I need some advice

My BIL is getting married this Saturday and DH is the BM. The BP is going early to take pictures in the city and then the family is supposed to meet them at the hall at 4:45 for pictures.
Now here's the problem. My FSIL and I are FAR from friends. Actually, we can't stand each other. Now I don't know if I am supposed to go with my inlaws at 4:45 or not. I mean, you can't chose your family, and like it or not, I'm going to be her SIL and I am DH's wife.
I think I should go, but DH isn't so sure- which pisses me off in and of itself. He says its her wedding and she should get what she wants- which would be me not in any pictures. But I think that's BS. Whether we're friends or not doesn't change the fact that we're going to be family- though I use that term lightly.
What do you think I should do?

were you invited to go along for pictures?
or was this word of mouth?

if you're not sure - can you call to ask?

I think DH should ask his brother if you should be there at 4:45 too.

My SIL (not FSIL) emailed me to tell me that her parents were going to 4:45. Her boyfriend is flying in for the wedding and he was going to go with me, so she was asking if he and I were going with her parents or if we were going to go later.
I think my in laws would want me to go with them, because they do consider me family. It's DH that's giving me a hard time. For the life of me I can't understand why he would put someone elses feelings above mine.

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Posted by slwh2005

I think DH should ask his brother if you should be there at 4:45 too.

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This is a good idea. Also, if you are close w/ MIL, ask her opinion.

I think you should be there. Like you said, you are family and your DH should be sticking up for you on this one. It's HIS brother that's getting married and he thinks you, his WIFE, don't belong in the pictures? I would be pretty hurt.

It's one thing for your FSIL to feel that way, totally another if your DH agrees.

As for what you should do, that's tough because your DH isn't exactly on your side... he should be the one asking. You should just come right out and ask either your MIL or have your DH ask. Just be frank and say 'Listen, I know Miss Thing doesn't like me but am I supposed to be there for the family pictures or not? And please tell me the truth, I can take it if she doesn't want me in any pictures'

I'm evil, though, I would totally play the victim in this and play up to your ILs and make HER look like she's being petty (which she probably is).




BTW - was she in the family pictures for your wedding?

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Posted by JimmysBride

I think you should be there. Like you said, you are family and your DH should be sticking up for you on this one. It's HIS brother that's getting married and he thinks you, his WIFE, don't belong in the pictures? I would be pretty hurt.

It's one thing for your FSIL to feel that way, totally another if your DH agrees.

As for what you should do, that's tough because your DH isn't exactly on your side... he should be the one asking. You should just come right out and ask either your MIL or have your DH ask. Just be frank and say 'Listen, I know Miss Thing doesn't like me but am I supposed to be there for the family pictures or not? And please tell me the truth, I can take it if she doesn't want me in any pictures'

I'm evil, though, I would totally play the victim in this and play up to your ILs and make HER look like she's being petty (which she probably is).




BTW - was she in the family pictures for your wedding?

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I don't need to confirm to my ILs that she's petty, they're already well aware.
As for pictures at my wedding, she chose not to come to Planting Fields. My FIL was actually annoyed that she didn't come.
By the time we got to the reception we were done with family pictures, so we actually didn't take one with her and BIL. It was completely unintentional, we didn't even take a picture with DH's grandparents because we just got so swept up in the excitement of our reception.

After thinking of this for a little while - I'm actually getting really angry about the way she is treating you!
I think you should go...and I think your husband needs to support you on this.

Yes, it is her day, and Yes things should be how she wants them....but that doesn't mean she gets to be a petty brat.

There were people at my wedding who I would rather have not had there! I'm sure 99% of the people who ever ever gotten married can say the same thing.But you have to deal with it. You have to act like an adult on your wedding day and that means accepting ALL of the people in your family.

Unless you've done something horrible to her, like kill her puppy or something equally terrible, you have every right to be there.

Good luck!!!

Then she could argue that she wasn't in yours. But then again, you could always argue that they weren't married yet.

Not that any of that really makes a difference in this situation unless you had specifically said you didn't want her in yours - and you didn't.

Do you want to be in the pictures? You are family (like it or not ) so I feel you should be in the pics. Let her be the one to tell you you shouldn't be in them if that's what she wants - don't give her the easy way out.

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Posted by JimmysBride
Do you want to be in the pictures? You are family (like it or not ) so I feel you should be in the pics. Let her be the one to tell you you shouldn't be in them if that's what she wants - don't give her the easy way out.

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That's exactly how I plan on handling it. If she has the ba!!s to tell me or my ILs that she doesn't want me in any pictures, she will make herself look like the biggest a$$hole.