I need advice--sorry it's NWR but has to do with BM

BlondeJD Posted: Nov 08, 2004 11:29 AM

I need advice--sorry it's NWR but has to do with BM

My b'day is tomorrow (yay!) but we all celebrated on Saturday. We had a whole night planned with dinner in midtown followed by a crazy karaoke place with private rooms downtown. FH sent out evites and everything. In addition to FH, it was supposed to be my MOH & her boyfriend, 2 BMs, and one of my guy friends. Well, one of my BMs didn't show. Didn't call, didn't show. I emailed her last night since she hadn't contacted me and said 'We really missed you last night. You've never been the kind of friend who would flake out at the last minute so I wanted to know what happened. I hope everything is okay.' In case she had a family emergency, I didn't want to be the biatch who was like 'where the feck were you.' She wrote back that her boyfriend failed the bar exam and she was doing her best to help him out. He flew to NY to see her, etc. Sorry she couldn't make it.

I understand that she had a 'situation' but I don't think it rises to the level of something where she couldn't call me to let me know what was going on, especially since I tried to get in touch with her earlier on Saturday and her mother said, 'She wants to know if she can call you back.' I wanted to make sure I wasn't overreacting so I asked my other BM, 'This is really bad right? I'm not being crazy, am I?' She said, 'Jenn, this is not-being-a-bridesmaid-anymore-bad.' How should I respond to her email? Ugh!!! I hate drama!!

CubanBride Posted: Nov 08, 2004 11:32 AM

Re: I need advice--sorry it's NWR but has to do with BM

I think you should just explain to her that you understand her situation, but that she should have at least called. Explain that you were very worried and make it like you were concerned for her. This way she doesn't feel like she is being attacked, but will still get the point that she needs to contact people if there is going to be a problem, in the future.

EDIT: I don't think it's a big deal to make a fuss over. Things happn, but at least she responded with a reason and just didn't show up for the heck of it.

bridget&jimmy Posted: Nov 08, 2004 11:34 AM

Re: I need advice--sorry it's NWR but has to do with BM

I acutaly think she should have called you back, but you have to understand were she is coming from to, her boyfriend flew all the way in to see her, because he needed her support. So I think this is something you should overlook.

divabride Posted: Nov 08, 2004 11:35 AM

Re: I need advice--sorry it's NWR but has to do with BM

Ouch!!! This is a tough one. And as much as I feel you pain because I have a BM that sounds exaclty like yours.... I would just let it go. Nothing good could of this so its better to forgive and forget. But I hope as a friend she will make it up to you. Keep us posted!!!

lolita4life Posted: Nov 08, 2004 11:36 AM

Re: I need advice--sorry it's NWR but has to do with BM

i cant give you any rational advise..i d be REALLLLLY pissed and drop her from the wedding!.... try talking to her, i dont know, im mad at her and i dont even know her!

ckgmwedding Posted: Nov 08, 2004 11:39 AM

Re: I need advice--sorry it's NWR but has to do with BM

I would definately set up a time to talk over lunch or drinks. Maybe there is more going on than you know unrelated to you or the wedding. Sometimes when people are really overwhelmed with personal stuff they flake on the ones closed to them since they know they will eventually be understanding. Try to stay calm and non-blaming this way you can really resolve the situation without all the drama. Hope that helps

RVCBride Posted: Nov 08, 2004 11:39 AM

Re: I need advice--sorry it's NWR but has to do with BM

IMO I don't think your BM was THAT wrong. I think it is crappy that she didnt pick up the phone and call you, but maybe she thought you'd understand. Maybe he was having some sort of a breakdown. Personally, I'd be devastated if I went through all that hard work in law school and failed the BAR. Even though you can take it again, it must be a very frustrating and serious blow. She was being a good girlfriend by comforting him and. For me, I would first react selfishly and say how dare her not call me, but after thinking about it I would let it go. You gotta choose your battles, and this one isn't worth losing a friend over. Some people handle things differently, always put that into account with friendships! Hope that helped

stacy&joe Posted: Nov 09, 2004 05:29 PM

Re: I need advice--sorry it's NWR but has to do with BM

I agree with most of the ladies here - I would let this one slide, and I wouldn't kick her out of the BP. As an attorney who cried like a baby when I PASSED, I can only imagine how it must feel to fail. The bar exam is a difficult hurdle for any attorney, pass or fail, so I bet her BF was simply devastated. She called as soon as she could, but had to attend to her BF first - and you don't know at this point how bad off he really was. I would let her know you're concerned about her and BF, and glad that she was able to call when she did. Being understanding will probably make her call again in the future and be a good friend to you. Good luck!

angelbear217 Posted: Nov 09, 2004 05:34 PM

Re: I need advice--sorry it's NWR but has to do with BM

I think you two need to talk it out. Yes, it was crappy that she didn't call to say she was coming, but sometimes our emotions take the best of us. Give her the benefit of the doubt and talk it out. Good luck! I hope it all works out.

BlondeJD Posted: Nov 09, 2004 05:47 PM

Re: I need advice--sorry it's NWR but has to do with BM

I'm definitely giving her the benefit of the doubt. It's just a little hurtful because I really do think it was a situation where she could have at least called to let me know she wasn't coming rather than having 6 people waiting in a restaurant for her so we could order. The worst part is that she didn't call or email me on Saturday (when this happened) or Sunday (the day after). I had to email her on Sunday night and didn't hear from her til Monday. I'm going to chalk this up to a one time thing, but it's definitely not setting a good precedent.

Dooodles Posted: Nov 09, 2004 06:12 PM

Re: I need advice--sorry it's NWR but has to do with BM

It may have been wrong for her not to call you back, but her boyfriend did just fail the bar exam and he flew to be with her. Since she is not the type of friend to flake out, I would just be a little understanding that she was needed somewhere else at that point and her head was with him. And I still wouldn't be that upset that she did not get back to you so soon. Her mind was on her boyfriend and his problem

Robinella Posted: Nov 10, 2004 11:03 AM

Re: I need advice--sorry it's NWR but has to do with BM

I think you should forgive her or drop it or whatever..its not THAT big of a deal..let her know it hurt you and you wanted her there...im sure you two can go out and make it up.

DebMaher Posted: Nov 10, 2004 11:06 AM

Re: I need advice--sorry it's NWR but has to do with BM

Posted by jenniesunshine

I'm definitely giving her the benefit of the doubt. It's just a little hurtful because I really do think it was a situation where she could have at least called to let me know she wasn't coming rather than having 6 people waiting in a restaurant for her so we could order. The worst part is that she didn't call or email me on Saturday (when this happened) or Sunday (the day after). I had to email her on Sunday night and didn't hear from her til Monday. I'm going to chalk this up to a one time thing, but it's definitely not setting a good precedent.

Jennie:
Can I agree. It sounds like there was a substantial backstory what with him flying out at all. Maybe (giving them the benefit of the doubt) she was embarrassed to have to face you and your girls -- I think you have said many of them are lawyers, yes? So while she CLEARLY should have called, I would drop this one. Sounds like a lot was going on and if it does come down to her ?? being embarrassed you don;t want to compound it. I want to be clear, I agree and think you are right, I just think you should do as you are doing and be the bigger person.

David'sbride Posted: Nov 10, 2004 11:41 AM

Re: I need advice--sorry it's NWR but has to do with BM

First, Happy Birthday... I was in the city yesterday at a conference and completely missed LIW.

Second, you might want to let this one go but at the same time mention to her that if something happens in the future you understand but if she could communicate with you.

This must be the week of BM's flaking out as I have had serious MOH drama over her chosing me to be the guardian of her baby and then taking the honor back when I asked (later) if her and her husband had life insurance she got all uppity on me and said it was materialistic of me to ask... hello it was responsible of me to ask. I let one major snafu go in April and then she thought it was ok to have major miscommunication with me later.

I would tell her that whatever happened, happened but next time she needs to call you and give an explanation.

Sep05bride Posted: Nov 10, 2004 12:00 PM

Re: I need advice--sorry it's NWR but has to do with BM

I would let it go. I agree, just better to forgive and forget. Other people have lives outside of our bridal bliss lives. At least she got back to you. Don't ruin a good friendship over it.