I NEED BRIDESMAID HELP ADVICE (did that make sense???)

Gsangel81 Posted: Feb 21, 2011 01:33 PM

I NEED BRIDESMAID HELP ADVICE (did that make sense???)

So each of my bridesmaids that i have chosen each have a special meaning to me and i love each one of them. I previously had asked my best friend whom ive known since H.S. to be a bridesmaids she of course said yes. She then ran into personal and health issues and when it came time to go to pick a dress for the BM she wasnt able to come. I afterwards decided to only stick to the BM that i have now and i explained to her that i am concerned about the 'issues' she is going through and i wouldnt want to add more stress on, she was fine with that. On Saturday i got a lil guilt trip text message from her saying that she really wants to be there for me and that she really wants to be in my bridal party. I feel bad but she is important to me but im just scare she is going to run into issues again....ladies helllppppppp

DCgirl82 Posted: Feb 21, 2011 01:35 PM

Re: I NEED BRIDESMAID HELP ADVICE (did that make sense???)

I understand if you cant say but what type of issues are we talking about here?

HSsweethearts Posted: Feb 21, 2011 01:35 PM

Re: I NEED BRIDESMAID HELP ADVICE (did that make sense???)

If she wants to be there for you, you picked her for a reason. I feel like you should let her be in the BP. What do you have to lose? If she has issues, she's out the cost of the dress/shoes?

I feel like you picked her for a reason so the chance that she COULD be there is worth the risk that she might not be

SoonToBeMrsCali Posted: Feb 21, 2011 01:44 PM

Re: I NEED BRIDESMAID HELP ADVICE (did that make sense???)

Maybe you can ask her to say a reading or bring up gifts (if you are having a church ceremony)?

I'm sorry you are having issues with her but maybe this is better for her well being - I don't know the issues so I am just assuming based on what you wrote

CantWaitMrsH Posted: Feb 21, 2011 01:45 PM

Re: I NEED BRIDESMAID HELP ADVICE (did that make sense???)

As someone who will now have ongoing health issues I think its somewhat unfair to ask someone, your best friend, to be in your bridal party and to then not have her in it due to her health condition. Even if on the wedding day itself she couldnt be there because of her health issues wouldnt you understand?

I was in the midst of a life-long diagnosis when I was in a friends wedding. I couldnt be there for everything but I was there for as much as I could. It wasnt even certain I would be able to walk down the aisle that day, but I did. And I even was well enough to stay for nearly the entire evening.

I think you should reconsider ... Sometimes a distraction from the everyday woes can be such a spirit booster

JTG4EVER Posted: Feb 21, 2011 01:58 PM

Re: I NEED BRIDESMAID HELP ADVICE (did that make sense???)

I would put her in the BP. You have nothing to lose by it. It's not her fault she has these health issues and i'm sure she just wants to be normal. So you have to treat her like that.

Soon2bMrsB91511 Posted: Feb 21, 2011 02:03 PM

Re: I NEED BRIDESMAID HELP ADVICE (did that make sense???)

I think you should approach the situation in a very diplomatic way. I'm in grad school for my doctorate in psychology so I am constantly being taught to try and see things from another person's perspective...

Here's my recommendation.

Tell her something along these lines...'You are my BFF and you mean the world to me. I would love nothing more than for you to stand by my side on the most important day of my life. It would truly make me SO happy. I understand that you are experiencing some personal challenges and that this is not the easiest thing to go through, and if you should decide that these issues are going to prevent you from being a BM, I totally understand and only have your best interest at heart'

This way, you are not the 'bad guy' for giving her the boot. Instead, you let her know that you want her there, and hope she can make it, but you'll be the good, understanding friend that knows how difficult this time is for her.

HTH!

Gsangel81 Posted: Feb 21, 2011 03:21 PM

Re: I NEED BRIDESMAID HELP ADVICE (did that make sense???)

Posted by DCgirl82

I understand if you cant say but what type of issues are we talking about here?

Personally I know it has to do with her sons father and I think she is stressed with the situation that it literally has affected her health

Gsangel81 Posted: Feb 21, 2011 03:29 PM

Re: I NEED BRIDESMAID HELP ADVICE (did that make sense???)

Posted by CantWaitMrsH

As someone who will now have ongoing health issues I think its somewhat unfair to ask someone, your best friend, to be in your bridal party and to then not have her in it due to her health condition. Even if on the wedding day itself she couldnt be there because of her health issues wouldnt you understand?

I was in the midst of a life-long diagnosis when I was in a friends wedding. I couldnt be there for everything but I was there for as much as I could. It wasnt even certain I would be able to walk down the aisle that day, but I did. And I even was well enough to stay for nearly the entire evening.

I think you should reconsider ... Sometimes a distraction from the everyday woes can be such a spirit booster

I'm ssooooo sorry I should of been a little more specific her health issue was led by stress from her personal issues if she had an ongoing health issue I would be the most understanding person to her due to my father having a chronic illness and passing away so I know how much of a toll it is but she herself agreed at that moment that she couldn't really be there for me and now that I got that text I really don't know what to do

DCgirl82 Posted: Feb 21, 2011 03:39 PM

Re: I NEED BRIDESMAID HELP ADVICE (did that make sense???)

If she has reached out to you and is saying she really wants to be there for you and be part of it I would let her <3 Maybe she feels she is ok to be a part of it with you. I had a BM that was going thru some very hard times and she thought she might not be able to be in the BP I totally understood and months later she told me she wanted to be part of it all. I was so happy and excited to have her back in it

Gsangel81 Posted: Feb 21, 2011 05:35 PM

Re: I NEED BRIDESMAID HELP ADVICE (did that make sense???)

Thank you ladies it's always good hearing other brides opinions I'm going to have dinner with her on Friday and be honest with her, I'll let u ladies know how it goes :)