I NEED ADVICE FROM A STRANGER, PLEASE

JULY05 Posted: Sep 11, 2004 03:28 PM

I NEED ADVICE FROM A STRANGER, PLEASE

I HAVE BEEN DATING MY FIANCEE FOR 4 YEARS , WE HAVE BEEN ENGAGED FOR A YEAR AND A HALF. THE WEDDING IS DONE BEING PLANNED FOR, WE SHOULD BE GETTING MARRIED ON JULY 3RD. MY PROBLEM IS HE IS 28 AND SETTLED AND I AM 22 AND TRYING TO FINSIH WITH COLLEGE AND STUDENT TEACH. WE ARE PAYING FOR OUR WEDDING AND OUR DOWN PAYMENT ON THE HOUSE WE SHOULD BE MOVING INTO IN FEB.. I AM GETTING NERVOUS AND I AM STRESSED AND SCARED. LAST NIGHT AFTER FOUR YEARS AND EVERYTHING ELSE. WE CALLED IT OFF. NOW I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT. I JUST WANTED 2 WEEKS TO PUT MYSELF BACK TOGETHER, AND HE TOOK IT THE WRONG WAY. NOW ITS OVER AND ALL I WENTED WAS TO TAKE A WEEK OR TWO AWAY FROM EVERYTHING. IM LOST AND UPSET. WHAT DO I DO? DOES ANYONE HAVE ADVICE. PPLLLEASSSEEE

julz33 Posted: Sep 11, 2004 03:43 PM

Re: I NEED ADVICE FROM A STRANGER, PLEASE

Everyone gets stressed, nervous, and scared during wedding planning. I think you should meet up with you FH right now and talk things out. it doesn't sound to me like you want things to be called off. You need to talk ASAP

stacie0877 Posted: Sep 11, 2004 03:47 PM

Re: I NEED ADVICE FROM A STRANGER, PLEASE

Have you guys spoken since this all has happened? I understand exactly how you feel though. Planning a wedding along with going to school can be VERY stressful. Don't worry everything will work out.

JULY05 Posted: Sep 11, 2004 03:47 PM

Re: I NEED ADVICE FROM A STRANGER, PLEASE

I DONT, HE JUST DOESN'T UNDERSTAND I NEED SOME TIME TO PUT THINGS BACK TOGETHER AGAIN. JUST TO REFOCUS. YOU AND YOUR FH LOOK SO CUTE TOGETHER, WERE YOU REALLY HS SWEETHEARTS?

nov04LIbride Posted: Sep 11, 2004 03:48 PM

Re: I NEED ADVICE FROM A STRANGER, PLEASE

Posted by julz33

Everyone gets stressed, nervous, and scared during wedding planning. I think you should meet up with you FH right now and talk things out. it doesn't sound to me like you want things to be called off. You need to talk ASAP

I agree!! Talk ASAP!

JULY05 Posted: Sep 11, 2004 03:50 PM

Re: I NEED ADVICE FROM A STRANGER, PLEASE

We tried, but its a mess. Thank you. I need this advice from others. Thank you.

julz33 Posted: Sep 11, 2004 03:53 PM

Re: I NEED ADVICE FROM A STRANGER, PLEASE

Posted by JULY05

I DONT, HE JUST DOESN'T UNDERSTAND I NEED SOME TIME TO PUT THINGS BACK TOGETHER AGAIN. JUST TO REFOCUS. YOU AND YOUR FH LOOK SO CUTE TOGETHER, WERE YOU REALLY HS SWEETHEARTS?

Yes we are highschool sweethearts. We have been together for 7 1/2 years, since I was 16 years old.

I know theway you feel. When we first got engaged I was in my last semester of college. I knew I wanted to be with him but it is very scary being in school, not know where or when you will find a job, paying for the wedding, planning the wedding, finding a house. I have been in the same shoes and I know how overwhelmed you fell. But I would never tell my FH I needed time apart from him... I know what you meant to say... There were times when I said I need some time by myself TODAY.
If you still want to marry your FH you should explain to him how you feel and that you didn't mean to end things. I'm sure he will understand

JULY05 Posted: Sep 11, 2004 04:01 PM

Re: I NEED ADVICE FROM A STRANGER, PLEASE

My thing is that he tries to help me, but he just pushes me away. Im happy someone was in the same shoes. Are any of your friends married? None of mine are. Me and my FH never fight, until now. My friends seem to think its because i didn't have enough fun since im young and that i need to go out more and party. But thats not me, yet they have me questioning my intentions. Maybe I am to young, but in the same breath I can't imagine being with anyone else. If you don't mind me asking, do you two live together? We dont, and that seems to be a problem too. I dont know...thank you though.

julz33 Posted: Sep 11, 2004 04:12 PM

Re: I NEED ADVICE FROM A STRANGER, PLEASE

None of my friends are married either. We are also pretty young. You can still have girls nights out with your friends... just because your engaged that doesn't have to stop. We go out andn party all the time together, but we are only a year apart and have a lot of the same friends (from the same high school). it might be different for you since you Fh is a little older.
We lived together for a semester in college, but then we moved back in with our parents so we could save money for a house. It was hard getting the chance to live together and then go back to not living together but it was the best choice we could have made. We are in contract now for a house so hopefully we will be in our own house soon. it is definately hard not living together, but lucky for us we live in the same town only a few minutes away from eachother.
Do you think living together will help your relationship?
Take some time to think about what you really want! You are going through a lot of major life changes right now and it is normal to feel the way you do

JULY05 Posted: Sep 11, 2004 05:37 PM

Re: I NEED ADVICE FROM A STRANGER, PLEASE

I dont know you , but you gave me the best advice yet. It also helps that you understand. Thank you so much. I think living together would help, only because i live in miller place and he lives in deer park so we are so far away and we both work so many hours. by the time we get home we both just want to stay at our homes and go to bed. : ( . I can't tell you how helpful you have been. Thank you. I really needed the pick me up. I do have girls night and my FH is just one of the girls. Everyone loves him. But... Thank you. I see your wedding is in a few weeks. Good Luck!! You both seem VERY Lucky!!

marymoon Posted: Sep 11, 2004 05:41 PM

Re: I NEED ADVICE FROM A STRANGER, PLEASE

July 05 I'm in a similar situation. I was supposed ot graduate college in may, but I missed a semester due to acar accidnet and now I'm missing another, so I'm still in college, I have one semester left, I don't have a ft job and so I'm on Fh's helth insurance, he ha sa real, job, an apartment, etc. it's really getting hard for us now that we're in 2 separate worlds. He doens't understand all of my insecurities about being at this unsure point in my life, even though we're the same age. hang in there. Make sure you talk to him about it. Maybe write a letter? Whatever you do try not to sound accusatory. it's normal to be nervous when you're getting married and it's norla to be nervous when you're just graduating from college. Some of us have both of those things on us at the same time. talk to Fh. If he's really 'the one' he'll understand and come around.

Waiting Posted: Sep 11, 2004 10:21 PM

Re: I NEED ADVICE FROM A STRANGER, PLEASE

Call HIM! Planing a wedding - going to school and saving up $$$$$ are all hard and stressful things to do. What your feeling is NORMAL.. Whats NOT normal is to be going through any of this solo.. CALL HIM.. You dont need 2 weeks away from him... Take two weeks off of wedding plans. Treat yourself to a pair of shoes...

melanee Posted: Sep 11, 2004 10:30 PM

Re: I NEED ADVICE FROM A STRANGER, PLEASE

planning a wedding is very stressful, and to combine that with going to school, saving for a house, it can definitely overwhelm anyone. i am older than you, have been out of school for a while and have my own career, but with the wedding and work, there are times when i wonder if i am doing the right thing.

but everything you are telling us here, you should be discussing with him. you've gotten some good advice from others, now it is time to talk it out with him and straighten this whole thing out.

good luck to you.

JacnRob729 Posted: Sep 12, 2004 11:36 AM

Re: I NEED ADVICE FROM A STRANGER, PLEASE

call him---and work it out---i think you need to explain to him everything that you have said to us....make him realize that this is not what you want

JenniferLee111204 Posted: Sep 12, 2004 02:46 PM

Re: I NEED ADVICE FROM A STRANGER, PLEASE

CALL HIM RIGHT NOW AND WORK IT OUT!!!

My FH and I have a huge age difference. I met him when i was 20 and he was 39. no i am not kidding. he is a successful attorney and i was/am struggling to get through school / full time work. i broke up with him when i was 21 - we got back together a few times, but i was way too insecure to keep it going. Finally - to make a long story short. we got back together on my 23 birthday in april and were engaged that following october - now, its almost a year later, and our wedding is in 2 months and i feel like i am the happiest, luckiest girl in the world. the moral -we needed that time apart for me to grow up and realize that he is the man that i cant live without, forever.

Jennifer

jensun Posted: Sep 12, 2004 03:33 PM

Re: I NEED ADVICE FROM A STRANGER, PLEASE

I think that fh just needs some time to cool down, he will be more understanding when he calms down. You have the right to your space, but it sounds like you guys are working very hard for your future and you fh just got a little freaked out when you started to show doubts. I would give him some time and then do everything in your power to make him see that you still want to be with him, IMO.