ok so the guy from upstate came to visit me last nite, took me out to dinner paid for everything treated me like a queen--even made me a cd of all my fave songs that we had recently talked about..then we hung out at my place watching the yankee game and then he left to drive the 3 hr trip back..i feel so horrible cause i seriously wanna love this guy cause he is beyond perfect...cute, smart, sweet, funny, a true gentlemen...and i will admit, i have kissed him--even fooled around a bit (no sex tho honest!) and i m searching for a reason why i dont feel like i can like him the way he likes me.. i can tell hes falling for me, he already is talking about coming down again next week, and he wants me to come stay with him for the weekend on oct 22...and im kinda down to chill more and altho i love hanging with him and i do love kissing him--the passion just isnt there... i cant explain it--and it has nothing to do with my ex this time..and i m kinda in theopinion that the spark needs to b set ff right away--not grow over a long period of time.. i feel miserable, y cant i b falling for him--and now i dont know how to handle the situation b/c i have totally been into him when we r together...i wasnt trying to lead him on, i just wanted to give it the full chance... ugh i can cry right now b/c i feel like life is so screwy, this guy deserves to have a girl love him 10 fold cause he is truly that great, and im sick to my stomach that i can tell im gonna hurt him already--maybe this sounds over exaggerated to some of u cause me and this guy just started being together--but trust me i can tell--hes falling for me..hard..and im seriously f*cked cause i dont wanna hurt any1, hes not the kinda guy i can just avoid--or not call back, he deserves so much more respect, i dont know what i m gonna do..dammit if someone has a gun handy i'd like to kill myself now.. grrr...
jenny2penny
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May152005
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Re: i need help, i feel horrible.--re:upstate date
I think you should see him a few more times, the feelings might develop, but....if you have already made up your mind that there will never be a relationship between you 2 & you just want to be his friend, it's not fair to lead him on & you should be honest with him & tell him you only see him as a friend.
WeddingsRock
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Re: i need help, i feel horrible.--re:upstate date
I didn't like my DH very much. He was the total opposite of anyone I would have ever thought I would be with. The sparks certainly weren't there in the beginning. 'Things' were akward, and neither of us felt anything really. Then we 'broke' up for a bit and then WOW it hit us. Obviously we got back together and here we are married for 3 years. I think sometimes we are looking for too much, that spark, the tingles, etc....I had that with other men the first time we met, but soon after, the sizzle disappeared and I was still trudging through a relationship.
I say don't discount anything yet. See what happens. It isn't like he grosses you out or anything. Date a little, have a little fun!
Danielle&Scott
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Re: i need help, i feel horrible.--re:upstate date
Michi....Breathe. You need to relax and let things happen. Sometimes the attraction just doesnt happen right away. Spend moretime with him, and get to know him. Don't give up so fast, or worry about when and if you are going to hurt him. Just let things happen. You need to stop thinking about how he feels about you or how hard he is going to fall. If you want, tell him that you want to take things slow...I am sure he will understand....and just have a good time with him. Scott
bluegrl24ny
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Re: i need help, i feel horrible.--re:upstate date
Hey Michi - I think you need to give yourself some credit first of all for attracting this sweetie! I also agree with the other girls, that you should just try to hang out with him a little more - I don't think you can develop feelings like what you're talking about until you know that person a little better, you know? When I fist met my DH, I wasn't sexually interested in him at all - I was actaully kinda scared of that aspect so early on in the relationship! It was nicer to just take it slow and let those feelings develop naturally over time - it worked out really well in the long run Give him a chance tho - not everything is going to happen all at once, so you need to allow for some time for feelings to emerge. He sounds like a really nice guy too, if you rush things and blow him off - you might end up feeling like he was the one that got away! Just do yourself the favor and wait it out - I think you'll feel better in the long run, and who knows what might develop? :)
Boop2704
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Re: i need help, i feel horrible.--re:upstate date
I agree with everyone else. Hang out with him a little more. Just because there is no physical attraction right off the bat doesn't mean it will never be. Sometimes you really have to get to know the person well, before those intimate feelings develop. A lot of people start off relationships as friends with no physical attraction, but in time it grows to be more. He sounds like a great guy. Stick it out for a while. Maybe spending a whole weekend with him will help you get to know him better and some sparks may start to fly. Good Luck!!
belleboyd
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Re: i need help, i feel horrible.--re:upstate date
Michi: 2 words -- SLOW DOOOOOWWWWNNNN !
You've been on 2 dates with the guy if I remember right?? If you can talk to him, and hang out without looking at your watch 50 times .. then just slow down!
See what happens. Don't be so worried about his feelings. He's a grown up. I mean tell him you want to go slowly like everyone said if that will make you feel more comfortable...but I gotta tell you if I was dating a guy who: 1) drove 3 hours to have a date with me 2) listened to me closely enough to make a CD of songs I like. 3) Paid for dinner. 4) Was a gentleman the whole time 5) was cute & could kiss reasonably well
I'd give the guy EVERY chance. And maybe a couple more after that. Considerate, nice guys are a very RARE breed.
Good Luck!
btrflygrl
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Re: i need help, i feel horrible.--re:upstate date
the spark does NOT need to be set right away....you can develop the sexual tension once you are COMFORTABLE with this guy....you may be inhibiting the spark for fear of getting close to a guy and getting let down/hurt/heartbroken.
Be upfront with him somewhat...tell him you like spending time with him and if you are or aren't interested in 'dating' him. Tell him you NEED to take things slow....
oh and...BTW...even if there is no or little spark...it COULD end up being some Darn Good Lovin!
lilmrs
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janwinterbridejoy
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Re: i need help, i feel horrible.--re:upstate date
i think you need to give it a little more time. i wouldnt give up just yet but i would be upfront and tell him you want to take it slow and see what happens. i think that the spark can happen after the intial meeting hang out with him a few more times and then make the choice. in the mean time enJOY the kisses
