i am really upset and i don't know who i can talk to about this. i don't want to get too personal on here, so i'll just say that i do not have a good/normal relationship w my dad and it's been getting worse and worse over the past few years. in fact, i am not even on speaking terms w him right now and i know that things will never go back to the way they used to be between us.
but my family doesn't know all of the reasons, and i don't feel comfortable telling them why. so i don't involve them, and i only really talk to him when they are around b/c i feel like i have to.
so my problem is...who will walk me down the aisle? what do i do about the father/daughter dance? i know he raised me but i really can't even stand the thought of dancing with him.
fh says it's our day and i don't have to do anything i don't want...but what will the rest of my family think if i walk down the aisle by myself, or if i eliminate the father/daughter dance?
i don't know what to do and i get upset about it every time i think about it, which is often. i do have very good reasons for the way i feel...i'm sorry if i'm getting a little too personal for everyone. but does anyone have any suggestions?!
tia.
blu6385
Posted:
Member since
Re: i need some advice (warning: long)
i asy do what you want ... no one in your family should question it ... i am not sure why you cant tell them why you guys are fighting but it sounds serious and i hope somone know so they are thier to support you can you maybe just tell your mom so she can come up wiht a good reason why .... but that shouldnt be nesccary no one on your day should come up and say anything to you that would be completely rude!!!! ... hope everything works out!!!
cherish83
Posted:
Member since
Re: i need some advice (warning: long)
Well it is becoming more and more popular for brides to walk down the aisle themselves. Do you live on your own yet? If you do, just state you want to walk down the aisle alone because you are already an independent woman and its not like someone is giving you away since you are already on your own. As for the dance make it more of a family dance. You can play an upbeat song for everyone in your immediate family to dance to rather than one on one wit your dad
LuvMyAlfonse
Posted:
Member since
Re: i need some advice (warning: long)
Oh Jeanette - don't ever feel bad about getting too personal on here. Really that's what is so great about this site too - there's a certain anonymity about talking to people online (even if we have GTGs etc, you can still 'hide' behind your computer and really talk)...
I'm so sorry you're going through what you're going through. It's so hard when there's a problem with family b/c it's not like you choose them...
I don't think it's necessary to tell anyone about your true feelings about your dad. Tell your family (since they don't know what's going on) that you feel it's too traditional. You don't need your father to give you away, it's not like your FH paid a dowry or anything. You can keep your true feelings to yourself b/c it's so uncomfortable. Walk yourself down the aisle. There are PLENTY of brides who are doing the same for reasons similar to yours.
Instead of doing the father/daughter and mother/son (for your FH) dance - completely do away with it.. Most guests probably won't realize it until after your wedding anyway...
What a difficult time you're having - if you ever need to talk we're all here.
meggles808
Posted:
Member since
Re: i need some advice (warning: long)
I can relate to some of your pain. I'm opposite though my mother doesn't want me to walk to the aisle with my father. This is suppose to be a beautiful day with great memories. Family members make it into this huge rival and it brings us brides down. This is what I have been saying 'ITS MY DAY SO IT GOES MY WAY' !!! Especially if your paying for it. Be strong and walk down the aisle alone. Don't let anyone try to tell you how you should run your wedding. I agree with CHERISH83 & LUVMYALFONSE and also say that if your FH doesn't mind cancel the whole mother son and father daughter dance. After the cake cutting have the DJ/Band tell them they would like the whole family to dance. You can even be cheesy and play we are family! Please don't feel bad about venting or asking our opinions that is what this website is all about. We are here for you.
meggles808
Posted:
Member since
Re: i need some advice (warning: long)
Forgot one thing if your FMIL really wants to dance with her son they can do it at a different part of the night. Maybe when everyone is suppose to be eating salad or desert. Maybe even sit down with your FMIL and explain to her she hopefully would be understanding.
ShanonandSteve
Posted:
Member since
Re: i need some advice (warning: long)
If it is going to make you uncomfortable then don't do it. It is not something you should do just to do it.
Maybe your mom can walk you down the aisle, or if you have a brother/cousin you are really close to .. maybe they can do it.
I know when my grandfather did not attend my aunts wedding.. my uncle and grandmother walked her down the aisle, and she did a special dance with each of them.
Im sorry this is making you so upset.
all the girls are here for you when you need to talk.
madseason
Posted:
Member since
Re: i need some advice (warning: long)
Date Twin!!! Never ever be afraid...thats what were all here for!!!
You shouldnt have to do anything you dont want to do. When FH and I met with our minister, he explained that they had done away with the whole 'who gives this woman away to be married...' bc its us as women who choose to give ourselves. I dont think im doing either. Fam is upset, but they have to get over it. I kno u might be afriad that itll create a sour situation for years to come ( i sit with that feeling) but this needs to be comfortable for you. THe day is about marrying the man of your dreams, not about dreading somethign you dont want to do. Walk yourself down the aisle and boogey down all night long...you dont owe anyone an explanation.
If you need to talk FM me. Im going thru the same thing.
nifheim
Posted:
Member since
Re: i need some advice (warning: long)
As the posts above said NEVER go against what you really want or feel for your wedding day. There is nothing wrong with having someone else walk you down the aisle or even skipping on a father daughter dance.. you can dance with a brother or a mother or grandparent.
DO not go into it if you don't want to why you are deciding this just simply say your closer to that particular person then your father.
Lastly, never feel ashamed about getting personal here. Your important and important to us.. we ladies are a group that sticks together and helps each other out not just for weddings but int life.
JeanetteandSteve
Posted:
Member since
Re: i need some advice (warning: long)
thank you so much to all of you. your posts really help, by giving advice, or even just knowing that someone else might understand what i'm going through.
i'm really glad i joined this site. you girls are the best.
madseason
Posted:
Member since
Re: i need some advice (warning: long)
Posted by nifheim
Lastly, never feel ashamed about getting personal here. Your important and important to us.. we ladies are a group that sticks together and helps each other out not just for weddings but int life.
Well put!! This goes to EVERYONE WHO POSTS ON THE BOARDS!!
Fall Bride 2008
Posted:
Member since
Re: i need some advice (warning: long)
The last thing you need on your wedding day is to feel uncomfortable. Dont mention the whole dad thing around them and when they ask you just brush it off or say im not sure. You can have your mom walk you down the isle or just play it off by saying i want to go solo I like it better that way. Skip the father daughter dance and leave it at that the hell whith anyone else its your day and its none of their business anyway like you said they dont know everything. Im so sorry honey for your troubles
Kimbalina
Posted:
Member since
Re: i need some advice (warning: long)
I am not dancing with my dad, and my family knows that I dont plan on it. Your immediate family may know that you have a unsetteling relationship with your dad and as long as you dont make it a point to make a big deal out of that dance, neither should they. I will be walked down the aisle by my grandfather and dance with my moms brother who is my godfather
KickinDandelions
Posted:
Member since
Re: i need some advice (warning: long)
I've seen brides walk down the aisle by themself and my FSIL walked down the aisle with her mom. In addition, she didn't do a father-daughter dance. I'm not sure I'll do one either.
It's YOUR day..do whatever you want!!
SeaMaiden
Posted:
Member since
Re: i need some advice (warning: long)
i totally understand how you feel. i have very similar feelings towards my father and have thought the same things. i am choosing the walk down the aisle with both parents. i am choosing this because one day my children will have him as a grandfather and he is a good man and would be a great grandfather so i dont want to deprive my future family of that, so anyways, i want my future kids to see pics of me with their grandma and grandpa so they dont know of the pain and are protected from the issues that have existed......if you couldnt bear the though of that, it is totally appropriate to walk down yourself. in your situation this may be better for your children/future children, but i dont know your situation.
i am not having a father daughter dance, or any dance besides the one with my FH, our family isnt close enough and i dont like to dance.
