Since all of us recently got married, I thought you'd be the best ones to understand.... My bro is getting married in march and the shower is coming up soon for my future sis-in-law. Well my mom calls me today and tells me what she's planning to do for the shower gift-wise and pretty much - she's doing all the same things for her shower as she did for mine!!! I'm not trying to be selfish but *** is that about?? She's getting her a bride doll made, shes's doing all of the baskets, etc - pretty much everything that I felt made my shower the special day that it was for me.......I'm so hurt by it that I just got off the phone before I flipped out on her.
Am I crazy to be upset by this???
ronnysbride
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No your not crazy, but maybe your mom wants her to feel like part of the family. Since she did the same things for you she figured she would do it for her so she won't get offended or say how come Jweb17 got such cool stuff and all i got was an iron.....
cindyandkevin
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Not crazy at all, it's natural to feel this way!!!! I understand; you're upset that your mom is doing the same for your FSIL that she did for you bc you thought she was doing it bc you're her daughter and you have a special relationship. But try not to think about it that way, your mom is really just trying to have a good relationship with her FDIL and is welcoming her into your family as her 2nd daughter. This shouldn't take anything away from what she did for you, besides she did it for you first!!
stephanielyse
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JessicaM.
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Posted by stephanielyse
Posted by Jweb17
Am I crazy to be upset by this???
Since you asked, yeah, a little bit you're overreacting. You are your mom's daughter. And, after the wedding, so will this woman. Your mom wants to show the bride-to-be that she is accepted into the family as a full daughter by not treating her any differently than she treated her own daughter. I think she's being very sweet to your FSIL.
I agree.
putting it simply the green eyed monster got a hold of you. you were smart to get off the phone. just sit on it a bit. you'll start to feel differently.
she will never replace you in your mom's eyes, no matter who much she does...and remember, it's not just for her..it's for your brother...your mothers SON, too..
Kerrycec
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Posted by stephanielyse
Posted by Jweb17
Am I crazy to be upset by this???
Since you asked, yeah, a little bit you're overreacting. You are your mom's daughter. And, after the wedding, so will this woman. Your mom wants to show the bride-to-be that she is accepted into the family as a full daughter by not treating her any differently than she treated her own daughter. I think she's being very sweet to your FSIL.
EXACTLY!! Couldn't agree more.
LBride
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my brother, sister and I all got married within 8 months last yr. A lot of our stuff was the same, it just made it easier.I wouldn't be pissed... it;s not like your mom is doing tons more for hers than yours.
mtdr1106
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i understand that why your upset - and i probably would be too. in reality though - i probably wouldnt tell my mom or anyone throwing the shower my feelings.
do you think you FSIL will be upset that nothing different was being done @ her shower?
just smile knowing that you had all these things first since your family saw it all already and let it go.
Tracyann1976
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My mom did a lot for my SILs shower, but that was because her mom wasn't really there. It was even at my mom's house. I was a little jealous. She got married before I did.
BRod-Cheng
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Posted by Kerrycec
Posted by stephanielyse
Posted by Jweb17
Am I crazy to be upset by this???
Since you asked, yeah, a little bit you're overreacting. You are your mom's daughter. And, after the wedding, so will this woman. Your mom wants to show the bride-to-be that she is accepted into the family as a full daughter by not treating her any differently than she treated her own daughter. I think she's being very sweet to your FSIL.
EXACTLY!! Couldn't agree more.
Gotta go with the girls on this one.
ssdbk
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Your mom may be doing these things more for your brother than for her. It's right for her to want to give her son and his new wife the same things she gave her daughter and her husband.
EJSD2006
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Posted by stephanielyse
Posted by Jweb17
Am I crazy to be upset by this???
Since you asked, yeah, a little bit you're overreacting. You are your mom's daughter. And, after the wedding, so will this woman. Your mom wants to show the bride-to-be that she is accepted into the family as a full daughter by not treating her any differently than she treated her own daughter. I think she's being very sweet to your FSIL.
agreed!
SillyBeans
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I think your mom is doing this more for your brother than your FSIL . she probably wants to do the same for him as she did for you
Jweb17
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Thanks for all of your posts, I appreciate it!
kissy27
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I do think that you are overreacting a bit. I can understand why you would feel hurt. But remember one thing, you will always be your mom's daughter. Your SIL will soon be her DIL & your mom is trying to make her feel special. In today's day in age, so many IL's don't get along with their DIL or Son in Law. Making a bond with her FDIL is a nice gesture & just think how special your mom made you feel on your shower!
CLMon7906
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Posted by stephanielyse
Posted by Jweb17
Am I crazy to be upset by this???
Since you asked, yeah, a little bit you're overreacting. You are your mom's daughter. And, after the wedding, so will this woman. Your mom wants to show the bride-to-be that she is accepted into the family as a full daughter by not treating her any differently than she treated her own daughter. I think she's being very sweet to your FSIL.
I agree. Mine didn't even care that no one was throwing a shower for me since 'it's the bride's family's responsibility' but my family all live 1200 miles away and can't really just fly up to NY to throw me a party and then fly back for the wedding. It HURT that she didn't [seem to] care.
debsey75
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Posted by ssdbk
Your mom may be doing these things more for your brother than for her. It's right for her to want to give her son and his new wife the same things she gave her daughter and her husband.
I agree with this as well.
libby2595
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Posted by ssdbk
Your mom may be doing these things more for your brother than for her. It's right for her to want to give her son and his new wife the same things she gave her daughter and her husband.
just what i was going to say.
btw, i hope you feel better about this soon. NO MATTER WHAT, you're her DAUGHTER and NOTHING can change that.
DandS
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You are not crazy to feel this way at all, I would probably be upset as well . The only thing that I can think of is that she is probably doing this more for your brother than she is for your FSIL. What she does for one child, she probably wants to do for all.
Jweb17
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Posted by DandS
You are not crazy to feel this way at all, I would probably be upset as well . The only thing that I can think of is that she is probably doing this more for your brother than she is for your FSIL. What she does for one child, she probably wants to do for all.
You are completely right....my mom looks at it like she wants to do for my brother, the same she did for me.
It was silly of my to get upset about it now that I think about it - I guess JessicaM was right - the green eyed monster got a hold of me at the time!
Thanks again for helping me see it wasn't a big deal at all!
