I need some serious help....!

Well, im 23, and ive been engaged for a year and a half. the wedding is 6 months away and you can say im getting real cold feet.

Im worried if im too young to get married, if this is the right choice. Im worried about sleeping with one man for the rest of my life. Ive been thinking about other guys kinda, id never cheat... but sometimes i do have dreams about it.

I love my fiance so much, although its nothing like how it use to be... its more of a calm love now, like a life partner love that i could see myself having kids and spending time with, and i care about him so much.

Everyone in my family is divorced, and its scary how many people split up nowadays. I just want to make sure im ready and if these feelings are normal. Did anyone have feelings like this?

I'm not sure i'll be of any help. I'm 40 and only getting married now. I do know though when I was 23, I definitely wasn't ready. I also know people that I went to school with that got married when they were 18 and are very happy. Only you know if you are just getting the typical cold feet, or if there is more too it.

I'm sorry you are feeling this way and wish the best.

I'm sorry that you're going through this right now. I think we all have cold feet at some point and it's a scary thought to spend the rest of your life w/ 1 person.

I think that because you are young and also because divorce runs in your family, you're probably more likely to have doubts...I guess you just need to figure out if the doubts are stemming from fears or real feelings.

I'm trying to be careful in the advice I give, considering that I don't know you and really don't want to sway your decision. Just trying to give you some things to think about.

Do you have anyone u can talk to who really knows you? That might help.

I am 27 years old and was definitely not ready at 23. That does not mean that you are not ready.

I freak out sometimes, and the more and more girls I talk to about it tell me the same thing. I think it is healthy to be nervous and question everything. That means that you are taking the MARRIAGE seriously and not just thinking about the wedding as a lot of people I know have been about. Marriage is a serious commitment.

Don't do it if you are not ready. There is nothing wrong with a long engagement. If you are meant to be with the person forever then what is the rush in getting married?

Since I don't know you it is very difficult to know if it is something more then cold feet.

Is this something you can talk to your FH about?

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Posted by SparkyandAng

I'm not sure i'll be of any help. I'm 40 and only getting married now. I do know though when I was 23, I definitely wasn't ready. I also know people that I went to school with that got married when they were 18 and are very happy. Only you know if you are just getting the typical cold feet, or if there is more too it.

I'm sorry you are feeling this way and wish the best.

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i sent you a FM - i agree with the above....only you know if its typical cold feel or if there is more too it.....i think everyone gets nervous at some point - like someone else posted - it means that you are taking marriage seriously.....which is a good thing.....

I think cold feet might be normal right now. But I made a decision that I never want to get divorced. I think divorce (giving up) is easy, its staying together that takes work. It is a lifetime committment, its forever. Think about why you wanted to marry him in the first place. I want to look back 30 years and say 30 years married and still going.

You will be ok.

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Posted by missexcited

I think cold feet might be normal right now. But I made a decision that I never want to get divorced. I think divorce (giving up) is easy, its staying together that takes work. It is a lifetime committment, its forever. Think about why you wanted to marry him in the first place. I want to look back 30 years and say 30 years married and still going.

You will be ok.

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I agree.

you have an FM

Nothing is ever in black and white unfortunately....by marrying this guy is there a chance you will end up getting divorced? sure. But there is one thing you must remember no matter what you decide, when you marry/love someone - youll sacrifice
Youd give it everything you got and you wont think twice. Youd risk it all - no matter what may come. I stole that from a Bryan Adams song but it's true. If you do love this man and want to marry him, you have to be willing to fight thru anything together and be each other's supprt. The best of luck to you!!

alrighty well first things first...age is completely an individual thing. I was 20 when we got engaged, and was 22 at our wedding. I was 100% ready...i have friends & family who are TOTALLY not in the same boat, and thats okay. But i think it really caters to us all individually. Next - do u think u may be having doubts because of ur family history with divorce??? It's amazing how our past effects us & this might be a HUGE subliminal message thats effecting you. You need to try talking to someone...maybe your mom or someone else you can trust. YES - i think doubts are totally normal - especially considering the fear u have because of all the divorce nowadays...but u need to decifer if thats something thats 'just a doubt' or something REAL....because u need to go into this with 100% commitment. The reason why there is so much divorce these day is mainly because people think of marraige as a contract that they can get out of if they feel like it. Dont get me wrong - i know in many cases theres physical/emotional abuse - but alot of the time, people let their marraige get to the point of divorce. To me, it's about taking a VOW before GOD - and promising that no matter what comes your way, that you are going to get through it. Also, about how u said 'it's just a calm love'...relationships arent always perfect. It ALWAYS calms down and things will always change with time. imo NO RELATIONSHIP is peaches & creme at all times...especially after a few years and the comfort level sets in. What u need to decide is, are u just staying with ur FH because it's comfortable and ur used to it, or do u really LOVE him. Because marraige isn't about just being comfortable and 'yea i could have children with him'. It's about loving someone wholeheartedly...otherwise it's not fair.
i know i'm probably telling you stuff u already know - but no one can really make this decision except for u. we are all here for u with support & hugs..i can't even imagine how hard this is for u to be thinking about. Take a day just for you, spend some time alone or with someone close & REALLY talk and REALLY think about all of this...and take your time. Do not rush anything.. U dont want to end up with a lifetime of regret with whatever decision u make...u said above 'I love my fiance so much'.....is that u love him as in u care about him, or u're IN LOVE with him..just something to think about. again, i am so sorry ur going through this. Definetly talk to someone who knows u personally or consider counseling. Also have u considered a pre-marital course? alot of times that can shed some light on issues like this. I know of an awesome one offered in smithtown. FM me if u want any info.

I am 26, I think I would have been ready at 23 though. I have been dating my fiance for 9 years this past august and I knew for as long as we were dating that I wanted to marry him. I have not gotten cold feet about the wedding yet, maybe a little scared about paying for it but that's about it. I've wanted this for so long though!

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I hope it is just a case of cold feet though. Don't worry about thinking about other people, it happens, it's when you physcially do something about it that there is a problem. Have you talked to your fiance about this? Maybe you should open up to him a little bit and talk it out? I hope everything works out for you!!!