding was 30 years ago.'

ama1771 Posted: Nov 21, 2006 11:38 AM

Re: I need a strategy...

i agree, best to set limits now and delegate roles and responsibilities to each family. my fmil tends to over as my parents (all four of them) are eight hours away. I put the brakes on her all the time.