I need friend advice..once again...what would you do?

nycchic_24 Posted: Jul 01, 2003 02:12 PM

I need friend advice..once again...what would you do?

I need advice. What would you do if a so called 'friend' just all of a sudden started ignoring you. There is no apparent reason, and for the life of me I cannot figure out why this person would choose not to deal with me anymore. I am not an exremely confrontational person although I like to know why people are choosing not to deal with me. I want to confront her but I dont want her to think that Ive stayed awake at night crying over the fact that she may not want to be my friend anymore. Honestly, I would just like to know what happened. I tend to take things so to heart and its bothering me not knowing if I did something wrong.

How should I approach her? Should I approach her at all? What would you do?

Samanthas Mom Posted: Jul 01, 2003 02:15 PM

Re: I need friend advice..once again...what would you do?

does she have email? Can u write her an email and see if she replies?

jennbaby Posted: Jul 01, 2003 02:15 PM

Re: I need friend advice..once again...what would you do?

Hi Noreen!

I would call her and say Hi, and see what she says.

If she gives you the cold shoulder, ask her if you did something to offend her.

Jenn P Posted: Jul 01, 2003 02:16 PM

Re: I need friend advice..once again...what would you do?

Maybe you could say 'Has something bothering you lately, because you haven't been yourself?' That takes the focus off of you but gives her an opening to tell you if there's something about you that's bothering her. If she says nothing, a more direct approach is probably required, i.e. 'Have I done something to upset you?'

ChristineC68 Posted: Jul 01, 2003 02:19 PM

Re: I need friend advice..once again...what would you do?

It would depend on my relationship with the person.

If it's someone I was really close to I would give them a call or leave an email saying I was thinking about them and is everything ok since I havent heard from you. They could be going through a hard time and prefer not to talk about it. (Personally, when I have a lot of things going on around me, I generally withdraw a bit since I am not good company and would prefer not to burden other people)

If it was a more casual relationship, I would leave a 'what's up, how are you?' message. If they respond fine, if not decide from there if it was woth I would probably email them for their birthday or the holidays or something and move on (this happened with someone I knew, we just sort of grew apart).

I hope you figure it out

cluelessbride Posted: Jul 01, 2003 02:20 PM

Re: I need friend advice..once again...what would you do?

Maybe you could say something like 'I feel like things are different between us, we don' t talk/hang out/etc.'

nycchic_24 Posted: Jul 01, 2003 02:20 PM

Re: I need friend advice..once again...what would you do?

I email her and she used to reply all the time. Now nothing. She doesnt im me, doesnt call me, doesnt invite me anywhere. I heard through other friends that she was having a candle party at her house and I wasnt even invited. :EMO8

I just think thats so wrong..if someone has a problem with someone else, why not just come out and state it. I think its so childish to just keep me in the dark and just not speak to me. Dont you think??

nycchic_24 Posted: Jul 01, 2003 02:37 PM

Re: I need friend advice..once again...what would you do?

bump

jenny2penny Posted: Jul 01, 2003 02:38 PM

Re: I need friend advice..once again...what would you do?

If there is an obvious change in he behavior, maybe you should cal her and ask her why the sudden avoidence

ChristineC68 Posted: Jul 01, 2003 02:40 PM

Re: I need friend advice..once again...what would you do?

IMO, it is a little childish but she probably thinks she is sparing your feelings by not telling you the reason she has for not being in touch with you.

Noreen, you always struck me as being direct, honest and sweet why not just ask her in IM or by phone, whichever you are more comfortable with. If she ignores you then try to let it go, as much as it hurts, if she continues to directly ignore you like this, you'll be even more hurt.

anna Posted: Jul 01, 2003 02:42 PM

Re: I need friend advice..once again...what would you do?

Noreen, some friends can be so strange at times

Maybe you can call her, like Jenn said, and ask her if youve offended her in any way, or just ask her 'is everything ok'... if she doesnt respond to your emails, maybe you should call her, if you feel the friendship is worth salvaging, which i think you do feel that way.

I hope it all works out. keep us posted !

jennbaby Posted: Jul 01, 2003 02:43 PM

Re: I need friend advice..once again...what would you do?

Noreen seems you have alot of friend troubles lately, just wanted to give you hugs

butterfly20 Posted: Jul 01, 2003 02:46 PM

Re: I need friend advice..once again...what would you do?

You can always call to ask...
could she possibly gotten jealous that your getting married... thats a big one with people...

kmcwed Posted: Jul 01, 2003 02:47 PM

Re: I need friend advice..once again...what would you do?

I agree with the other posters. I would try to contact her and see how she responds. If she blows you off, then forget her.

I know it hurts but I spent TOO many years of my life trying to figure out the behavior of others, why the sudden avoidance? Why won't they talk to me? Why the strange attitude? Did I do something? Did I say something? How can I fix it?????

ACK!!!!

Usually these situations have nothing to do with you personally, and are all about the person who is avoiding us. In my case, my friend was using drugs with her new boyfriend and avoided me as a way of hiding her life from me. Nice huh?

I'm not saying that's what your friend is up to, but just that it's probably a personal issue in her life, and it's not your fault at all. I take things to heart too and know how things can hurt. I've been known to bend over backwards trying to make friendships and relationships work. It's got to come from both sides or it's just not worth it.

See what's she's got to say, and be prepared to move forward if you have to. You deserve better friends than that.

Karen

MrsTC Posted: Jul 01, 2003 02:51 PM

Re: I need friend advice..once again...what would you do?

SAME EXACT thing happened to me with my best friend after I got engaged. I called, e-mailed, confronted etc...there was no reason I could see that she would be mad at me and she wouldn't explain why she was mad at me.....

I finally had to move on...

sorry to hear that

kmcwed Posted: Jul 01, 2003 02:59 PM

Re: I need friend advice..once again...what would you do?

Why are so many so-called friends so nasty?? Can't people get past their own jealousies enough to be happy for someone they supposedly care about?

Sheesh!!

Girls make me sick sometimes. Guys rarely behave that way.

nycchic_24 Posted: Jul 01, 2003 03:00 PM

Re: I need friend advice..once again...what would you do?

guys r so easy...makes me want to be a guy! None of this bull ever. They have THE LIFE!

Marnles Posted: Jul 01, 2003 03:05 PM

Re: I need friend advice..once again...what would you do?

Noreen - we must be soul sisters, no joke...

I feel like the same thing is happening to me, but I wouldn't put this person in my 'close friend' category...

I feel like I put in more than her, with emails and whatnot, but never get any 'hi' or 'how are you' for no good reason...

I feel like she never wants to hang out although I've made quite a few attempts to - almost like she's avoiding me on purpose, or makes it a point to hang out with people without letting me in on it...and whether she's a close friend or not, that hurts, no matter how you slice it.

I don't understand people like that at all - if you have a problem with me tell me - don't ignore me or treat me like an obligation when I try to contact you. So I guess I should just let it go too huh? I guess her silence (although cowardly in my opinion) speaks volumes...Curious what people think about that ...

minniebride14 Posted: Jul 01, 2003 04:23 PM

Re: I need friend advice..once again...what would you do?

I'm with Jenn: I'm sending hugs too!

mishandgerard Posted: Jul 01, 2003 05:00 PM

Re: I need friend advice..once again...what would you do?

I understand I am going through the same thing right now with a friend. I just let it be. I tried to keep in touch for the so called friendship we have, but she blocked me so badly I am done with her. It is terribly upsetting cause it was right after my wedding and she was a BM.