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I NEED YOUR HELP!
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Re: I NEED YOUR HELP!
It sounds weird to me that you would end your relationship with the man you love and plan to marry because he is smoking cigarettes.
Maybe he did quit, but has started again and doesn't know how to tell you?
If you have not recently asked him about it, then he hasn't come right out and lied to you. I know that lies of omission exist, but maybe he anticipated how you would react and wanted to avoid this sort of a situation.
Maybe he did quit, but has started again and doesn't know how to tell you?
If you have not recently asked him about it, then he hasn't come right out and lied to you. I know that lies of omission exist, but maybe he anticipated how you would react and wanted to avoid this sort of a situation.
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Re: I NEED YOUR HELP!
It seems that he knows it would be a deal breaker for you, I am sure he does not want to lose you so of course he will lie about it. A friend of mine has this problem.
I would imagine he would tell you the truth if he thought you wouldn't leave him over it.
Quitting smoking is one of the hardest things ever... get him some help. (patches, gum etc)
That might be the way to go...
I would imagine he would tell you the truth if he thought you wouldn't leave him over it.
Quitting smoking is one of the hardest things ever... get him some help. (patches, gum etc)
That might be the way to go...
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Re: I NEED YOUR HELP!
I have to agree with the other girls. Have you ever been a smoker? For some people it is almost impossible for them to quit. It has to come to a point where they are ready to do it...they can not do it for anyone else, only when they are truly ready. Maybe you should try talking to him about it. Unfortunately, an ultimatum more than likely will not make him stop.
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Re: I NEED YOUR HELP!
I agree.
I look at it two ways: 1. You suspect him of smoking, not cheating or something major like that, and you have to understand that his smoking is a bad habit that he is probably ashamed to admit that he can't break. 2. He is hiding something from you, no matter how small it is, and a marriage requires both people to be completely honest at all times.
Personally, I don't think I would end a relationship and potential marriage over that, but I'm not in the situation, so I can't say for sure. My FH has been telling me that he's going to quit smoking, and he'll stop for a few days at a time, leaving me to think that he really quit. When I find out that he's still doing it, I get angry and upset, but I wouldn't consider ending things over it.
You need to evaluate how much this really means to you. If you see it as him lying and hiding things from you, then maybe you should reconsider your relationship. But maybe you should just have a conversation with him, ask him if he's smoking, and tell him how you feel. Don't make any decisions until you talk to him and think about how you feel.
I look at it two ways: 1. You suspect him of smoking, not cheating or something major like that, and you have to understand that his smoking is a bad habit that he is probably ashamed to admit that he can't break. 2. He is hiding something from you, no matter how small it is, and a marriage requires both people to be completely honest at all times.
Personally, I don't think I would end a relationship and potential marriage over that, but I'm not in the situation, so I can't say for sure. My FH has been telling me that he's going to quit smoking, and he'll stop for a few days at a time, leaving me to think that he really quit. When I find out that he's still doing it, I get angry and upset, but I wouldn't consider ending things over it.
You need to evaluate how much this really means to you. If you see it as him lying and hiding things from you, then maybe you should reconsider your relationship. But maybe you should just have a conversation with him, ask him if he's smoking, and tell him how you feel. Don't make any decisions until you talk to him and think about how you feel.
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Re: I NEED YOUR HELP!
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Re: I NEED YOUR HELP!
Posted by QuestioningB2B
Posted by PreshusSmurf
It sounds weird to me that you would end your relationship with the man you love and plan to marry because he is smoking cigarettes.
Maybe he did quit, but has started again and doesn't know how to tell you?
If you have not recently asked him about it, then he hasn't come right out and lied to you. I know that lies of omission exist, but maybe he anticipated how you would react and wanted to avoid this sort of a situation.
when we started dating - it was a known thing that I would never be with someone who smoked - he quit - it was amazing - i am very health conscious - he knew this going into it.. i have had a lot of family members with smoking related illnesses... I just am at a shock about this...
But now, when you are engaged and ready to be married - you would still consider that a adeal breaker? My Mom was a 'sneak' smoker for years. It drove my Dad nuts and now we still give her a hard time about it, but we know how hard it is for her.
He probably wants to quit - or maybe he did and something got him back into it. . . but I mean, at the end of the day, its an addiction. Smoking is not something easy to quit. He's probably embarassed.
I don't know, I understand that you are health conscious and that smoking can be kind of gross to non-smokers (I used to smoke in college, so I've been on both sides), but its just a bad habit. Try telling him that you understand if he started smoking again, but that you would like to help him quit again. If you approach him saying that you won't marry him if he started smoking again, of course he is going to deny it.
Good luck, I hope you can work it out.
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Re: I NEED YOUR HELP!
All the signs are there -- he's obviously smoking.
I would be upset about being lied to as well but, at the same time, you have to understand that maybe he just can't stop. Who's to say he's been smoking the whole four years you've been together? Maybe he was stressed (weddings and the sh!tty economy will do to that to you) and just picked it up again.
Nicotine is truly addicitng. My brother smokes like a chimney -- he will cough up BLOOD and just brush it off because he has to have a cigarette.
I say confront him. Tell him how pissed you are that he's lying to you. And how you're even more pissed that he's putting his health in danger. Tell him that you want him to quit -- and then help him do it.
If he won't, then I'm at a loss for words. I also refuse to live with a smoker! The smoke smells like crap, it creates a lot of dust so that everything looks dirty all the time, and I don't want to be exposed to second-hand smoke which they say is deadlier than first-hand because you don't breathe it in through a filter.
Good Luck
I would be upset about being lied to as well but, at the same time, you have to understand that maybe he just can't stop. Who's to say he's been smoking the whole four years you've been together? Maybe he was stressed (weddings and the sh!tty economy will do to that to you) and just picked it up again.
Nicotine is truly addicitng. My brother smokes like a chimney -- he will cough up BLOOD and just brush it off because he has to have a cigarette.
I say confront him. Tell him how pissed you are that he's lying to you. And how you're even more pissed that he's putting his health in danger. Tell him that you want him to quit -- and then help him do it.
If he won't, then I'm at a loss for words. I also refuse to live with a smoker! The smoke smells like crap, it creates a lot of dust so that everything looks dirty all the time, and I don't want to be exposed to second-hand smoke which they say is deadlier than first-hand because you don't breathe it in through a filter.
Good Luck
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Re: I NEED YOUR HELP!
I completely agree with the above post... I doubt that he was smoking for the past 4 years...and you never saw any signs till now. Believe me, I'm a smoker... but I quit soo many times, then before I know it I'm smoking again. I HATE smoking. It's nasty... it's HORRIBLE and yukky! He def. went back, and prolly rather recently...
I would def. confront him about it...Talk to him..about the health issue, about how you feel about it, and most importantly, the lying issue. If you're gonna be joining hands in marriage, lying can NOT be in the picture. But, to be honest, as also mentioned from other girls, he prolly knows how important it is to you of NOT smoking taht he's hiding it in fear of losing you...
Talk to him about it..
I would def. confront him about it...Talk to him..about the health issue, about how you feel about it, and most importantly, the lying issue. If you're gonna be joining hands in marriage, lying can NOT be in the picture. But, to be honest, as also mentioned from other girls, he prolly knows how important it is to you of NOT smoking taht he's hiding it in fear of losing you...
Talk to him about it..
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Re: I NEED YOUR HELP!
i would definitley not end a relationship due to him smoking, i understand him lying is totally wrong. Its a weakness- and he probally needs someone to stand by his side and help him along the way. I would sit down and talk to him that you are really worried for his health and that you really want him to stop, offer to get him the patch or have him try the pill. my FH did the pill for 3 months (yes he did have ubsurd dreams for those 3 months) but he is NOW smoke free for one year!) Its an addiction - and no addiction is easy to break alone! Im sorry that you are goin through this..i myself smoke but i would never hide it, FH hates that i still do it but its just something that im not ready to give up!
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Re: I NEED YOUR HELP!
Posted by Gigi08
I have to agree with the other girls. Have you ever been a smoker? For some people it is almost impossible for them to quit. It has to come to a point where they are ready to do it...they can not do it for anyone else, only when they are truly ready. Maybe you should try talking to him about it. Unfortunately, an ultimatum more than likely will not make him stop.
I would not use an ultimatum, you obviously care about him to get married to him, and would you want to risk losing him over something like smoking? that can be overcome, stand by him, he needs you on his side, not against him
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Re: I NEED YOUR HELP!
it's clear that he's smoking, and he's probably hiding it and lying to you because he knows that it's a deal-breaker for you. you have to decide where to go from there. I personally wouldn't leave FH over cigarettes, but everyone needs something different in a mate.
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Re: I NEED YOUR HELP!
my car never gets cleaned and has dust all over the dash.... i never have little white flakes .... cigarette ashes cannot be mistaken for anything else IMO... and you certainly know when you're kissin an ashtray! i would search high and low for the stoges... any reason why he would lie to you though? have you threatened him in the past? i best thing you can do for him if you love him is help him get help *if* he wants it!
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Re: I NEED YOUR HELP!
Posted by Soon2BMrsC09
Posted by Gigi08
I have to agree with the other girls. Have you ever been a smoker? For some people it is almost impossible for them to quit. It has to come to a point where they are ready to do it...they can not do it for anyone else, only when they are truly ready. Maybe you should try talking to him about it. Unfortunately, an ultimatum more than likely will not make him stop.
I would not use an ultimatum, you obviously care about him to get married to him, and would you want to risk losing him over something like smoking? that can be overcome, stand by him, he needs you on his side, not against him
I wasn't suggesting at all that she give him an ultimatum, It sounds like that's what she wants to do and my point is that she may not get the response she is expecting...he may not respond well to an ultimatum...most people don't.
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Re: I NEED YOUR HELP!
You need to talk to him-
In my opinion that would not be a deal breaker-
Being engaged or almost married is stressful.. maybe work and wedding 'issues' made him reach for the pack-
Have a discussion with him,, not an arguement
In my opinion that would not be a deal breaker-
Being engaged or almost married is stressful.. maybe work and wedding 'issues' made him reach for the pack-
Have a discussion with him,, not an arguement
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Re: I NEED YOUR HELP!
Are you really not going to marry him b/c he smokes????
As kimbalina said, have a discussion not an agrument. Found out whats going on, he's probably just not telling you b/c he knows its an issue for you.
As kimbalina said, have a discussion not an agrument. Found out whats going on, he's probably just not telling you b/c he knows its an issue for you.
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quitting is one of the hardest things to do (i've tried unsuccessfully many times) maybe the stress from wedding planning is getting to him...have an open conversation with him, def not a fight...give him a chance to explain himself...maybe he just didn't want to upset you
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ok did u ever think he is stressed also about the wedding...i quit 8 weeks ago today and it is the hardest thing I ever did...I also got Fh to quit 6 weeks ago today and as much as he craves one every once in a while I remind him of how great we are doing without them and that there is no need...he keeps tellikng me the wedding planning is going to drive him to smoke so maybe he is stressed out too!!! Its not just us ladies who get stressed and have nerves...ask him before u yell at him or rip through his stuff...let him know u are not mad but disappointed and that he needs to do whats best for both of u not just fill a craving right now!!!
GOOD LUCK AND IF HE REALLY NEEDS HELP QUITTING TRY GETTING A PRESCRIPTION FOR CHANTIX...IT REALLY REALLY WORKS AMAZINGLY!!!!!!!!
GOOD LUCK AND IF HE REALLY NEEDS HELP QUITTING TRY GETTING A PRESCRIPTION FOR CHANTIX...IT REALLY REALLY WORKS AMAZINGLY!!!!!!!!
