I need help ??

I don't know what to do anymore.. I feel like venting and that's why i'm writing this all out.

My WHOLE life - my mother has made me feel like i'm not pretty enough, that i'm way too fat (not to mention she's a size 34), etc.

Now that i'm getting married, i feel like i am going to hate every single moment of the wedding. I do not like it when people look at me, I HATE IT and even have to tell my FH to stop it. He tells me he looks at me because he sees me as beautiful but I can't imagine how that's possible.

One of my boyfriends in Jr. High once told me point blank, if you think i'm going out with you because you're beautiful - you are mistaken, you so aren't, but your personality is awesome.. Yes - I broke up with him - but since that point - i have always really & truly felt like an ugly duckling.

My major breakdown was last night - I put on my dress so that I could have pics of myself in the dress & FH took them (he helped pick out the dress, so no biggie)...i freaked - i look HUGE (the dress is much too big, but still). I look like a mess and just so horrible and ugly and i don't know what to do. I literally burst into tears and that was that.

Tonight - I tried to do it again - feeling happy and yadda yadda, i put the dress back on and the same thing happened. He took the pics and I burst into tears, seeing how horrible I looked. I sent my only bridesmaid that knows how i feel the pics and she said she's never in her life seen someone look so miserable...

I really don't know what to do - i feel ROTTEN every day - i avoid mirrors like you have NO idea. My FH & I have been together 5 years now and the pics that i'm in of our relationship are less than 30 - because i always hate the way i look, so i take all the pics instead of being in them.

My BM suggested therapy and i'm going to call my doc - but has anyone else ever felt this way? I can't possibly be the only one am I????

Sorry this is so long - but i've spent the last two days crying and I don't know what to do...

oh my gosh!!

Do you belong to a gym? I've started going to the gym and even though the weight isn't flying off me, I feel more confident, more happy about my body, and I have so much energy! So many women on here belong to a gym that I'm SURE you can find someone to go with if you feel uncomfortable going by yourself (I'd go with ya, but Im in Boston )

If the gym isn't for you, I definitely second the advice you've already gotten - talk to a professional. All of us go through bouts of hating our bodies and not feeling pretty...but avoiding mirrors at all costs and bursting into tears just isn't healthy for you! No matter how much your FH says he loves you, you'll never feel that way if you don't believe it yourself FIRST.

finally, I think you need to only surround yourself with positive thinking/positive people. If your mother brings you down, leave her out of decision making processes. Friends? Same thing. I'm a firm believer that when you're around positive people you'll become more positive and change your outlook on things.

My heart goes out to you and I hope things get better.

i am so sorry you are feeling like this. Everyone is their own worst critics trust me. I'll sit there and put myself down so many times. Your Fh is telling you that you are beautiful because you are and he does think that so when he says it dont tell him its not true. He is marrying you and wants to be with you. You have something so many girls wish they had and theres a reason for it, because you are a beautiful person. Accept the love he is giving to you and see what he see's, he obviously see's an amazing woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with.

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Posted by beachbum05

oh my gosh!!

Do you belong to a gym? I've started going to the gym and even though the weight isn't flying off me, I feel more confident, more happy about my body, and I have so much energy! So many women on here belong to a gym that I'm SURE you can find someone to go with if you feel uncomfortable going by yourself (I'd go with ya, but Im in Boston )

If the gym isn't for you, I definitely second the advice you've already gotten - talk to a professional. All of us go through bouts of hating our bodies and not feeling pretty...but avoiding mirrors at all costs and bursting into tears just isn't healthy for you! No matter how much your FH says he loves you, you'll never feel that way if you don't believe it yourself FIRST.

finally, I think you need to only surround yourself with positive thinking/positive people. If your mother brings you down, leave her out of decision making processes. Friends? Same thing. I'm a firm believer that when you're around positive people you'll become more positive and change your outlook on things.

My heart goes out to you and I hope things get better.

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I did the gym thing for my MOH's wedding last year - I was her MOH. I lost 25 pounds and I really have kept the majortiy of them off (i think i gained back 5 pounds). I'm in Jersey though - and most of the girls on here are from LI...

I don't know what my issue is - i just can't get it in my head that i'm worth all the trouble..... I'm the type of person that takes care of everyone else except myself and it's because i guess i just don't feel like i'm worth it.

I have told one of my friends for like 5 years now - I want to be on that show What Not To Wear, I don't want the money, I don't want the clothes - I just want that confidence all of those girls feel at the end of the show...that's all I care about! I'd DIE for that feeling... I literally close my eyes instead of looking in mirrors in the bathroom, etc...

I've felt that way at times too. After an injury, I put on some weight, and was totally miserable with myself. I saw some vacation pictures, and made FH delete them all, I didn't want him showing them to anyone.
It wasn't a ton of weight, but it was 20 lbs, and it made me miserable. I go to Weight Watchers and the gym, and its coming off very slowly, but it is coming off. There are days that I feel great, and others I don't. But basically, this is something that I think most women do deal with.
If you are this upset, I agree, it couldn't hurt to speak with a therapist. Also, make an action plan for yourself -- you do have time before your wedding, and it is feasible to lose some weight, maybe pamper yourself with an expensive haircut -- take steps to make yourself closer to the way you want to look. You can do it!!! I highly recommend weight watchers -- it is a very healthy way to lose weight, and its also about changing other unhealthy habits.
Its hard, I know!
And remember, you are seeing yourself a million times worse than any of it probably is. Your fiance thinks your beautiful and loves you for a reason!

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Posted by davenjess

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Posted by beachbum05

oh my gosh!!

Do you belong to a gym? I've started going to the gym and even though the weight isn't flying off me, I feel more confident, more happy about my body, and I have so much energy! So many women on here belong to a gym that I'm SURE you can find someone to go with if you feel uncomfortable going by yourself (I'd go with ya, but Im in Boston )

If the gym isn't for you, I definitely second the advice you've already gotten - talk to a professional. All of us go through bouts of hating our bodies and not feeling pretty...but avoiding mirrors at all costs and bursting into tears just isn't healthy for you! No matter how much your FH says he loves you, you'll never feel that way if you don't believe it yourself FIRST.

finally, I think you need to only surround yourself with positive thinking/positive people. If your mother brings you down, leave her out of decision making processes. Friends? Same thing. I'm a firm believer that when you're around positive people you'll become more positive and change your outlook on things.

My heart goes out to you and I hope things get better.

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I did the gym thing for my MOH's wedding last year - I was her MOH. I lost 25 pounds and I really have kept the majortiy of them off (i think i gained back 5 pounds). I'm in Jersey though - and most of the girls on here are from LI...

I don't know what my issue is - i just can't get it in my head that i'm worth all the trouble..... I'm the type of person that takes care of everyone else except myself and it's because i guess i just don't feel like i'm worth it.

I have told one of my friends for like 5 years now - I want to be on that show What Not To Wear, I don't want the money, I don't want the clothes - I just want that confidence all of those girls feel at the end of the show...that's all I care about! I'd DIE for that feeling... I literally close my eyes instead of looking in mirrors in the bathroom, etc...

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sounds like theres alot of deeper issues going on. Yes you can go to the gym, eat healthy and workout which would be great to help your self confidence but do it for you not anyone else. But there would still be issues, you say you don't feel you're worth the trouble and always take care of everyone else so that is where alot of deeper things come into play. I also have a bad habit of doing things for others but never like to ask for help, or show that i need help. Right now you might not think you are worth the trouble but obviously your Fh thinks you are more than worth it and you need to start seeing what he see's. I definitely suggest talking to a therapist, it can really work because it will get to the root of your problems and why you are feeling this way. Trust me when i say your FH hates hearing you say these things about yourself and feeling this way. When you are hurting then so is he.

If you need suggestions for a therapist feel free to FM me or even just to talk

Jess, I think you should make a decision today to become a more confident person.

Rip off the band aid.

For me, I got on a scale last month for the first time in TWO YEARS. I was PETRIFIED to know what I weighed. Once I knew what I weighed I would have to deal with it, ya know? But that started the process for me to become happier and healthier. Stepping on a scale let me make a plan to make MYSELF happier.

Rip off your band aid and make a self-plan today. Whether that means making an appointment to meet with a therapist, looking at yourself in the mirror again, rejoining a gym, starting a healthy diet, or even going for a 15 min walk everyday, make a point of changing how you feel now.

Remember that YOU totally have the ability to make a change. You can become that confident person on what-not-to-wear!!!! You just have to stick to making a life change.


(Sorry if that sounded like an informercial/televangelist - but I really mean it! )

I think a lot of people forget that body dismorphia just isn't anoerxia and stuff...sometimes people will look in the mirror and see all the horrible things they've been told about themseleves all their lives and not their true selves. I don't want to diagnose you with that, but I think maybe what you're seeing is more in your head than in your eyes.

Ive also had hard times with my mom about my weight...she used to always tell me not to eat so much and I was getting fat and all that. It ended up making me eat more (not necesarily out of spite, but because she would hide the good food so I had to eat it all when I finally found out!). It skipped me and my sister was the one who ended up with a eating disorder.

The rest of the stuff I'm going to say to you in a FM because it's just too much...but you must know we're all here for you.

your not alone.. sometimes i look in the mirror & pick apart everything i don't like & wish i can change. you are beauitful person inside & out.. your FH is lucky to be marrying you.

i wish there was something i can say to make you feel better.. but just wanted to tell you are not alone. I get over it by thinking about the good qualities i have.. I am sure you have plenty !

I'm so sorry you feel that way!!! Sometimes I feel that way too! It's hard but you cant let it consume you! When I was at my worst I decided to try something. Choose two things about yourself that you like, one physical and one about your personality, (mine was my eyes and my ability to see good in all people) focus on those things and add to the list! Its not easy but we are all here for you and I know there is a reason why FH loves you enough to choose you over all the women in the world to be with for the rest of his life!!!

Hi Sweety,

I agree with everyone here... In addition, I believe that you can develop a love-hate relationship with the wedding planning process itself. There are so many details (dress, limos expensive flowers etc; people's comments...) which can make the most confident person feel out of control at times.

I believe that I don't know myself sometimes. At points I can be so so happy, next I go into overwhelmed, frustration...just because.

So there are many dynamics at this exciting time in our lives. On a daily basis you can just put on a shirt and a pair of jeans and blend in with everyone else. But not on this day...Everything must be perfect (is it ever really).

Being engaged and preparing for a wedding can really force us to take a look at many things.

Sweety, its ok. Its just time to do the therapy, dentist, facials, weight loss and learn to ignore negative people all at the same time. Wow that's multi-tasking... You may be able to use your insurance if you need someone (non-judgemental) to talk with...
It will be fine

Aww sweetie, I totally know how you feel. The first thing I think about in the morning is that I hate how I look. While planning my wedding I focused on every little detail except anything that involved myself - my dress, veil, shoes, bra, etc. were all pushed aside to the last minute because I couldn't bring myself to enjoy those things because I just felt awful about the whole thing. (read my review-it's true!)

The day of though, for the first time in my life, I felt beautiful. When my self-consciousness crept in here and there, I pushed it off. This was my day!!! It was like something came over me and I knew I deserved all the attention, the happiness. I think it was probably my now DH standing at the end of the aisle bawling like a baby because he was so happy to see me that it all clicked for me....I am loved for being beautiful on the inside and out - in his eyes - and that's what matters.

Of course, after my magical day all the same emotions are still there...and I still struggle all the time. But I'm now working on me...trying to find the same beauty he sees.

Start doing some things for yourself...whether it's joining a gym, finding a new hobby, making a new friend. Anything to make you happy and enjoy the special time in your life!

The first thing I did when I read this post was go looking for some of ur pics. If you are telling me that is u, u have everything mistaken. U do not look huge at all! I can understand you being unhappy with your weight as most of us are, but please understand that when I look at you, nothing looks irregular.

I hope things gets better for u