I need help: Shower invitation _UPDATE--OMG

So, if you've read the posts before, you know that I didn't even soeak to my FSIL for over a year. Now she pretends to be nice to me, so we'll see. I posted a while ago about how her MIL is throwing her a baby shower for her 2nd baby, and how tacky i thought that was. I aso posted about how my parents and I gave her babay gifts when her first child was born (to the tune of $200), and she never sent a thank you card or called to say thank you or anything.

So a month or so ago my FMIL told me that FSIL's MIL (if you can follow all that) is having a baby shower (2nd baby...euugh) and she obiously knows she's having a shower, becuase that's the impression i got form her husband and she has a HUGE registry once again on BRU. FMIL told me the date of the shower and that it was somewhere in rockaway and that we could drive together and I offered to make lollipops, etc. I got the impression though, that I would recieve and invitation. FSIL's MIL told FMIL she could invite 10 people, so she told them to invite me (although not my mom which sort of pissed me off b/c they were all invited to my sister's shower, and brough cheap gifts and we spent a lot of $$ on her first baby). So anyway, it's 6 days before the shower and I haven't gotten a call or invite from anyone. I've spoken to FMIL briefly (she's on vacation in FL) and she hasn't mentioned it at all. She hasn't mentioned it to FH either. I told him I didn't get an invitation and that I'm not going to go if I don't. He said he wouldn't be surprised if they deliberately didn't invite me because he got into an argument a few weeks ago with FSIL's husband, and he probably told his mom not to invite me.

What do you think I should do?

(also, see poll)


THANKS!



ETA: It seems simple..you didn't get an invite, don't go. But these are the kind of people who woudn't let me hear the end of it and call me 'petty and immature' for years to come. Pardom me for expecting general common courtesy, if not etiquette. The funny part is that I offerred to make the invitations and thank you cards b/c it's something I enjoy and I'm pretty good at.


**update at the bottom**

This whole story sounds completely shady to me. I'm not sure how'd I'd deal with it, but I would not go to that shower, and I would not give a gift!! I'm sorry there is NO EXCUSE for low-class etiquette and behavior. Who does not write a thank-you after receiving a gift?!?!!?!? It also sounds like they would have taken advantage of yor good nature with the lollipops and invites... Maybe you want to call your FMIL out on it... 'You know, I never got my invitation. Thought you'd want to know in case it got lost....' and see what she says.

Don't expect a wedding gift from these people.

I would go and buy something small, maybe $25-50 off her registry. If you get an invite, go, be the bigger person. If you don't get an invite either be the bigger person again and send the gift with your FMIL, which will make them feel like dirt, or return it to the store and say screw them!!

Don't go out of your way and don't spend a lot of money as they were very unappreciative when you spent a lot on the first baby.

I have never heard of a shower for a second baby, unless there was a huge gap in when the person had the first child to when they had the second child. Does she know what she is having? Is she having a different sex baby this time around and feels the shower is necessary to get boy or girl stuff this time? I don't understand! If she wanted another shower, to celebrate the coming of another baby, thn I don't think it was right for her to register again, she should have just had a get together, without gifts. I wouldn't drive yourself crazy with buying her anything much!

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Posted by ThongLori

This whole story sounds completely shady to me. I'm not sure how'd I'd deal with it, but I would not go to that shower, and I would not give a gift!! I'm sorry there is NO EXCUSE for low-class etiquette and behavior. Who does not write a thank-you after receiving a gift?!?!!?!? It also sounds like they would have taken advantage of yor good nature with the lollipops and invites... Maybe you want to call your FMIL out on it... 'You know, I never got my invitation. Thought you'd want to know in case it got lost....' and see what she says.

Don't expect a wedding gift from these people.

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I agree...normally I would advise to take the high road, but in this case I think that would lead to them taking advantage of you & also it sounds like they are involving you in something that has nothing to do with you.....

I would call FSIL's MIL & tell her you did not receive an invitation, and when she tells you the date (If she does) tell her you have another oligation that day that you cannot break.

I would not go, nor would I send a gift.

I might send something to the Hospital when the baby is born, but that is it.

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Posted by ThongLori

This whole story sounds completely shady to me. I'm not sure how'd I'd deal with it, but I would not go to that shower, and I would not give a gift!! I'm sorry there is NO EXCUSE for low-class etiquette and behavior. Who does not write a thank-you after receiving a gift?!?!!?!? It also sounds like they would have taken advantage of yor good nature with the lollipops and invites... Maybe you want to call your FMIL out on it... 'You know, I never got my invitation. Thought you'd want to know in case it got lost....' and see what she says.

Don't expect a wedding gift from these people.

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i went to my dh partner at works baby shower in may and spend over 200 dollars and they never sent a thank you i just think its so tacky!!!!!!! but i agree i would never go to a shower i didnt get an invitation to. if you werent invited no need to send a gift. wait to the baby is born and send something then

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Posted by ThongLori

This whole story sounds completely shady to me. I'm not sure how'd I'd deal with it, but I would not go to that shower, and I would not give a gift!! I'm sorry there is NO EXCUSE for low-class etiquette and behavior. Who does not write a thank-you after receiving a gift?!?!!?!? It also sounds like they would have taken advantage of yor good nature with the lollipops and invites... Maybe you want to call your FMIL out on it... 'You know, I never got my invitation. Thought you'd want to know in case it got lost....' and see what she says.

Don't expect a wedding gift from these people.

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I agree

They're ridiculous though! They're SO low class. They're going to turn around and be like 'well we told you the date a month ago.' They already think I'm snobby and 'little miss perfect' b/c I follow etiquette and *gasp* registered for Lenox, so they're gonna say I'm being snobby if I say I was expecting an invitation, which I was. They may not have sent any invitations at all, which is tacky enough, but even if that's the case, I think FSIL's MIL should have called me herself to invite me, or called to make sure. I don't think an invite through FMIL is sufficient.

Her boy will be 2 when her new baby (a girl) will be born. She calims she needs 'girl stuff' but that's just outfits. People would buy her stuff anyway. i think a shower is so f'in tacky. The problem is that every little thing becomes HUGE with these people, and it turns into a big brawl all the time. We weren't even invited to her frst kid's first birthdya party. Well, actually, FH was invited, without me...cute, huh?

UGH

Do you think I should call FMIL and ask her, or just let it go, and then be like 'well, I vaguely remembered the date, but I was waiting for an invitation and I made other plans because I figured I wasn't invited'

If you mention something now (and they werent going to send you an invite), you risk 'the pity invite'.

No invite-no gift. You can always send something small after the baby is born.

it was exactly as I thought. Apparenty FMIL was allowed to invite 10 people, and she included me, my sister and my mom. The invitations were never sent out thought because FSIL's MIL is claiming that FH was rude to her, even though he hasn't spoken with her, basiclaly ever. All they ever say to each other is hi and bye, especially because years ago she got drunk and was completely rude and vulgar toward me, so we basically avoid her, and we don't have to interact with her at all, so it's ok. This 'rude' thing is coming from FH's BIL. He was listening in on our private phone convo when FH told me he saw this woman, and I said something like 'ugh, did you have to talk to her', and he said 'no' and I said 'good', and FH's BIL blew up at him and started this huge fight when he shouldn't have been listening in in the first place. So apparently that's how he was 'rude' to her.

Last night we called FMIL to see how she is, b/c she's supposed to be flying in from florida tonight, and they got on the subject of the shower. FMIL was saying how that woman (FSIL's MIL) decided not to invite me and my family because of FH's alleged rudeness. Then it escalated into this huge argument becayse FH's parents want FH to call her up and apologize to her, even though he did nothing wrong and he refuses to, and they started their usual **** of blaming me whenever he does something they don't like.

Then it was back to the shower and FH told him mom she should have said something to that woman and defended me, and told her she should have invited me, etc. FMIL says she only found out 2 days ago that my invite was never mailed. And then FH said she should have had the deceny to tell me, and FMIL said she assumed that I knew, because of the 'tensions'...umm what tensions? the BS fight between Fh and his BIL? Anyway, it was her place to tell me. And if *I* was supposed to knoew all along, tehn doenst it stand to reason that FMIL knew all along and should have said something?

So anyway I started yellling when FH was on the phone with FMIL cause I knew she could hear me and I said that she tries to act like she's my mom , and leaves cutesy messages saying 'it's me, mom' but it's all ******** because she's not a mother to me, I wouldn't een treat my dog the way she treated me, a mother wqould defend her child and barring that, ahve the common decency to relay a message to her child, not let her go on wondering and thinking, and that she'll never be a mother to me because she doesn't act like a mother and that the difference between her and my own mom is night and day because my own mother would never treat me that way and would always defend me.

So anyway, appareny she told FH that she's sorry and I'm right. but I don't care. I can't take these double standards..

And then FH's dad is calling him a baby and a pr!ck and then he calls up my mom at midnight to tell her how FH is upsetting his mom cause he can't do one little thing by apologizing to this drunken wacko for something he didn't even do. And you know what? My mom defended him. His parents won't defend him, but my mom will. I guess I just have to be glad that my parents always defend me and are there for me and don't treat me and FH like his parents do

wow. I don't even know what to say...what a mess....have some

Wow.... Im sorry



I guess the important thing is that all is well with you and FH