I need honest opinions...

First off I commend all the GOOD nurses out there (like our own Dani!) but I too have encountered one too many who just do not have the heart that the good ones have.

Also, I know it is hard to hear about the 'hard' experiences that people have had while giving birth but I have to admit, although I am not pregnant yet, we all know and are aware of the fact that it is one of the most painful experiences. I work with women who all have had at least one child and they tell me stories all the time that Id rather not hear. In the beginning I used to get mad at them for not being a little less honest with me about the true experiences of labor and delivery but now I am grateful to them. My coworker told me that her mother told her when she was pregnant that it wouldnt be that bad and when she had to go through it, she felt such anger towards her mother because she felt that she lied to her to spare her feelings and her ease her worry. I like to hear the REAL experiences from those who have been there and I thank you for speaking the truth. I know its hard for me to hear how painful it truly is (especially because my tolerance for pain is near zero) but I do appreciate the honesty at the same time.

I may be speaking out of turn here because I am not pregnant and not faced with giving birth to a baby in the next few weeks and I apologize if I am speaking from absolutely no experience. I just wanted to say my part because I found this thread extremely interesting and informative. I love when we can share our opinions in such a respectful and lady-like way.

Noreen, you are absolutely entitled to your opinion and thank you for your honesty and appreciation of hearing our true experiences.

I heard them all, good and bad, before I had ever given birth, and I never once told a mommy 'ugh, I dont want to hear this'. I said something more like 'WOW, God Bless you! for enduring that and going for more! '

THere's nothing worse than hearing someone tell you NOT to tell your true story. I speak the truth and nothing else. and being able to even vent about the harder times makes a person feel good. I can understand if a teenager who is YEARSS from being a mom doesnt want to hear it, but I cant understand a grown adult ready to be a mom, 'not ready' to hear some true stories...

My sister had a hard time with BFing and I heard it all from her, every detail of every step, was there for her to cry to, was there to babysit as she took a well-needed nap, or put hot compresses on her. I cant imagine having said 'youre making this look so hard'... What I have always and will always admire is her strength and courage and determination to come this far in her 'BF journey'...
She now makes it look like the easiest thing on earth because she overcame such obstacles and 'stuck it out' much further than I did in the world of BFing. Not only did she NOT 'jazz up her story' but she explains it in full detail to any of our friends who wants a heart-to-heart talk on nursing before their time comes. She drove 50 miles to a friend of hers a couple of times, to coach her and help her through the tough times, apply lotions on her, and even just to hug her. This friend that was about to give in and give her son formula, but really wanted to BF so badly. She BF her son for close to if not a full year, and she gives much of that credit to the help of my sister...

Sorry if I went on a tangent, but that story came to mind...

I never want anyone to lie or 'sugar coat' I just do not think that every women screams are heard throughtout the halls of the hospital and sometimes feel that the stories are not 'this is what happened to me' but rather 'this is how it will be'. There is a difference in my opinion.

Michele, you specifically wrote

'those 'horror' birth stories do not help anyone. I think when we hear stories like that it really justs scares us and makes us all nervous. .....maybe, for the sake of us mom's to be you could try to lessen your 'pain' stories. '

I didnt bother with this before, I let it go in one ear and out the other, but you continue with the same 'views' and statements.
how can someone say this to someone else?
How do you suggest I lessen my pain stories?
Can you lessen your pain stories too??
I would never ask that of you.
Maybe for the sake of this pregnant mom to a 12m old, you can be more careful in what you say.

My birth story was nothing but a joy, Im sorry it's a 'horror' to your ears.

and my stories help no one? No offense, but your words dont help anyone either.

I can share every bit of detail I feel here, no one should be here to tell me what to lessen and what hurts or scares them. I cant beleive those words came from a 'grown woman'.

No, not every womans screams are heard down the hall.
Not every woman has a c-section
Not every woman gives birth in a hospital.
Not every baby is colicky
Do we get the picture that no two people in the world lead identical lives? not even identical twins.

Even my 12yr old cousin understands that there are different types of labor stories, and she 'takes it' like a 'big girl'.

.......................
on another note.
I loved what Noreen said
'I love when we can share our opinions in such a respectful and lady-like way.'

Too bad its not always true.

Anyone out there with some more positive karma ?

I just wanted to say that I dont think Anna was saying that 'everyone will experience this', I feel that she was sharing HER experience with us. And yes I do agree, there is a big difference.

I am just a little confused with this because giving birth is not something that any of us can predict but at the same time, we all know what to expect in a way. You cannot hide from what you MAY experience. It is all around us..television, movies, lamaze classes, friends, etc....you cannot hide from it in life so asking someone on here to refrain from responding with her life's experiences doesnt make much sense to me. I understand that it may be different when you are about to give birth in a couple of weeks but I truly do not believe that we dont know what is a possibility of us encountering.

I just feel that when people share their experiences..we should value them. I dont think Anna or anyone else meant any harm and I just wanted to share this.

Although I am not pregnant I still wanted to reply to this post becaue of all the information given. Everyone has their own experiences when giving birth and there is nothing wrong with saying that your screams were so loud. If and when I ever get pregnant I would not want any information to be sheltered from me saying it won't be a painful experience I want to know everything that's involved and believe me when it comes to pain my tolerance is ZERO but I would gladly go through it a thousand times if the end result is a beautiful baby boy or girl who will bring joy into my life and for me I want a support team encouraging me to push it would make me motivated and I feel like I would need that support. I believe that you need to know what experiences you may go through in life.

JMO

Melissa:

IMO, *some* preparation is necessary...be it Lamaze, Bradley, etc. We took Lamaze and while my incredibly wonderful nurse assisted me in labor more than Steve (he tried, he really did!), Lamaze was helpful in preparing us for what to expect... as much as one can be prepared!! No two births are the same, they say!! My mom had 9 children and she can tell 9 different birth stories.

On a side note: I think nursing is one of the most underpaid and unappreciated professions there is. The burnout stats are amazing.

My sister has her Ph.D. in nursing and her 170+ pp dissertation was devoted to pt outcome and nurse satisfaction. She works in research now and presents at conferences several times a year... most recently in NC, where she presented her work on the 'Effects of the Nurse Work Environment and Staffing on Nurse Outcomes'. I'm so proud!!

Anyway... you go Dani!!! Lord knows it's a job I could never do!!

Like bedda, I also was going to refrain from jumping in here being a non preggo, non mom, not even TTC. However, I believe one of the main purposes of this board, second only to bringing a group of people in the same life stages together into a community, is to share our experiences so we can perhaps learn from each other. If those experiences sometimes include candor that some people find disturbing, they should move on and read other posts.

I hope no one ever 'lessens' their pain stories. I want the truth and nothing less so I know what to expect when my time comes.

Jenn, (and the sweet FM's I got )

Thanks for being so supportive and understanding where im coming from.

I do admit to having a 'blunt' attitude and I will speak my mind and tell it like it is, but I am respectful of others and only 'speak up' when I find it called for. and If im speaking up so bluntly and still getting support, then I know Im not alone or wrong in feeling this way and having this opinion/viewpoint.

Why ask so many questions on a topic and not want an honest answer? Why should I have to modify my stories?
We can go through zillions of posts here on LIW, some with sad stories, some with scary stories, should we ask the 'author' to tell the story in a 'lesser' version??? We have to accept life as it comes to us, and even a 'calm' situation when in labor is a 'wish' we all have, not a promise from the hospital staff...

I cant beleive Im even continuing on this post. Just wanted to say thanks to you know who you all are, big girls...

Hi all,

As someone who is going to TTC soon, I want to hear REALITY. Whether that means screaming, excruciating pain, or a calm easy birth, I want to hear it all..................
I don't care how it comes out, as long as the new mommy is happy to share with me her experience, I love to hear it.
After all, this is one of the many reasons I come on this Parenting board - to hear and learn what being pregnant, giving birth and being a mommy is all about. Everyone has a different experience, I want to hear all I can.

Anna - thank you for keeping it real

As for the classes, not sure which ones I will take, but I'm sure to take some classes to learn whatever I can, and to get DH involved in the process as well.

Nurses can be invaluable. Some can be a nuisance. It all depends. I respect Nursing, as many of my relatives are in this field, I hear first hand some of their experiences and the care they put into their profession.
Some nurses can learn from others. But alas, everyone is human and totally different.

Hats off to Dani, That letter was very touching.

Wanted to add, I can't ever see someone's birthing story as 'a horror story'