I need to vent for a second

Last night FH calls me and says 'I was talking to my mom and she wants to have bagpipe players at the wedding. She's going to ask *groomsman* at the engagement party if he'll play.'

So here's my issues - #1- How about asking me if I would like/mind bagpipe players? Last time I checked, it was MY wedding and fmil isn't contributing a cent. She's just going to say 'I want it' and does it? #2 - *Groomsman* is IN the bridal party. I think it's rude to ask him if he'll play when he's supposed to be enjoying himself. I said that to FH and he was like 'He won't care, he'll do it.'

FIL's are off the boat Irish and a lot of family from Ireland is coming to the wedding so I can understand why she wants them there but JUST ASK ME FIRST! I personally hate bagpipes, think they just sound like noise. My mom made a good point saying 'it is their culture and you wouldn't get mad if the DJ played the Tarantella' but this is different I think.

I don't know, am I being bridezilla about it?

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Posted by laulac98

Last night FH calls me and says 'I was talking to my mom and she wants to have bagpipe players at the wedding. She's going to ask Sean at the engagement party if he'll play.'

So here's my issues - #1- How about asking me if I would like/mind bagpipe players? Last time I checked, it was MY wedding and fmil isn't contributing a cent. She's just going to say 'I want it' and does it? #2 - Sean is IN the bridal party. I think it's rude to ask him if he'll play when he's supposed to be enjoying himself. I said that to FH and he was like 'Sean won't care, he'll do it.'

FIL's are off the boat Irish and a lot of family from Ireland is coming to the wedding so I can understand why she wants them there but JUST ASK ME FIRST! I personally hate bagpipes, think they just sound like noise. My mom made a good point saying 'it is their culture and you wouldn't get mad if the DJ played the Tarantella' but this is different I think.

I don't know, am I being bridezilla about it?

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Ummm...it's also HIS wedding and I don't necessarily think he has to ask your permission. He did not BOOK the bagpiper, he was merely stating that this was something that HE would want, and I hardly think that is unreasonable. And a bagpiper is not one of the major make or break vendors in a wedding. Maybe there's underlying issues with the MIL that are coming into play. But this is not something to start a war over.

No I def don't think you are and if I was in the same position as you, I would feel the same way. You sounds like you are being reasonable, you just wish she would of asked instead of making a final decision about your day!!

If you are really ok w/having the big pipes, I suggest you compromise w/FH & say you need to find someone outside of the bridal party to do it.

Good Luck!!!

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Posted by StellaStar13

No I def don't think you are and if I was in the same position as you, I would feel the same way. You sounds like you are being reasonable, you just wish she would of asked instead of making a final decision about your day!!

If you are really ok w/having the big pipes, I suggest you compromise w/FH & say you need to find someone outside of the bridal party to do it.

Good Luck!!!

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Exactly! If she would have asked me, I would have said yes even though I don't like them. And it's not like FH wanted them, he just won't tell her no.

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Posted by mrsdraskin2009

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Posted by laulac98

Last night FH calls me and says 'I was talking to my mom and she wants to have bagpipe players at the wedding. She's going to ask Sean at the engagement party if he'll play.'

So here's my issues - #1- How about asking me if I would like/mind bagpipe players? Last time I checked, it was MY wedding and fmil isn't contributing a cent. She's just going to say 'I want it' and does it? #2 - Sean is IN the bridal party. I think it's rude to ask him if he'll play when he's supposed to be enjoying himself. I said that to FH and he was like 'Sean won't care, he'll do it.'

FIL's are off the boat Irish and a lot of family from Ireland is coming to the wedding so I can understand why she wants them there but JUST ASK ME FIRST! I personally hate bagpipes, think they just sound like noise. My mom made a good point saying 'it is their culture and you wouldn't get mad if the DJ played the Tarantella' but this is different I think.

I don't know, am I being bridezilla about it?

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Ummm...it's also HIS wedding and I don't necessarily think he has to ask your permission. He did not BOOK the bagpiper, he was merely stating that this was something that HE would want, and I hardly think that is unreasonable. And a bagpiper is not one of the major make or break vendors in a wedding. Maybe there's underlying issues with the MIL that are coming into play. But this is not something to start a war over.

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It's not fh at all, it was all her. All I'm saying is ask me. I don't think it's right for her just to make a decision without asking both of us.

i would def be annoyed that they didn't ask you first, but it might be nice to let them have that to represent part of their culture.

maybe you can suggest getting someone else to do the bagpipes so you don't have to have the groomsman do it.

As someone who's also trying to work in ways of including two cultures (Irish and Bengali! ) I can understand why FMIL would want bagpipes as a representation of FH's family's culture.
My FMIL is also concerned that we won't have enough Bengali influence in the wedding, but we've assured her we will. She's gone to FH with ideas and often states it in the way of 'I want ______ at your wedding' - at first I was taken aback by that and on the defensive, but some of her ideas are ~~gasp!~~ actually GOOD ones. Once I got over the way she approaches FH on things, and he and I would sit and discuss what's important to US on OUR wedding day, we actually took up some of her ideas.
Speak with your FH. Does he want this? Guys look at weddings differently from girls, so the guy in the bridal party probably really won't mind playing a song or two. If your FH wants it, then you really should consider it...it's his wedding too!
It's not like anything was booked yet, so you may be a tad bit too defensive about this..

I think it is wrong for Fmil, she should have asked you, I love bagpiper( im Irish) If the GM does not mind and it will cost you anything to have him play after the ceremony, then you should it is part of there heritage unless you are not doing anything else religious or part of your heritage then you should let her know !
You should tell fmil that it is YOUR wedding and she needs to check with you first